Jezebel
9/11 firefighters, marines who save Iraqi puppies... I think we can all agree that pretty words are nice, but nothing warms the cockles like those brave, special citizens who, in the midst of social crisis, rise to the challenge and pledge to do all they can to help their neighbors. And so readers, I am avibe with good...uh...vibes over an email we received today from a tipster by the name of "Schadenfrau" originally sent by a firm called BF Designs, in reaction to the terrible tragedy under way at Bear Stearns, the investment bank that is no longer run by the pothead bridge champion. BF Designs, located in Southampton, New York, provides a specialized service known as "staging" houses, which is to say, they clean up your house and make it look like you have really good taste so it looks better when you show it to prospective buyers. And what, praytell, might such a firm's role in soothing the nation's financial crisis? Read on, and be inspired.
From: bfdesigns@optonline.net [mailto:bfdesigns@optonline.net] Sent: Tuesday, March 18, 2008 10:22 AM To: bfdesigns@optonline.net Subject: Bear Stearns"There was talk Monday that with their life savings nearly depleted, some executives had moved quickly, putting their weekend homes on the market."
Regrettably, there will be much more of this happening, meaning that there will be an increase in sellers, a decrease in buyers.
Therefore it is more important than ever to make sure that your listings are in the best possible condition and if possible, offer added value in the way of furniture and furnishings.
BFdesigns will offer a discounted design/staging fee to anyone who has worked for Bear Stearns in an effort to mitigate whatever personal losses they may have sustained, and to help sell their houses for as much as possible.
Best regards,
Barbara Feldman
BFdesigns
http://www.bfdesignsinc.com
631-xxx-xxxx
631-xxx-xxxx
Comments
How about discounted staging services for everyone ELSE who lost money in the market due to Bear & others' shady mortgage deals?
Yes, because it would be a shame if all those houses in the Hamptons went unsold... luxury home, left to rot, to be claimed by the inexorable forces of the sea.
Boo fucking hoo.
So nice of them. Helping the needy sell their weekend homes. They should geta prize for that. Is there any sort of prize to covers such acts of kindness.
Can we get Countness Luanne (or Empress Starla) to comment on this?
Can we all call Barbara and say thank you?
I have a renewed faith in humanity after reading this...
I'm playing the world's saddest song on my tiny violin right now.
This is so sad. I bet some of those executives will have to let one of their assistants go too. After they make the arrangements with BF Designs, of course. Overlords don't do that shit themselves.
Dammit! It only took me 2 years to sell my house (for what I bought it for 2 years earlier than when it went on the market.
Why couldn't these people offer me a discount rate to cover up for the ex's lack of decorating taste (it looked like Hallmark and Disney had vomited on my fireplace mantle... My 11' wide fireplace mantle...
Ok, it just looks like to me this company is trying to get work - which isn't a bad thing.
But, the people they're offering to help are the very people that don't need it.
Who the F*CK has a "weekend house"? And if you can afford to furnish a weekend house you can afford to suck it up like all those unfortunately people who lost their "weekday" homes.
How about we put more effort into helping the less fortunate as opposed to the millionaire bankers? Such as the ones who can't afford to put gas in their cars?
Man, you know Gatsby would have totally had a stager.
Nothing I love better than a rich folks' fire sale. I am so pleased to see the vultures circling already.
ButtFuchs Designs? BigFlutes? BooyahFuckyeah? BoobsFor Design? BoredFarts? BrokenFallacy?
Maybe Blair and Walter can open up the family farm for those who have lost their vacation homes.
Summer love in the hayloft, y'all.
@westvillagegirl: It's not as if them having money means they have good taste in furniture.
@westvillagegirl: WE'RE HAVING A FIRE
- sale.
@howdybeep: hahaha nice! he totally would have.
how about getting my parents out of credit card debt and getting us a proper home not built during the 50's sprawl?
@westvillagegirl: That reminds me of Arrested Development.
@JessicaLovejoy: Backstairsly: yay Tobias!
@JessicaLovejoy: Backstairsly: "Amaaaaaaziiiiiing Graaaaaaace..."
@Legalese: The wrong parties always get the help. I guess one exec went from receiving $1.5 billion to $15 million. Let me shed a couple tears for that guy right now.
i hate my hometown.
Barbara Feldman, Red Cross Relief Worker to the overclass.
big fucking deal designs
@NefariousNewt: Ha! That's awesome.
Better a fire sale than arson for insurance.
Also, instead of'Schadenfrau', I believe the word we're looking here is 'Schadenfreude'. Taking pleasure in other's misfortunes.
@NefariousNewt: I prefer to think of them claimed by the hobos and biker gangs that will take over Long Island after the breakdown of civil authority.
the climate of frustration, desperation, rage against the rich, and more than enough blame to go around is just getting warmed up. we haven't seen anything yet.
I mean, in context, I guess these people with a kind of pointless job (the "stagers") are doing something good to help out somebody in a pinch, for which we can't really criticize them. But come on, there must be a more cockle-warming event going on today.
@Xavoc: Do you want to send pictures of her diamond engagement ring with that?
@Xavoc: Taste, schmaste. I just want to my dog to lay on their their finest watered silk chaise. And shit all over it.
FIRE, eheheh, FIRE.... We don't want no water, let the MFs BURN!!!
@krismry: Isn't this how the Mayans began to devolve?
@dummyfakeroller: Oh, where is Gob when you need him. He'd figure out what to do with Bear Stearns, I know it. Maybe he'd just make it disappear?
My dream is to own a staging business. Hey rich folks! Hire me for super cheap, PLUS I volunteer to stay in your summer home from now until Memorial Day, so it doesn't get that musty, unlived in feeling. God, just nominate me for sainthood right now.
@JessicaLovejoy: Backstairsly: I just blue myself.
There HAS to be a better way to say that.
OOH OOH OOH! I have an idea. How about...these poor fucking multimillionaires can maybe just...give ME their weekend homes, in a tax-free charitable transaction, aaaaand in exchange I tell them that they need to start pricing their securities right? Also I want a cabana boy.
And of course they are trying to save their own asses - who the hell will use their services if all the execs go belly up? Plunging house prices effect the riches, too, as then they might not be quite as rich. THIS is when we see the real trickle down.
@braak: Biker gangs! Where do I sign up? Let's rumble!
@gabelle: "Also, instead of'Schadenfrau', I believe the word we're looking here is 'Schadenfreude'. Taking pleasure in other's misfortunes."
Uhh... I think it was supposed to be a pun. "Frau" means woman, fyi.
@westvillagegirl: Right, Frau=woman. It's actually rather clever, I think.
@bigleggedwoman: I no longer own any pictures relating to her. Sorry.
@Xavoc: you mean peasant revolts and climate change? uh oh!
@westvillagegirl: ...
Wh-?
"Frau" means "woman?" So it's...you're saying it's some kind of pun? But--
Oh! Ohhhhhhhhhh!
Because it's like a woman who experiences Schadenfreude!
I get it!
@Xavoc: I was just kiddin' around. How've you been, anyway?
@braak: Or the lairs of criminal masterminds... who would look for a criminal genius in the Hamptons?
@westvillagegirl: Whew! Thanks for clearing that up... Glad you're hear to set it straight!
@krismry: Imagine, Flava Flave and Jerry Springer will be our new rulers after the bourgeois are decimated and no longer able to act as a buffer for the poor to aspire towards.
@bigleggedwoman: Life is good. Other than the country appears to be teetering on the brink of economic collapse and there are NO Long John Silvers restaurant in the state of Washington.
Laugh all you want at the "staging" industry, but just think, if Bear Sterns had used BF Designs to stage Bear in the first place. Instead of receiving a paltry $2.00 per share from JP Morgan, Bear's share holders (many who are employees) might have received much more. So freshly baked bread, candles, warm colors and throw pillows at 383 Madison Ave. would, probably, have made a big enough difference to allow many of these folks to keep their summer homes.
@Xavoc: You're in WA? And no fish sticks? Ain't that a bitch.
@braak: ;) You're funny! I guessed you and your pal also missed that "schaden" is a word unto itself. I'm not mad at you.
@bigleggedwoman: The problem isn't a lack of fish sticks. I just really liked occasionally indulging in their chicken strips.