Monday. Lost sleep. Little Saturday win for Obama. Lots of winsome rhetoric from Clinton. Weeks more to come. We are tired. Beaten-down. Another convoluted 900-page insider account of the lead-up to war. Heavy sigh. And now this: Bill Clinton insisting, assuring America that a Hillary-Obama ticket will be unstoppable, inevitable. Inevitable. That word again! Was it inevitable all along? Oh, probably. The team that will say anything to win, wins. Oh look what Megan just unearthed! It's the text of a 2005 speech by Hillary R Clinton. Abortion is "a sad, even tragic choice to many, many women. There is no reason why government cannot do more to educate and inform and provide assistance so that the choice guaranteed under our constitution either does not ever have to be exercised or only in very rare circumstances." Sigh. Really? Is this the person you want answering the red phone at 3 a.m. (which should really be 2 a.m., but anyway...) Isn't there something sad (if not quite tragic) about that? That and a brief discussion of the movie Ghost World, with me and Glamocracy's Megan Carpentier, after the jump.
MOE: Okay I hope your weekend was better than mine.
MEGAN: Mine involved shopping for bridesmaids dresses.
MEGAN: The other 2 bridesmaids were sizes 2 and 4.
MEGAN: I was sober.
MOE: I love this whole strategy whereby Bill Clinton keeps offering voters the chance to have Obama for vice president. I wonder if I could make it a self-fulfilling prophecy if I just kept going around telling some guy's friends that I was destined to be his wife? I mean, I bet a girl could pull that off. But how fucking crazy would that bitch be? Anyway Obama won in Wyoming. Do we know the delegate split yet? He's favored in Mississippi. Hillary's still behind. But whoa! She's on the cover of Newsweek. I stop paying attention whenever I find myself nodding in agreement with some piece of writing and then realizing it's Peggy Noonan. Not that that happened, no
MEGAN: The vote count was 60-40, and the delegate split was 7-5. He picked up 2, basically. Drip drip drip.
MEGAN: But, yes, I think the Clinton camp using the whole "dream ticket" idea is a load of hooey meant to convince voters to vote for her even though she knows it will never actually happen like that.
MEGAN: I also think it's as presumptuous as a bunch of other people have said for the person who is NOT CURRENTLY WINNING the delegate count/popular vote to offer the front runner the number 2 spot on her ticket.
MOE: Well Tom Daschle basically said the same thing.
"It's really a rare occurrence, maybe the first time in history, that the person who's running No. 2 would offer the person who's running No. 1 the No. 2 position," Daschle said.
MEGAN: Yes. I hate agreeing with that dude who couldn't beat John Thune.
MEGAN: Because, I'm sorry South Dakota and Mrs. Thune, he may have hair like John Edwards but J.E. has way more between his ears.
MOE: So I had this conversation once more with an old friend last night. There is absolutely no argument re voting or not voting for Clinton that is not caught up in the meta debate over the fact that she is a female who wears pantsuits. The meta debate that is perhaps the least interesting, least fungible thing, most worn-out overanalyzed thing you could bother pondering at this point and yet it won't go away. It's so tiresome.
MOE: Anyway whatever. Have you ever paid a visit to the storied DC flophouse??
MEGAN: I have sort of wondered this for a while now. Could a dude have called for a woman's right to abortion never to be exercised and be the Democratic front runner or even almost front runner? The heat on the comment boards over Obama's strategic "present" votes in the Illinois Senate tells me it would be a hard damn sell to some people.
MEGAN: Could a dude candidate who voted in favor of giving Bush the Congressional authority to start the Iraq war be the front runner in 2008? Chances are, probably not.
MOE: Whoa, never to be exercised. Never to be exercised...never...My head is spinning... remember that time I made that big Pull-out poll? Pulling out is the only method that works, kids, I promise you. Apropos of nothing. Another person I know just got pregs. On the fucking pill. There is no reason not to consider going through with an unplanned pregnancy, but never to be exercised. That is pretty much the same exact thing John McCain said about abortion in 1999, except maybe not quite as harsh. The old, "I wish abortion didn't exist and we didn't need Roe v. Wade." Well, we all wish unwanted pregnancies didn't happen. Right? I do. Sigh. Whatever. Wow. That's a pretty good catch, Saletan. Yikes. I have cramps now.
MEGAN: I know, my breasts have been killing me for 2 days, cramps should start in 5...4...3...2...
MEGAN: Dammit, are we cycling together?!! We don't even live in the same city.
MEGAN: Anyway, so, back to yours DC Flophouse question thingie. No, I've never been but I haven't been a blogger for that long and I'm a leetle bit older than them, not that I know any of them anyway but I'm pretty sure Ezra Klein friended me on Facebook.
MOE: Is it any wonder that young women like the one used in that Hillary Clinton 3 a.m. commercial actually support Obama? Despite the fact, as Peggy fucking Noonan pointed out.
(The amazing thing was not that they lifted the concept from Walter Mondale's '84 run, but that the answer to the question "Who are you safer with?" was, The Woman. Not that people really view Hillary as a woman, but still: That would not have been the answer even 20 years ago.)
MEGAN: People don't really view Hillary as a woman? Fuck you, Peggy Noonan.
MEGAN: Also, um, and I love my Dad and all, but when I have a crisis that does not involve an enormous rodent under my sink and a question that does not involve whether or not I can successfully nail shut said cabinets rather than eradicating said rodent, I totally call my mom, too.
MOE: Angela dated Kriston, and I recently had dinner with Spencer, who then sent me a link to one of Kriston's vlogs, and IMed me while the photographers were at their house, so I was actually waiting for the story to come out, in that way that I often look to see if anyone in the Styles section is someone I know, because often there are many of them, which makes it doubly weird when someone I am actually curious about and/or intimidated by happens to show up there also. Blargh. Anyway. Re Peggy Noonan, come on that was a joke. I feel defensive. I would have made that aside myself and it would not have warranted "Fuck you." I realized over the weekend that the problem I have with people, in general, was summed up in that line from Ghost World where Thora Birch justifies her affair with Steve Buscemi by saying "He's the opposite of everything I hate." Everyone here, there, against Hillary, pro-Hillary, etc. etc. still seems to be defining themselves against some adolescent notion of what they hate and I'm just so fucking sick of it. Well, I"m sick of it until I go back to the suburbs and turn back into that person I guess. I don't know. Why so melancholy today? Oh yes, I lost an hour. Plus I just lost another hour of work when my browser crashed. I lost two hours. Hours I will never get back. Hours that don't compare to the years I've wasted on ill-advised romantic liasons or applying and removing eyeliner, but still. Ergh.
MEGAN: But, see, what I know of you I know that it would actually be a joke. What I know of Peggy Noonan — which is to say, nothing personal — is that she's just parroting this conservative joke that Hillary's really a man or something that my ex tells all the time but has never actually been funny because I always knew/know that someday I'll be that bitch in some way and he'll be telling it about me.
MEGAN: Also, the difficulty of eyeliner generally speaking is why before this year I'd literally worn in so little i could count the number of times on one hand.
MOE: Yeah I have spent full months probably applying eye makeup and I still never even got around to attempting the liquid.
MOE: There are things we should talk about
MOE: Doug Feith, for one.
MEGAN: Oh, Jesus Christ. I actually read that yesterday and said out loud, Oh, Jesus Christ
MOE: McCain vs. the grizzly bears for another.
MEGAN: I like the bear lady. Also, $5 million in approps made by former Republican Senator and Abramoff-bribe-taker Conrad Burns to do the research to take the bears off the Endangered Species List and return control of bear management to the states (it's states' rights, y'all!) seems like a lot of money.
MEGAN: Like, that's the end result of the ESA? A clusterfuckery of expensive requirements that it requires even more government spending to deal with? But I do like the bear lady.
MEGAN: Also, Conrad Burns is so stupid that he made lobbyists' heads hurt.
MOE: But in the context of such disasters as, you know, that thing Feith was mixed up in, well. So: Feith defends Rumsfeld in a massive score-settling 900 page manuscript that disses mostly on the CIA, Tommy Franks and L. Paul Bremer. This is the best paragraph, I think:
Among the disclosures made by Feith in "War and Decision," scheduled for release next month by HarperCollins, is Bush's declaration, at a Dec. 18, 2002, National Security Council meeting, that "war is inevitable." The statement came weeks before U.N. weapons inspectors reported their initial findings on Iraq and months before Bush delivered an ultimatum to Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein. Feith, who says he took notes at the meeting, registered it as a "momentous comment.
MOE: But this is probably the most telling:
He reports, as others have, that Franks, who commanded the U.S. invasion force, treated him disrespectfully, sometimes rolling his eyes when Feith asked a question. But he indicates that Franks's disregard grew partly out of the general's lack of interest in planning for the postwar period. When Feith tried to talk to him about one aspect of that, Franks walked around the table, leaned over and said, "Doug, I don't have time for this [expletive]."
MEGAN: Feith is like an idiot savant without the savant part.
MEGAN: I'll bet you his "talking about postwar planning" involved where to get the flowers with which the liberated Iraqis were supposed to shower our troops.
MOE: NINE HUNDRED PAGES.
MEGAN: Cough, ghost writer, cough