Hey look! It turns out that whole time Bill Richardson was poking little rhetorical holes in Barack Obama's record, he was actually in the back of his mind thinking, "Wow, America, if you listen to all this "experience" bullshit, you're spoiling a ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME CHANCE." A once-in-a-lifetime chance to elect a Hamas loving homicide bomber lover maybe! Too bad those imprudently curious State Department heroes got found out before they could find enough evidence to put Barack Obama on the Terror Watch List. All that and Meghan McCain's tramp stamp, killer stingrays, why you shouldn't date investment bankers not that you would, and the one lady Hillary Clinton really needs to start taking fashion tips from, with me and Glamocracy's Megan Carpentier after the jump. We dangle participles with impunity, but that is typical of white people.
MEGAN: The Internet hates Crappy Hour!!
MOE: Oh my god! It's a miracle! You're here!
I'm the most hungover I have ever been
MEGAN: Wow, that's saying something. I'm just morning thirsty, but I might have a Target hangover...
MOE: I have a tequila/beer/whiskey hangover
it is amazing I am here
My fingers don't even work. that is normal
MEGAN: Whoa. Tequila and whiskey should never be mixed.
MEGAN: So, shall we kick it off with illegal passport searches?
MOE: I guess so. Should I scan in the passport from when I was 4 that i use to get into bars?
Yeah, so, Obama, what the fuck. I mean, what was it they expected to find?
MEGAN: He's a Muslimy Muslim from Muslimstan?
MOE: What if he's been to NORTH KOREA and SYRIA and RED CHINA and also YUCCA MOUNTAIN ????
MEGAN: OMG, he's NUCLEAR, people, NUCLEAR! Only without a nuclear family, so that must be like so bad.
MOE: no he totally has a NUCLEAR FAMILY
and they're PROLIFERATING
MEGAN: Nuclear nonproliferation is best, people.
MOE: ok, oh god, so. what the fuck. I'm like still drunk
MEGAN: And I'm actually caffeinated! This is obviously opposites day. Normally I'm the one whose fucking hungover and you've already had coffee.
So, like, what else is opposite?
MOE: I can barely drink coffee. Um, that stingray story is the opposite of boring!
MEGAN: OMG, this is why I don't go near beaches. Creepy.
Well, that and the fact that I'm ghost pale and hate being all hurty on my skin and having the world make fun of my sunburns.
MOE: The Bill Richardson endorsement was the opposite of what I expected.
MEGAN: I know! Rats, sinking ship, et al. Man, what must he have against Hillary? Why must the boys all gang up on her? It's MISOGYNY.
MOE: OH fuck
MEGAN: Oh, Jesus H. Christ. Also, that's the same publication that published that he was in the church on July 22nd when he wasn't.
MOE: Seriously, seriously I want to go back to bed now.
You think they just pulled that out of their asses?
MEGAN: No, sadly, I'm thinking they didn't.
MOE: That's the problem
MEGAN: Also, frankly, I'll admit, I stopped paying attention to the ins and outs of that particular intractable conflict like 7 years ago, aka, when I finished graduate school, so I'm sure there's refutable stuff in there because it's World Net Daily, but I cannot correctly identify it. But, overall, Obama does advocate dialogue, so it's probably more spun in a certain direction than actually completely wrong.
And, I think this is what happens when you run an anti-establishment campaign staffed with anti-establishment-y scholars. Fuck ups. Lots of 'em.
MOE: Oh yeah they say Obama loves Hamas and hates Israel and some aide of him named Malley is an anti-Semite
MEGAN: As a person of Irish descent, may I just stereotype my people and say: it does not surprise me that one of us would be an anti-Semite.
MOE: OH fuck it's Good Friday
I haven't eaten meat yet
MEGAN: My antidote to this day has been to youtube up some soothing music. And, since I don't celebrate it, hoorah! Steak for dinner!
Do you think there will be specials?
MOE: Maybe they will have Obama halal el sadr specials for people like you.
MEGAN: Or else they'll be full up with goddamn fish specials.
MOE: So that guy who just got fired from the McCain campaign for Twittering that video...
yeah I don't know where I was going with that. Just wanted to provide a link.
Um, me and my roommate just sang the FreeCreditReport commercial in unison.
MEGAN: Twitter is evil! It's like gmail status, only worse. Like, for instance, a certain conservablogger I know who shall not be named but I know you hate has ended up as a gchat contact of mine, and encouraged everyone recently to be offended by us babykiller-bonerkillers promoting babykilling with a wire hanger necklace. And I almost sent it to you, but thought better of it.
OMG, I totally catch myself doing that and then realize that's the beginning of the descent into utter madness.
MOE: Oohhhhhhh I bet I know who you are talking about!
MOE: I should have seen it coming at me like an atom bomb
MEGAN: Oh, fuck, like she reads this anyway? Certainly not that far into this.
I like the pirate one better than the car one, Free Credit Report.com people. Also, please never again let your actor do the white man's overbite and bob his head on camera ever again.
MOE: Yeah, no one is still reading now.
MEGAN: Is it sad how we know this?
No, i have to say, ONE LONE COMMENTER (whyknot) apologized to me the other day for all the shitty white men in my life. So he's probably still reading.
MOE: Oh fuck, awesome scarf, Nancy Pelosi. She has the best scarves.
She like consulted the Dalai Lama on the color.
MEGAN: Why the fuck has Hillary Clinton not gone shopping with Nancy Pelosi? I mean, girl, please. You know you always pick out your most stylish friend and go shopping with her.
MOE: SO TRUE.
MEGAN: Also, Hillary needs to embrace her curves and stop trying to hide her ass. YOUR ASS IS NOT A BAD THING>
MOE: Nancy has your best interests in mind.
MEGAN: It's only a bad thing in mom pants and overly long suit jackets.
MOE: Nancy Pelosi would not undermine.
MEGAN: I'll take you shopping!
No, Nancy would not undermine at all. She's be the one who'd be like, ummm, no, let's try these pants on you instead.
Also, Nordstroms or Needless Markup instead of Macys. It's not like Hillary can't afford nice suits.
And tailoring. Look into tailoring. I have a tailor because I am short and have a big butt, I cannot lie. Her name is Kathy and she's awesome and anyone who lives in DC can email me for her contact information.
MOE: Can we get back to Bill Richardson for a second though? Like, it takes you until practically April to realize Obama is a "once in a lifetime leader"? You don't really have the excuse of, like, not knowing he was until he started visiting your state...
Also did you read the thing on Meghan McCain?
MEGAN: Well, um, he was sorta busy growing the beard and probably getting all the strange he forewent on the campaign trail.
I did. Meghan, I'll repeat myself here on Jezebel if you didn't hear me the first time. Do NOT get a tramp stamp with McCain in an Olde English font. Just. Don't.
MOE: Also I want to point out I read this column at the deli this morning and snorted. Barack O'Bama...you have to be so hungover you're worse than drunk to enjoy that. But look, Drudge linked it!
OH, Meghan, get a fuckin BUTTERFLY on the small of your back if you want, I don't care.
MEGAN: No, please, make an effort not to be a girl cliche. For the good of the sisterhood.
Also, can I Hurt, Charles? NO MORE O'BAMA JOKES. They are not funny.
MOE: You voted for Kerry in '04 and are pretty much the best chance America has seen for a pro-life candidate's daughter needing to get an abortion in the White House since...well...I would have said Jenna Bush, but you know that motto of hers. "Be nice to each other and always use condoms." I bet Meghan doesn't always use condoms...speaking of, I like how she complains how she hasn't gotten laid and the only dudes who want to do her are investment bankers. She needs to become an Obama campaign Springtern!
MEGAN: Although, I have to say, I'm all for a First Daughter who runs on a platform of not fucking i-bankers. Run, Meghan, run! Preach!
(Even if you do have the "h" in your name).