Jezebel
Remember Bush Administration spokespretty Dana Perino and that tough time she had remembering just what the Cuban missile crisis was? Well the other day she had another little missile crisis on Fox News Sunday, which is to say, she explained, she doesn't really know what a missile is sorta, because, um, totes, kthanxbai, she was born a girl. "Some of the terms I just don't know," she explained. "I haven't grown up knowing. The type of missiles that are out there: patriots and scuds and cruise missiles and tomahawk missiles. And I think that men just by osmosis understand all of these things, and they're things that I really have to work at — to know the difference between a carrier and a destroyer, and what it means when one of those is being launched to a certain area." Um, yeah, like if you launch a destroyer from a Tomahawk off the coast of Pakistan, could it even reach far enough to spray California with nerve gas? Truth be told, I don't know, which is why I took it upon myself to make up a little refresher quiz. See if you can identify the photos of some of the things Dana has been learning about!
A.
B.
C.
D.
E.
[Answers: A. Aircraft carrier B. Tomahawk missile C. Patriot missile D. Scud missile E. Destroyer]
There. Don't you feel more osmositized already? Next time, I'll write you a little shopper's guide and try to explain which ones you can get in New York, and which you can only special-order from Russia.
Well, Honey, I Got News For You [TooHotForTNR]
Comments
I got aircraft carrier, missile, missile, missile, big boat. Oops.
Are you fucking kidding me? I knew she was a dumbass after she went on Stewart last week but this is just unacceptable.
ITS YOUR FUCKING JOB TO KNOW THESE THINGS.
I am smarter than anyone remotely connected to the Bush Administration. Isn't it a given?
Answer to headline: Yes. I don't even need to read the post.
How could anyone have lived through Gulf War I and not know at least some of this stuff? What temp agency does W hire from?
If you work for a warmongering president, you should know about war stuff. Otherwise, details like this are pretty unnecessary no matter what the gender.
Those missiles are oppressing me and taking away my right to vote.
"Carrier" vs. "destroyer" is pretty self-explanatory, surely. Or am I benefiting from magical boy-osmosis on that one?
Thinking gives you wrinkles!
Huh? She doesn't know this stuff because she's a girl? What.the.FUCK?
there's alt-text. i cheated.
I am frightened that I got all five correct. Does this mean I need to go for testosterone reduction therapy? Or that I just watch too much news?
Wow. Our military really likes to make weapons that look like penises (peni?).
@briardahl: check again, I think you might be growing a penis!
Jeez- Allison Janney's ACTING was more convincing than the actual spokesposer (and she was prettier to boot. not that it matters. i'm not hating on women just love me some Allison Janney).
I was going to jump down all in your shit and tell you to leave her alone (just cuz she's pretty and a Bushie doesn't mean she's dumb, blah blah), when I read to the end of the paragraph and saw her quote about men "by osmosis" just knowing those things...
What a fucking twit!
I guess all of those Air Defense Artillery servicewomen just have to "work" at learning the missile systems because there's just no way they'd be good at learning all of those icky, icky mean missile thingies.
ARRRGHHHH...
Did she really say men "just by osmosis understand those things" and "I haven't grown up knowing"? And she's a spokesperson for a living?
Her low standards for herself are the most scary part of this. Why are you not embarrassed?!?
@brookidy: Colleges like Regent and Liberty
I would if I was the spokesperson for the most hawkish administration ever. I wish Jon Stewart was more openly mean to her, he is a better person than I.
@JessicaLovejoy: Backstairsly: Math is hard!
My boyfriend doesn't know about any of those things, either. What does that make him?
yeah, i pretty much wanted to punch her when i heard that tonka-truck-built-for-boys bullshit philosophy. actually, i wanted to punch her before, like such as.
I'm going to have to object to the heading "Cause I'm a Blonde." Doesn't that only apply to natural blondes?
@JessicaLovejoy: Backstairsly [frown] Machines are hard! [stamps dainty foot]
C.J. Cregg she is not.
@ineffable.me: Ha ha! Let's bake cookies for the boys!
I can also name most jets out military uses on sight. Or explain to you the difference between the different classes of submarines. Wanna see my balls?
@nyobserver: I was just about to say that. If you're a spokesperson, and you don't know something, isn't it YOUR JOB to talk around it, create some smokescreens, and make everyone forget the question ever happened?
Yes.
@scuttlebutt: Don't ever go on Maury with him. HE'LL HAVE A SECRET!
Well, thanks, Missy, for helping further reduce the credibility of:
The Bush Administration
Public Relations Personnel
Blondes
Wimminfolk
The first three don't really trouble me much, I mean, there wasn't THAT far to go...
@ineffable.me: I mean, I'll give her credit. It is REALLY REALLY hard to learn how to speak Pentagon. I've been trying for two years while in grad school for Int'l Affairs, and unless you grew up a boy who loved reading about this shit for no reason, it takes some time.
Doesn't mean I think she's legit, I just feel her pain. Cuz I've been there.
@Political Party Girl: Oh, wait, there's a test?
Air craft carrier, missile, missile, rocket-looking thing, big boat.
I don't know these things, not because I'm a girl, but because I don't fucking care. I doubt my dad and/or brother could name them, either.
My grandpa probably knows all about them, because I'm pretty sure he probably designed some of them, but he doesn't talk about it. At all. That's why I don't know. The CIA's gag orders.
The easiest way to tell an Aircraft Carrier from a Destroyer is that one of them carries aircraft, and the other one is covered in guns.
I think there's some kind of difference in their ship numbers, too, but I don't know what it is.
I really hate her. I only hope there are NO young women looking up to her. NONE.
@blondegrlz: ooh. put them on my head!
Okay, I can see her not knowing the difference between missiles by sight (although she should, or else what the hell is she spokepersoning for?), but for the love of Karl, the fact that SHE does not know a carrier from a destroyer is frightening. Seriously.
And considering the importance of the Cuban Missile Crisis on current foreign policy thinking, I am flummoxed that she holds this position.
Oh, Dana Perino. OK. Look. You didn't grow up playing war games, you grew up playing dolls. You're not one of those dudely nerds obsessed with warfare. Some people might be unfair and chauvinistic about that, but whatever -- they're stupid. It's dumb to expect that every woman who works in politics or whatever, and who had a "typical" girlhood (even if that "typical" girlhood is arguably stupid and prescriptive in the first place but yougetwhatimsayin'), is somehow at a natural disadvantage here. I see why you're defensive.
And in fact, I was with you until you said guys learnt that shit through osmosis. WHAT? There is nothing beyond your capabilities as a woman that dictates your ass CAN'T READ A BOOK! Thanks for officially playing dumb! Thanks for blaming your personal shortcomings on your gender! LISA SIMPSON IS NOT HAPPY.
Big bomb falls on brown people and goes BOOM!
Jesus H. Christ. What is wrong with this administration??
Is it bad that whenever I see pictures of stuff like this I instantly start doing the sound effects in my head - sometimes out loud - like I'm six years old? Probably.
Whoosh! Whoosh! Boom! Ka-blewie! Fshoom! And raptors flying F-14s!
@peliroja: at least you are trying. and you will get it super soon and youll go around the world being awesome.
@braak: STOP SHOWING OFF YOUR PENIS KNOWLEDGE
@NefariousNewt: jinx!
And it isn't just military stuff, either. I've had it up to here with politicians, administration types and even journalists confessing they "just don't understand business." Well, you'd better damn well start understanding it, since we aren't officially even in a recession yet (it takes two quarters of negative growth) and we will be in one for a long time when we get there.
Oh Lord I hate this woman. Look into her background. You will be surprised at how woefully underqualified she is for that job.
@scuttlebutt: The thing is, it's probably not his fucking JOB to know them. It is hers. For God's sake.
@blondegrlz: Are your ballz attached to you, or do they hang from your pick-up truck?
Yes, but is she smarter than a 5th grader???
@briardahl: Um, no osmosis. It just makes sense. If you have a brain, that is.
The missiles are a little harder but, uh, after looking at these pictures once, I pretty much will be able to remember which is which. Maybe I have a BOY BRAIN!!!!!
So, let's see. We have women in the world who are top scientists in their fields and they must have grown up knowing all about that stuff, right? If you are female and a medical researcher you have to have grown up with science from the time you were born?
Thanks for contributing fodder for the "women are not as smart" arguments. But she works for Bush so why did I expect more.
@nyobserver: @niftypenguin: Yeah, it is really embarassing that the Pres. of the United States cant get someone who knows how to talk around these issues because that is her job.... Honestly, it isnt really her job to KNOW these things, only how speak around them or learn the words for a speech. Whatever, shes an embarassing twit, but I dont really know what isnt embarassing about the whole administration.
I read an article in a PoliSci class once about how gender the language of the military is, and it serves to both alienate and confuse women.
I mean, if it's your job to know this stuff, you should learn it. But she touches on a salient point.
Don't ask me, I'm just a girl. tee hee
Well, I can't tell one missile from another, but I sure like airplanes. Like B-2s and commercial aircraft and the huge-ass Antonov An-225 and shit. OMG, maybe I'm actually a man, because I was able to learn about these things!
'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah yeah yeah!
(Is that from Earth Girls Are Easy, or some other movie?)
href="#c4796306">exelizabeth: erhm, *gendered the language is@
I am very disturbed to report, that as a straight woman, I am a sucker for a pretty woman. I saw her on The Daily Show, and she almost won me over with her cute giggles. I had to keep on pinching myself, and saying "Evil Empire, Evil Empire".