Why Don't I Love Shoes? An Exploration, In Photos

I first spotted these $2,975 Balenciaga gladiator boots in the March issue of Teen Vogue. Little did I know I would be seeing them again and again and again and again and again! Because, you see, they are so practical. A real wardrobe staple! No seriously, I immediately thought, "I do not get it." And by "it," I mean "shoes." I do not get why anyone would want, or even aspire to want, to attempt to affix all these fragile, elaborate, intricately constructed and dare I say totally ugly and oh yeah also multi-thousand dollar sculptures onto the body parts responsible for their very mobility. Am I not a woman? Sometimes I wonder this. Dodai and Maria both claimed to like these Balenciaga things. Am I alone in my bafflement? A column in the Times of London this week claimed that "A woman who really is tired of fashion is a woman who is tired of life." Oh, is that it? After the jump, a photo essay culled from some recent magazines pondering my ennui re the season's most coveted footwear.

Why Don't I Love Shoes? An Exploration, In Photos


Oh look, here they are again, in some issue of Vogue.

Why Don't I Love Shoes? An Exploration, In Photos


Okay, yeah, at this point I am making a point. This is a whole other issue of Vogue. Still ugly. So what could possibly replace the Gladiator boots?

Why Don't I Love Shoes? An Exploration, In Photos


Hey, these look like the shoes that little Japanese schoolgirls used to wear, and then DIE. On the plus side, they're all under $735.

Why Don't I Love Shoes? An Exploration, In Photos


These five-inch Chloe numbers would be eminently practical if only I could figure out what season they were for.

Why Don't I Love Shoes? An Exploration, In Photos


Oh, here it is! Balenciaga again. Is there a person you know who could get their $3,495 worth from these tarantula-esque black...um, boots? Of course, for the less-cultured masses they have these python Miu Miu slingbacks. They are only $945. Hey, like my rent! Okay, you get it...Betch.

Kelly Likes Shoes [MySpace]
Why Fashion Matters [Times Of London]
Feminism Is No Match For A Giddy Pair Of Shoes [Independent]
The Shoes Maketh The Woman [The F Word]