Jezebel
Today the UK is issuing a lofty challenge to female citizens: Go A Day Without Makeup! Horrors! Thankfully, famous pundit Michael Kinsley knows this is not possible in American society. He knows because he goes on TV and has to wear makeup himself, which explains why men on TV are so much more empathetic with the feminist cause than other men, and ha ha ha that is a serious statement is what is sad about that. Kinsley says this with regards to Hillary Clinton, and how the fact that she is a woman means she gets at least forty minutes less sleep per night than Barack Obama, and wow, it is so simple that men are finally getting a grasp of this. There is nothing I regret more than the opportunity cost of putting on makeup and looking perfect all the time; no seriously, there was a time in my life during which I actually did that: adolescence. Adolescence! When the brain is at its most agile and capable of absorbing information, my brain was preoccupied absorbing ... stray droplets of T-Zone oil. But I have a solution, womenfolk of the land!
My makeup-addled mind has discovered numerous ways to make the most of this idle time spent applying and removing makeup/clothing and doing hair, and now it's time to share those secrets with you.
Buy a shower radio. No, I am not together enough to have one myself. I don't even have a fucking radio in my house. If I did, maybe I would have showered already. And listened to Marketplace, which I really miss from the days when I had a car. Ha, ha, ha, if only I had a car so I could listen to the radio; that is the kind of thought that makes me really proud to be a girl.
Get Your Makeup Tattooed On. This is something Tracie and I are always threatening to do. When we are drunk, of course. Just on our lips; even when I'm wasted I don't like the idea of a needle lining my eyes. But your lips are durable, and constantly shedding so it wouldn't last that long. Oh, what? Like this is such a much better use of time!
Air: God created it for a reason. And that reason is to dry your hair. WITHOUT THAT BLAH BLAH BLAH-RING IN YOUR EARS SO YOU CAN'T HEAR THE BOOK-ON-TAPE. You are listening to some book about Islam and the economy, or something lofty where the information is more important than the prose, I am sure. This is another thing I have never actually done. But I would! If I had to ever look/sound presentable.
ColorStay Lipstick. Buy this before the Chinese discover it is made of lead! Because it really cuts down on the amount of time you spend reapplying/worrying about reapplying lipstick. Most likely because it is made of lead.
Read about wars before squeezing your pores. I've found that, being a girl — and you know how it is hard for girls to comprehend military strategy type stuff — it is easier to keep my facts straight on defense issues if I go squeeze my pores immediately afterwards, with my various rogue pores representing Middle Eastern trouble spots. Like for instance: Iran and Iraq and Saudi are the nose, with Saudi vaguely representing the easiest place to get oil, then Israel is this hormonal pimple in the middle of my left cheek, and then there is this terrible hard-to-reach zone next to my left nostril where blackheads really just dominate the entire region and I would spend more time working on it if only I could see anything there: Afghanistan.
Could You Last A Day Without Make-Up? [Times of London]
Making Up Is Hard To Do [Washington Post]
Comments
I barely have time in the morning to coherently dress myself with the tags the right way and no underthings showing. WTF is this guy on?
Also: I forget to wear makeup for days at a stretch. People really notice when I do wear it, though. Meh.
Uh, I never wear makeup and I still don't get shit done.
A day without makeup? Whatever would I do? Oh, right, EXACTLY what I do most days, when I roll out of bed, thrown on a suit that was strewn over a chair in the living room, and barely make it to work on time. With no makeup.
Since I've had no sleep for the past two nights, I've had the pleasure of watching this informercial peddling an airbrush makeup applicator. Surely this cannot work and is too good to be true, but I'm DYING to try it just to see. Has anyone tried this?
I wear a lot of make up, and I manage to get it on in less than 3 minutes. I also think I look okay.
Am I doing something wrong?
who wears lipstick anyway? it just comes off on whoever you are kissing or whatever you are consuming. let's face it: i barely shower. but i could save a lot of time not reading this fucking site so goddamn much.
I've had my eyelashes dyed, does that count?
Actually, I don't wear makeup unless I'm going out to a business meeting or doing TV :) The working-from-home thing saves so much time.
If my skin were pretty I wouldn't wear a stitch of makeup except when I was going out on the town, and then just my eyes. But, I don't have that luxury. Le sigh. Hopefully soon...
I don't spend that much time on my makeup, my hair is the real time sucker. I'm going in for a consultation to get a digital perm this weekend! Wheeee!
I put my makeup on at work. If they want me to look "presentable" then I guess they should pay for the time it takes to get that way!
Or you could just, y'know, make wearing makeup a not-everyday thing. *shrug*
Has anyone tried those towels that are supposed to dry your hair faster? I want one, but want to get some opinions first.
my days without makeup are the days i don't leave the house, which usually occur on saturdays. even if i do leave the house, i'll smear some lip balm on and do a target run. so whatevs, man.
Moe, did you know they make shower ipod radios? Because everyone has been dying for a reason to create a "Shower Power" playlist, apparently.
@TheUptightMidwesterner: If that is wrong, I don't want to be right.
for the love of god DO NOT get your makeup tattooed on.
No time for me to anything else while putting on makeup. I get through that routine like I'm an Indy 500 driver on their final lap. Probably why I'm sporting a little too much blush this day, but at least that bought me an extra 10 mins of sleep this morning!
(And btw, I can't believe I made a car racing reference… there are few things I care less about than cars - esp fast, racing ones!)
i'm a fan of saving up my makeup wearing days for when i really need to make an impression. in fact one of the guys i work with actually said, "woah, are you wearing makeup? you look...nice, like a girl..."
it was special, sorta, in a meh and stabby kind of way
No moment I spend applying make up is wasted...however all the time it takes explaining to people on public transport that I am not consumptive/infectious/faint/dying or need of a seat just because I even skipped the blusher stage is dead time a go-go...
I don't recommend dying eyebrows either - did it once, was stuck looking like Divine for two months.
@blackbirdfly: It's what they use in the television industry. I only know this through the extras on my Supernatural DVDs in which they show Jensen Ackles being airsprayed with foundation. Mmm, Jensen Ackles.
Plus there's Dior's airflash foundation which is in a SPRAY CAN and freaks me out.
My solution would be a houseboy who washes my hair and body for me in the shower so I can sleep a few extra minutes while he does it. And then puts on my socks and shoes for me, because for some reason I always get distracted and spend 5+ minutes trying to find my socks and shoes I just pulled out. Then I wear flipflops instead.
Also, I just want a houseboy.
I only wear eyeliner. And not everyday even.
If it makes you happy to wear make-up, awesome. But if you only do it because you feel you have to or it's just a habit, try to let it go.
I do mine in the car (the husband drives). But if I could go without drying my hair, that would be sweet. I also have a gross confession to make--I only wash my face at night if I've gone to the gym and have taken a shower.
Why don't we let people wear makeup or not because they want to, and not because of the composition of their naughty bits?
Seriously, doesn't everyone get an ugly zit they need to cover up some time?
@Dauphine: You really don't want to be inhaling that crap. And you still have to blend it anyway. It's creepy.
Just don't wear foundation--the more you cover your skin with crap to hide blemishes, the more blemishes you'll have to cover.
My boss wears makeup approximately 4 times a year. You know what? She's a slender blonde, and the lack of makeup makes the men in our male-dominated industry take her more seriously, not less.
Besides, men have to shave their faces. What are they doing during that time that's so fucking productive?
@STICKSnSCONES: I used to do that also. Eventually stopped after I received a nasty look from a senior woman in the bathroom. Don't think she works here anymore though, so I should probably resume my old routine!
Man, I wish I COULD go without makeup like so many of y'all do. I mean, I'll go to the gas station or maybe the grocery store without it, but that's about it. My sister won't even check the mail without full makeup. I just really believe that I look terrible without it. My crazy ass southern family is to blame for this. I just know it. I remember my mom handing me my first bottle of foundation in junior high school like it ws the holy grail. There was no going back after that.
My guy really doesn't like makeup. I don't wear makeup most days, but I do like to wear some when I dress up, go out, etc. I find that I am wearing it less than I would like now because noticeable makeup really freaks the boy out.
I thought that the problem with British women was that they DIDN'T wear makeup. Now I'm confused.
@J.D.Regent: AMEN.
@AthertonMerriweather: I have one, which I bought at BBB. It soaks up more water than a terry towel, but speed is relative.
@brendastarlet: Dyeing one's eyelashes sounds like an actively terrifying prospect, but I am a redhead with the complexion of sour cream and the weird pale blonde roots of my eyelashes always show underneath mascara, no matter how much shadow/liner/mascara I use.
I am terrified of people screwing around in front of my eyeballs, though. I have to get new glasses and contacts next week and I'm dreading the thought of that machine...thing. The one where the deal gets way close to your eye. I hate that.
@AthertonMerriweather: Yes & it didn't do anything for me (but I have long, think hair so not much helps). A normal towel works just as well in my opinion. Save the money!
@AthertonMerriweather: they work pretty well for me...like 15 minutes drying instead of 25... and my arm doesn't hurt so much anymore from hairdryer hefting...
I want to publicly thank the people on the last Sephora spy thread who recommended the mineral makeup. It is so easy and fast and stays on my freaking face all day. I still don't ever blowdry my hair. That's what ponytails were invented for.
I would waste 1/2 the day waiting for my hair to dry in the 7 months or so of unhospitable weather we have in Chicago. It is very thick. It would actually still be wet when I went to bed.
I wear too much makeup but, whatever, the whole hair and makeup thing takes me like 20-25 minutes and just makes me late to work daily.
I like make up and I kinda resent anyone telling me to "let it go." um, mind your business and I'll mind mine.
@AthertonMerriweather: Those things are AWESOME. I accidentally washed mine with fabric softener and ruined it, but it seriously cut like 5 minutes off my hair-drying time.
@J.D.Regent: "Who wears lipstick anyway?"
*meekly raises hand*
I can't help it, dammit! Maybe I need an intervention.
@blondegrlz: Man, I got the Neutrogena knock-off cheap kind, and even it is awesome. I can't wait until I have money to try the real thing.
@rocknrollunicorn: Hi-five, girlfriend.
@brendastarlet: I did that, she got the dye in my eyes and I thought I was going to go blind. It was awesome to have dark lashes for a month though, since mine are albino-pale.
@tscheese: I am blond and my eyebrows and lashes are white blond. I have bald-looking face. I have dyed my eyebrows before and it looks good because, yay, I have eyebrows! But its expensive and a bitch to maintain, so I don't do it very often. I'm starting a new job in a few weeks, so I'll probably do it for that... but then I'll let it go back to baldfaceness because I'm lazy like that.
@AthertonMerriweather: I don't think they really work, and if you have any frizz issues? they make things much worse
i never have worn it and i don't think i every will. i've never seen the point. but, to each her own.
@hamburgerhotdog: Oh, hotty, I have to do this a couple of times a month! Otherwise I appear to have none and my face is lackin'. And not like I have to be all glamazon, but just have eyebrows like a normal person (born relatively pale, massively hairless).