Obama Speech Draws Stark Distinction Between Haves And Have-Nots Of Oral Sex

So, that Obama speech. Hard to knock, right? Ha ha, we said hard, and some ("roaring straight!") writer guy in Park Slope, Brooklyn just wrote on Craigslist about how watching it at the corner store made him want to give Barack Obama a blowjob: "Even the lesbians were crying," he writes. And there is no one more mirthless and cynical than fucking dykes, right? Ha ha wrong! Right Wing news added five new gals to its lineup of blogging conservababes today, so we dutifully checked their sites to see how the "non-choir" perceived the speech. "He's done. If he ain't done, America is," claimed our favorite Zionist swimsuit blogger Pamela Geller. "He is going down the hate-mongering ship." Michelle Malkin wasn't much kinder.

"Its the old Eminem defense: Rev. Wright is only giving you things you joke around with your friends inside your living room, the only difference is he's crazy enough to say it out loud. Fabulous," said the American Princess Blog. Who are these people? Well, the Princess Blog's motto is "Party politics the Post in the Prada Age." She claims to be a "relapsed Catholic."

Anyway, that's when it hit me: you know what? We have to stop fantasizing about Obama. He is clearly getting laid. If we really wanted to affect change, we would swallow that vomit forming in our throats and go service the conservative blogger population.

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