Jezebel

If penises tasted like pickles I'd be on my knees 24/7.

Now I'm going to feel strangely guilty about chomping down hard on a nice, juicy pickle.

Pickles in My Tuna might not want to show up on this thread.

This phallic imagery reminds me of a Church Lady skit "Tacos or hot dogs?"

Cuz a limp pickle just aint kosher.

No one likes a droopy pickle.

Mmmm I love pickles - dill, sweet, bread n butter, baby gherkins.

@Le Kangourou de Kataroo is reading this sexy blog.: for serious.

I hate pickles. Which is weird because I love cucumbers and vinegar. But I love half-sours. Mmmm. Nice and hard.

@Le Kangourou de Kataroo is reading this sexy blog.: Amen. Amen amen. AMEN.

@Le Kangourou de Kataroo is reading this sexy blog.: Not to be all agreeable and such, but yeah. You nailed that one.

@Le Kangourou de Kataroo is reading this sexy blog.: Once a friend and I narrowed the penis taste down to celery topped with salt.

@lalaland13: Pickles will settle for nothing less than a stiff pickle in her tuna. Because she's worth it.

Claussen pickles are awesome. Fuck all these half sour nasty NYC pickles.

Also: pickle juice is good for sunburn.

@Le Kangourou de Kataroo is reading this sexy blog.: I hate pickles. I also am so so about dicks. If pickles tasted like dicks I would become a lezebel.

@a.clever.otter: I have a seriously strange addiction to cucumbers.

I only like dill pickles. Sweet pickles make me want to hurl.

@peliroja: I'm going to have to disagree. I hate celery, and while dicks are no pickles, they ain't that bad.

Mmm, pickles.

And then the right pickle said, "It's not you. I'm just tired. And I think I drank too much. Let me just lie here for a while, and I should be better. Look, Die Hard is on HBO!"

Anybody see the Burger King commercial about "morning tongue?" It's pretty suggestive, my husband and I were cracking up in disbelief when we saw it last night.

+ Watch video

Love pickles, at least the sour ones. Don't like sweet except in relish on ballpark dogs.

My husband loves pickles too...what does that mean?

@Le Kangourou de Kataroo is reading this sexy blog.: I too agree with this statement, and I think we have a contender for best comment of the day as well.

There is a tree that gives off the scent of penis/semen. Anyone else run into this tree?

@Archetype: Bread and butter pickles are TOTALLY vom-inducing. They're so gross.

Unrelated: I love all kinds of pickled tomatoes. Green ones are great, but this little farmers' market by where I live? They have these huge jars of RED pickled tomatoes. They are insanely delicious.

@Archetype: Dude! It's like some kinda dogwood, I think. I know what you're talking about. It has white blossoms and is stanky in spring.

@Lady Skittlehattington, Worsties Guild President: No fair!! Another keyboard wasted...

@Archetype: I believe it's a type of pear tree. We called them "stinky sex trees" on my college campus.

And Claussen pickles are the BEST.

@Archetype: Hmm, I know a lot of trees, but they didn't teach us about that one in forestry school.

Is getting fucked with a droopy pickle worse than getting fucked with a bubblegum dick?

Oh forget it, soft, stiff, crunchy, sweet, sour -- i love all pickles. When I am out to eat w/ someone who I can see is not going to eat their pickle, I actually debate in my head whether I know them well enough to ask if I can have it.

huh. subtle.

@NefariousNewt: Oh, you're just sucking up now.

Take it as a dirty pickle pun if you want to.

I know what everyone is thinking... but given yesterday was Easter, it looks like some perverse rabbit ears.

@Le Kangourou de Kataroo is reading this sexy blog.: Dill or sweet? Or both?

@tscheese: @funnyface: Very glad I am not the only one.....

@AthertonMerriweather: You had to go there, right?

I'll take fingers and/or a tongue over either, thanks!

@Lady Skittlehattington, Worsties Guild President: I am not -- it was genuinely funny. And my employer is going to wonder at the shoddy condition of my keypboard.

Bent pickles need love, too.

@rocknrollunicorn: I wish they actually DID taste like celery. That would be kind of neutral and okay to me. And they'd go better with peanut butter. But everything goes better with peanut butter.

@NefariousNewt: What did you spill on it?

That's GENIUS!!!

I want me some pickle ... nom, nom, nom...

@AbbyNormal: But what about flaccid pickles?

@NefariousNewt: The ballpark pickles. So Dill, I guess? I like my pickles with girth.

@tscheese: I'm a peanut butter junky. I wonder what a dude would think if I pulled out a jar before I went down...

@Le Kangourou de Kataroo is reading this sexy blog.: I nominate this for Quote of the DAy!

My coworker and I have a weekly "pickle appreciation moment" where we both profess our love for them during lunchtime. I've been known to steal an extra one or two from the tray that they keep on the counter at the local deli. We're planning on taking a lunch-time field trip to Guss' Pickles soon.

Pickles.

I just brought home a jar! Claussens are the best. I have not managed to convert many people around me because they're more expensive. But they're worth every penny.

I love dills and always have. One of my son's first real foods was a Claussen mini dill, and he sucked on that thing like nobody's business. We gave it to him just to see whether I was weird. If I am, it's apparently genetic.

@AthertonMerriweather: I sure miss me some Tionna Smalls.

@Archetype: ugh, yes! we call them 'cum trees'. i remember that i thought they smelled really weird even as a child. it's totally that combo of buttermilk with just a drop of clorox. so weird.

and who would choose a limp soggy pickle over a big stiff claussen?!? i could eat a whole jar!

@peliroja: Ooh. But that discounts the crucially delicious sourness, particularly of the deli-style dills.

@Archetype: Yeah, guys are clueless and don't think of that. They just try anyway.

My youngest sister can sit down with a jar of pickles and eat them like potato chips.

I'm talking like a big-ass, who's yer Daddy Costco sized jar of pickles.

@CindiAnnabelleTucker: There's always Pot Psychology!

@Le Kangourou de Kataroo is reading this sexy blog.: He would probably think, "I hope it's smooth and not chunky. Chunky hurt last time."

@Le Kangourou de Kataroo is reading this sexy blog.: If penises tasted like pickles, my boyfriend would never get another bj in his life.

@Archetype: In my town, all the youngins refer to them as "cum trees" or "cum bushes." It's the first sign of spring!

@Archetype: Well, flacid pickles are just spears waiting to happen.

This ad is running in the magazine I process ads for this month. I'm interested to see how many blue-haired ladies complain to our EIC.

@Le Kangourou de Kataroo is reading this sexy blog.: I hope he isn't allergic to peanuts.

@Le Kangourou de Kataroo is reading this sexy blog.: I'm a weirdo who likes both pickles and crunchy peanut butter, at the same time. A spoon full of peanut butter, and a bite of pickle=teh yumminess.

@Archetype: @wigglepuppy: I used to live in a place with trees like that. Not Pear or Dogwood, but this distinct chlorine/ bleach smell. Even after four years I'd walk up to my front door and think 'who built a swimming pool or had a ton of sex on my stoop in my absence?' Our visitors all had colorful comments to make as well.

@AbbyNormal: ooh. good point. kinky to scary in .2 seconds flat.

@funnyface: i eat peanut butter and pretzel sandwiches, among other peanut butter creations. i must try this pbpickles thing though...

@AthertonMerriweather: I just have to say, even though it's off-topic, that I watched my very first Pot Psychology last Friday. I was so taken with it that I watched all of the back-posts. I usually never watch it because I am at work. So fucking hilarious.

@wigglepuppy: That's actually the best description I've read yet. Add a pinch of cumin and you have it.

@Le Kangourou de Kataroo is reading this sexy blog.:

This needs to be the best comment of the day.

@Archetype: Like a moth to a sperm flame?

@Lady Skittlehattington, Worsties Guild President: It had to be pickle juice. I just know it.

@Archetype: I know! They're hilarious! Slut Machine knows what she's doing with the makeup too. She needs to start giving tutorials on eyeliner and foundation application.

@Archetype: Holy crap, this is the first time I've heard anyone else mention this. I thought I was the only one who noticed those trees. I call them "Dirty Vagina Trees."