Are Girls Too Busy Giving Blow Jobs To Engage In Girl Scoutlike Empowering Shit Anymore? (And Are We?)

Oh, here is some news sure to shock you: the Girl Scouts, like pretty much every secular civic organization in the country, are struggling to stay relevant! They're offering 100-calorie cookies and new ads aimed at appealing to girls' senses of "individuality." They've hired their first Chief Marketing Officer to study why the group's rolls persist to so steadily decline, and...well...basically they all seem to be dancing around the word 'blowjobs.' "The group discovered its main competition for members wasn't the sports teams or church groups it suspected, but rather what it calls 'nonactivities,'" the story explains. (Cough.) Explains Girl Scouts chief executive Kathy Cloninger: "Girls start hanging out at the mall, spending time online or just being with their friends, and basically become 'nonjoiners' — that's [what] we were losing the most girls to." Sigh. I hate to tell you this, Kath, but the battle has been lost.

So like, this site. Do you sometimes feel like it's the only place you can have a frank discussion about...well, basically anything...with numerous other females at the same time? Because I sort of do. It's cliche to point out, but most females' approach to dealing with large packs of other females is to 1. avoid and 2. adopt the "bar bathroom line" approach, whereby everyone sort of drunkenly love bombs one another with support and compliments while they wait for their really drunk friend to finish puking and in the meantime, check on their makeup. Maybe the bar bathroom line is the only place girls are forced to confront their shared agenda, which is to 1. find someone to go home with and 2. avoid the gross spectacle of all those girls trying to find someone to go home with. Yeah yeah yeah, okay, I am exaggerating. A lot. But not, I dunno. I feel this way most of the time I spend participating in collective girl-swarm activities such as shopping, or going to loud bars, or whatever else women do together. (Exercise classes? Yeah, no. But the point holds.) Anyway, so like: I can't help sometimes that I had spent more time camping and selling cookies that I had adamantly not baked at home in the company of other females as a youth because now my idea of a good time is generally drinking and I would in no way ever want to bring a daughter into this world kthanxbai.

Girl Scouts Seeks An Image Makeover [WSJ]
Related (Well not really, but kind of weird) Living Lord Of The Rings At A Girl Scout Camp In New Jersey [Wired]