Holy scat. I'm not sure why this story is deserving of a whole post, or where I'm going with it, but whatevs. A 35-year-old woman in Kansas sat on her boyfriend's toilet for two years. She sat so long she became fused to the toilet. And for two years her boyfriend brought her food on the john. Her neighbor said the news "really doesn't surprise me"; he hadn't seen her in six years. Who are these people? Well, drug addicts obviously. But what drug glues you to a toilet for two years? And what, after two years, finally prompts your boyfriend to call someone? The story points out helpfully that their house "had another bathroom he could use." Did it get clogged or something? Or did she finally make it through the huge stack of New Yorkers?
"She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body. It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself," said Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple to the AP. Us too! Anyway, needless to say, don't try this at home. Her legs atrophed! And...um...it doesn't seem like it was particularly intellectually stimulating in there either.