Elisabeth Hasselbeck is stupid. We know this because, among other reasons, back in July the New York Post ran the most damning testament to the blonde View host's stupidity that anyone is ever going to bother writing about Elisabeth Hasselbeck. But she is determined to prove otherwise! Yesterday she was back in the Post's Page Six Magazine, full of nerdy asides straight out of an SAT prep class. The result is a profile that is sort of like that time during the 2000 election, post the whole "fuzzy math" exchange, when Bush memorized the Serbian president's name and Will Ferrell parodied it on one of those SNL skits that was so very humorous pre- the whole three trillion dollar unjust war debacle thingy. Watch Hasselbeck recite the periodic table, trigonometric formulas — and show off a bonus pic of her art! — after the jump.

I loved the science fair. If I didn't take home first place, I was mad. I love the element charts, and I can probably recite the formula for cotangent. I still remember the song we sang [to memorize it]: 'Sine, cosine, cosine, sine.' Sometimes I'll go, 'Hey sugar! C₆H₁₂O₆' And Tim will look at me like, 'Did I marry you? Why are you giving me the chemical formations of these things? Please stop, because I'm reconsidering this whole commitment!

To this day I use what happened to me there as the pH test for difficult things that happen to me now. You know, I'm standing in the grocery line or I'm waiting for an answer for something that means a lot, and I g, 'You stood on a log that was 12 inches in diameter for eight hours with the sun beating on your back with nothing in your body to sustain you.'

pH tests! Diameter! Come on Liz, why don't you give us the circumference of that 12-inch log? Bonus points if you convert it to the metric system! Now give us the surface area! Presuming the log is 1.37 meters long, what's the volume of the log?

Okay, so we know Elisabeth excels at math and science. But she is also competent with analogies!

It's a different chemistry with each group. But I tell Whoopi, 'If you're driving the car, I'll go anywhere,' because I feel she really knows how to — I guess, shift, to stick with the analogy. She knows when to ease off the clutch and get on the gas, she knows how to drive that car, and I feel as though there isn't as much cross-talk.

What's more, she is a talented artist:
Really, there are no words, except maybe "Hasselbecktacular!"

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