Jezebel
One of the reasons New York is really funny — and annoying — is because the city has "socialites": Self-important, wealthy women with ridiculous names (Byrdie Bell, Tinsley Mortimer, Susan Shin, Carrie Cloud, Valesca Guerrand-Hermes) who like to go to parties where they buy "tables" so that they can wear expensive shit, have their pictures taken, and in the process, fuel their sense of self-importance. Often, they consider these activities to be "work"! But based on last night's benefit for the Museum of the City of New York, some of them may need to look for a new job... or a new stylist. After the jump, the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of a high-society event, silly names and all.
The Good:
This dress is sorta stupid, but also kinda awesome. And it's won by Byrdie Bell, whose name makes me laugh, laugh, laugh.
It takes a brave woman to put red ruffles on her ass, Cristina Greeven Cuomo.
When boho stylings happen to handbag heiresses who are really not bohemian.
Jennifer Creel: The only one who got the memo about playing it simple and classy?
The Bad:
A double-whammy of bad: Carrie Cloud looks like she stole Extra #8's costume from The O.C. and Lara Meiland's dress is irritating.
Doug Hannant is the only redeeming thing about Valesca Guerrand-Hermes's puke green column.
Ahhhhh my retinas! Thanks a bunch, Jamee Gregory.
I think there is a sea creature on Olivia Palermo's shift.
Is wearing a black dress better than wearing a dress with a sea-creature on it? Only Renee Rockefeller can answer that question.
Why did no one stop Susan Shin before leaving the house?
The Ugly:
The time machine broke down and Cynthia Lufkin got stuck somewhere between Tara and Saved by the Bell.
Nicole Miller has done little to disabuse me of the belief that fashion designers are always the worst-dressed ones in the room.
[Images via Getty.]
Comments
This is the richest and fuggest prom I have ever seen.
As if I needed another excuse to not want to be a New York socialite.
There is not much to love about the Purtainism of Boston, but here is one thing: our rich people keep to their fucking selves. You could learn something, NYC.
Appears that most of these gals forgot to get their hair and makeup done as if they were just trying on the dresses for size.
RAMI COPY!
Eat your hearts out, Real Housewives of New York City...
Proof that you can be rich as hell and still have a horse face. It's comforting.
Cristina Greeven Cuomo: That dress is way too small! Ouch.
Cynthia Lufkin: Holy Bridesmaid!
Wow. Just wow. Though I would do a lot of wrong things to have Olivia Palermo's skin.
I actually thought some of the "bad" dresses were better than some of the "good" ones. Not that that means much. But, for example, in the case of Ms. Cuomo I don't find "brave" to be synonymous with "stylish". Just sayin'.
The first dress makes her look like she has tiny legs and no feet.
Actually, about 3/4 of the dresses make the women look like that. Maybe there's a case of stumpitis going around NY social circles? Careful, it's very contagious!
I kind of like the sea creature. But sea creatures are so hot right now.
Ugh. Not a keeper in the bunch.
Susan Shin is kind of awesome, though. Brassy, and not that snooty.
so...why do we need to know these peoples' names? because they have more money than god? is that it?
I've said it before and I'll say it again: I like the lime green. And Brydie Bell's dress looks like it could be set of some very expensive and WASPY curtains and yet somehow it works.
Cynthia Lufkin looks like she is going to the 1986 prom at some New England prep school.
All this just goes to prove money can't buy you taste or style. See also HELLO! magazine.
I want to hug that adorable old turtle next to yellow dress.
That yellow dress was AWFUL! And clearly wasn't the only one either! Lord.
@cupcakesofdeath: Eh, I've already forgotten all their names.
Even though they're all smiling I suspect there is not much joy in these people's lives.
shouldn't it be lolcialites? and also, do not tease me with lolcaptions and not deliver!
Olivia Palermo's dress is really cute. I think she has great style and I covet her hair!
All cities have socialites, Jez. Yet still, no one knows their purpose.
@NoFrillsLabelWhore: I always wonder about that. I'm lookin' at you, Cristina Greeven Cuomo, whoever you are.
I must admit, though, that I adore some of their names, including Byrdie Bell and Tinsley Mortimer.
My tween daughter's nickname since birth has been Birdie...and yes...it always makes me giggle. Its a sweet name.
I would love to overhear a "conversation" among these people. Think it approximates anything close to a Jezzie commenting string? I'm thinking monosyllables.
Cristina Greeven Cuomo: VPL doesn't equal brave.
Yes, they needed to keep it simple, and also, what's with all the springy looks? It's still winter, and I thought they weren't supposed to break the spring stuff out of the mothballs until Easter - isn't that the plan that the rich and sophisticated make us all play by? I don't know because I never gave a shit.
I like the name Birdie. Note I didn't say Byrdie, but Birdie. It was my great-granny's name. And while she was a bit bonkers and always gave me slightly-aged chocolate to snack on, she was terribly interesting.
Cynthia Lufkin: It's almost as though the 90s never happened, innit? You just WEAR that prom dress like it's '88, baby. You wear it. Thems were simpler times...
We should come up with a mechanism by which you discover your socialite name! Like, favorite animal+y is your first name, and your favorite aerobic exercise activity is your last. I'd be Kitty Spinner!
Olivia Palermo: "mah statick kling. i show u it."
Sly Jennifer, teasing us with "LOLSocialites!"
Susan Shin is not a stupid name if you're Korean.
I think everything except that hot, tanned man belongs under the ugly column.
(insert predictable joke about Seamen storming Palermo's crotch)
(rimshot)
@NoFrillsLabelWhore: Yeah, I have totally crappy hair, so I always notice when people get all dolled up but leave their hair similarly crappy.
My excuse (beside the fact that I'm lazy!) is that I don't have enough money for a great cut/styling. I don't think they can use that excuse.
Does Carrie Cloud just have freckles or is that some pretty extreme sunspot damage. I'd be covering that shizz up. I am going to give props to Bell for carrying that look off. No simple task.
@AlannaBanana: Actually I hate exercising, but you know.
@talk2tehhand: After March 1, I make my official declaration of spring and stop wearing socks. One can only wear dreary shoes for so long.
I love how Tinsley Mortimer's hubby is like "Good lord woman, stop this bullshit and be normal."
These women are why I hate living on the UpperEast.
I clicked on this link hoping they were macro'd, all captioned like the LOLmoddles.
"Hai! I is a LOL-soasha-light. I can has ostentayshusness now plz?"
I kind of want Jaymee Gregory's dress--the yellow one with the enorm pockets--because the pockets look just like great big huge kernels of corn.
Christina Greeven Cuomo is married to former NY governor Mario Cuomo's youngerst son, Chris Cuomo, who's a reporter for ABC news...FYI
And LOL, none of those "housewives of nyc" would ever be invited to an event like this, never in their wildest dreams...
Jennifer Creel's dress looks about four inches too short in the bodice. She must have some major double-sided tape action going on there to keep those puppies from showing their noses. Not so much with the classy.
That fluorescent marigold dress is just awful... and the outside-mounted pockets? WTF?
Hee. I'm working at tonight's socialite event du jour. Many of these ladies will be there. My dress is fab, hope the socialites don't disappoint.
Ugh, Nicole Miller has been trying to make that crinkly taffeta-y spandex-y dress work for 3 seasons now. Not a fan. Lolling at "stuck between Tara and Saved by the Bell."
@tscheese: word. I was going to send it around to my co-workers as a rev-up to tonight if it was all LOLed (LOLVogue is a huge hit round these parts).
@Cry4Hemp: Their purpose is to donate some of their wealth. And in order to get them to do that, we have to pretend that they're important and give them fun parties to attend. They are difficult to keep happy, these creatures.
@amandahugnkiss: Unfortunately, that style of dress is very "I got drunk and date raped after Prom", I mean really? A wrinkled up "satin" column? It's just bad...
I think JCreel looks fabulous. And I kinda like the crazy yellow dress. In a crazy yellow way.
I love the "Sartorialist" blog. And I just can't stand to talk about Eliot Spitzer for one second more. But these folks would never appear on the Sartorialist!