Jezebel

If you have any information about the whereabouts of this bear or any bears you've seen in tonight's broadcast...

hahaha ridiculous! Are you sure Mr. Ashton is not playin his pranks on the other side of the world?

Damn bears, all running around in the woods thinking they are above the law. Probably would have tried to eat the judge if he had shown up, cheeky bastard.

Oh, Pooh. You silly bear.

Should of stuck to picnic baskets, Yogi.

Uh...wha?

Aren't bears supposed to eat honey? Or did I just get that knowledge from a cartoon?

I told Winnie he needed to stop hanging out with Yogi, but he just didnt want to listen.

That bear was denied his constitutional right to adequate counsel. I'm taking his appeal pro bono.

Fucking bears.

Pooh better watch his ass. Macedonia is onto his game.

Oh, bother. I wonder if Christopher Robin will be able to bail him out? Do you think Piglet was able to tell everyone?

Oh man, this SO reminds me of the book Friends of Interpretable Objects by Miguel Tamen. If you ever get really curious about the history of people blaming inanimate objects/animals/whatever for their crimes, and you want to read some interesting academic justifications for their doing so, check it out.

No one will ever get so curious, I know. But. Just in case.

This feels really weird but...
Nom nom nom round little black bear ears.... ?

I'm going to sue those damn birds outside, eating all the sunflower seeds out of the feeder. But they'll probably just try and blame it on the squirels.
Is there NO personal responsiblity among our wildlife anmore?????

one of my favourite ever books is "a history of the world in 10 1/2 chapters" by julian barnes, in it, a french ecclesiastical court in 1520 puts a woodworm on trial.

@TeenageGangDeb: @ineffable.me l0v3s unicorns!1!!1!: @brookidy: Uh, looks like we all read lots of Winnie the Pooh when we were little.

Damn Bear Patrol. Slackers!

that bear is a baller

This bear is going to leave an exploding picnic basket on the judge's doorstep. (with apologies to Harvey Birdman)

i'm pretty sure this is going to lead on colbert's next threatdown.

@special_boots: Actually I am! Thanks for the heads up.

@badmutha: actually i never did. haha.

Are those the bear's claws or a couple of blunts?

@TheGintheCity: I'm with you on that. It's like he's taunting us with their nomability.

Not so bizarre at all -- the bear's legally protected, so the guy can't physically prevent it from stealing his honey (by, say, shooting it), and allowable methods aren't working. He's basically just petitioning the government for his losses, via the bear.

This is going to be just like in Legally Blond when Reece finds out that Chutney had a perm that day, and she didn't take a shower, so therefore shot her Dad. blah, blah, blah, the bear is innocent because Chutney shot him and took the honey.

@AndSheWas: OMG you've made my day.

stephen colbert was right all along!

@blondegrlz: Hear Hear. We need to get these hoodlums of the streets. I'll bring it up to Taylor Doosey at the next town meeting.

ehh, what else is there really to do in Macedonia aside from sue bears? I cant say I'm all that surprised...

@ineffable.me l0v3s unicorns!1!!1!: I should have deduced this fact from your calling him "Winnie" instead of "Pooh" or "Pooh Bear."

I saw that bear hanging out with some unicorns...

@badmutha: Oh, badmutha...my daughter had a HUGE Pooh stage. I know the words to all of the songs.

@blondegrlz: hahaha! i am envisioning a whole Law and Order spinoff--L&O: criminal wildlife. i would have love to see what would have happened if the bear showed up in court...

So does this mean I can sue the state for getting perpetually stung by mosquitos and collect money for my dermatologist bills?

I actually went to those court procedings. They were really boring and I found it to be unbearable.

@briardahl: Oh, that makes sense, 'cause I thought it was some kind of modern Aesop's Fable...

@special_boots: lol, it's the little things.

@BicSharpie: Yay, humor! I feel better today.

Tsk, tsk; not showing up to court always pisses off the judge.

@PopCultureSavant: My fave comment of the day! :)

@badmutha: shit, i need to work on my front.

@BicSharpie: "Please bear with me, your Honor, my client should be here any minute."

Boo boo is usually the fall guy, isn't he.

Obviously racial profiling. Someone saw a black bear with some honey, and everyone assumes he stole it.

This bear in no way, shape or form represents bearkind generally or alaskan brown bears specifically. His criminal conduct is an outrage, and reflects poorly on the law-abiding bears everywhere who manage to keep their paws out of the various cookie jars, beehives, salmon streams and pic-a-nic baskets which humankind insists on leaving out solely to tempt and try those of bruin descent.
Signed, ABB

@mllej: I heard that the original punishment was going to be that they cut off the bears limbs. His lawyer argued that he had a right to bear arms.

@alaskanbrownbear: jesus christ. amazing. just. amazing.

@BicSharpie: i dont want to dignify such a joke with a laugh, but who am i kidding? HAHAHAHA.

@midwesternmom: lolz.

I think this bear just had bad role models.

@alaskanbrownbear: wow, if only the state of new york had such good pr.

Charging a bear with stealing honey? What's next, prosecuting him for shitting in the woods? Oh, wait, they do that on Kelly Ripa now.

@BicSharpie: It was heartbreaking to see his family in the gallery though. He's really embearassed his loved ones this time.

@NoFrillsLabelWhore: thank you!

@JessicaLovejoy: Backstairsly: kudos to you! i LOVE harvey birdman

I'm sure the state will go shoot it now to prevent any further inconviances.

Legal aid, these days it's a bear necessity.

@PopCultureSavant: No, thank you. It was a laugh much needed this Friday afternoon. ;)

@mllej: By the time he finishes paying off his debt to society, he will be a grizzlyed old man.

Oh man, this could have been much more grizzly if other animals were involved. But I believe that farmer got a honey of a deal. Such as.

Damnit! Too slow.

@BicSharpie:
Oh no, I'd hate to see such a minor offense bruin an otherwise bright future.

@mllej: Brilliant.

@BicSharpie: stop it youre killing me!

@mllej: oh no you didn't. Some puns just shouldn't be done.

@badmutha: Sorry, I've gone bearserk. Damnit.

@mllej: OH! Its ok, I have no umbearage toward you. (that was sooo bad)

Anyone else think that bear looks like Brandon Davis? I'll bet LiLo will be all over him now, since she likes the bad boys.

@TheGintheCity: NOT WEIRD AT ALL. I couldn't really concentrate on reading the comments or the actual story, just "awwwwww, hi snuggle!!"

awwwwwwwwwwwwww, da widdle bear!

*ahem* sorry, sometimes animal stories do that to me. You know how people react with babies? Yeah not me, I think animals are far cuter.