Eggs: The Best Things Anyone Ever Pulled Out Of An AssS

Another morning, another story about how people should eat breakfast making us hungry to eat another breakfast because, duh, we're bloggers, of course we eat breakfast. (Right? Don't we? Don't worry; I asked!) Anyway, the important part: market forces are threatening to put this very most cherished tradition under attack! The price of eggs is skyrocketing! And Starbucks, the purveyor of roughly 2/7 of my weekly breakfasts is pulling breakfast sandwiches from its menu in response to the recession. I think eggs are a "Giffen good," which is an economic term for those commodities you don't appreciate until they get more expensive. Anna, for instance, eats egg white sandwiches every day but says thinking about the eggs "grosses [her] out." Just wait until you're forced to eat them 20 meals a week, love! So: I am going to get a head start on this and appreciate eggs in advance. Me, I eat some sort of egg sandwich every single day. This habit began, as so many do, with a hangover, and like so many other hangover-related rituals, it became habit. I used to worry it would raise my cholesterol level.

Then I realized "cholesterol" was a scam designed to sell expensive pills to old people and that eggs don't really do that anyway and also: since when have I been one to worry about shit like cholesterol?

Anyway, at the risk of sounding like some sort of Sesame Street parody I love eggs like Jay-Z loves girls; fat kid: cake, etc. etc. even the nasty spongy Starbucks sandwich kinds, even the ones where you ask the guy to poach em soft and they come out all chunky and hard: fuckit, they're great. Jessica is with me; she eats ten a week; Maria eats around 7; Cheryl 5, Tracie varies — she's on a poop-friendly regimen right now — and Anna eats about 12. But just the whites, ma'am. "I predict I will be a vegetarian in three years and a vegan by the time I'm 40," she says. In the meantime, though, we are all eating eggs. What the fuck else can we afford?

Skipping Cereal And Eggs, And Packing On The Pounds [NYT]
Rise In Price Of Eggs Is No Chicken Feed [SF Gate]
Starbucks Announces New Service Upgrades (Upgrades? What is this, Pravda?.) [Time]
Ask Men: Eggs [AskMen]
Why Egg Prices Are Cracking Budgets [Chicago Tribune]