Can You Get A Decent Night's Sleep With A Loved One In Bed?

There is nothing like the blissful, thoroughly entangled sleep enjoyed in the arms of a new beau... to remind you of the cruel impermanence of first love, the dopaminal mirage that is the notion you can ever be truly content with someone else, how monogamy sucks and nothing ever lasts etc. etc. etc. Know what I mean? Because let's face it: sleeping in the same bed as your boyfriend all the time sucks, a sad truth addressed in the March Elle by a woman, Ruth Davis Konigsberg, whose husband Eric is a talented feature writer for the New York Times but who the fuck cares; it's not like he's running for president, the point is he snores. And violently kick his legs upwards in the middle of the night, a condition called Periodic Limb Movement Disorder, or PLMD, which seems as good a reason as any to vilify the pharmaceutical industry once more for assigning a technical name to another behavior exhibited by EVERY BOYFRIEND I EVER HAD/go in for a Klonopin prescription.

But after years of that chronic sleep deprivation we all suffer, Ruth decides to deal with things the natural way; by getting a new bed.

She looks at something called a "split king" — like a king bed, but with two twin sides. Her husband doesn't want to get it. Then...I don't think she ends up getting the bed. I didn't really finish the story because I'm kind of sleep-deprived. Because I've been sleeping next to someone? Hah, I wish; fuck you guys.

On a side note: does anyone drool? I have a drooling problem. Never been a snorer, just a drooler...

While You Weren't Sleeping [Elle]