It's Super Twosday, fellow workers! Two Democratic primaries could end — or breathe life into! — the Hillary campaign tonight, and so the timing seems somewhat suspicious (or maybe just auspicious! for whom? no idea!) that conservative hero Alex P. Keaton, champion of Reaganomics and wearing ties to school, would choose today to endorse Barack Obama. Was it Barry's economist's little rendevous with that Canadian consular officer that did it for Alex? Did Michelle's college thesis awaken Alex's inner Princetonophile? Or is it all just a personal jab at doubting Rush Limbaugh's sudden plea for his listeners to vote Hillary? Will this soap opera ever end?? (Oh god, please!) A serious discussion of why the black JFK can win over the nation's most beloved fictional supply-sider but not the Catholic vote with me and fellow Catholic Glamocracy's Megan Carpentier, after the jump!
MOE:: So okay, tonight is a really important night. Hillary needs to win or else, well, as she told Jon Stewart, it's pretty pathetic.
MEGAN: I have to say, I watched that and she didn't cackle even once.
MEGAN: Although a darker brown suit would've been better.
MOE:: She did a really good job. And that was a funny answer. Everyone's really impressed that she's not "acting like a loser" yet, you know? Like at this Eva Longoria-moderated town hall meeting in Texas yesterday. Um, did you know Eva Longoria is a former Miss Corpus Christi? Because that was news to me.
MEGAN: Whoa, that is news to me, too. But, yay for a short girl winning a beauty contest!
MEGAN: I mean, the problem becomes that if she actually doesn't pull it out today, does she continue to act like a winner and try to keep going through Pennsylvania anyway.
MOE:: Okay, so today's big news to me is that Alex P. Keaton would be an Obamican. This revelation comes to us via his ghostwriter Gary David Goldberg. "I think Obama's slogan is very similar to Alex's own personal mantra: "Of Course I Can." Now ha ha ha yes that is fiction, but the rationale behind it sort of mirrors the rationale behind this nonfiction blog post by Netscape co-founder and gazillionaire Marc Andreessen, who also gave money to Mitt Romney. The Obamicans are, to me, the most fascinating niche of the Obama constituency, because they are willing to discard all their ill-conceived ideology just to get someone motherfucking smart in the White House.
The other person, or their software, refused the request.
MOE:: Okay, so today's big news to me is that Alex P. Keaton would be an Obamican. This revelation comes to us via his ghostwriter Gary David Goldberg. "I think Obama's slogan is very similar to Alex's own personal mantra: "Of Course I Can."
MOE:: Now ha ha ha yes that is fiction, but the rationale behind it sort of mirrors the rationale behind this nonfiction blog post by Netscape co-founder and gazillionaire Marc Andreessen, who also gave money to Mitt Romney. The Obamicans are, to me, the most fascinating niche of the Obama constituency, because they are willing to discard all their ill-conceived ideology just to get someone motherfucking smart in the White House.
MEGAN: Well, but presumably they consider their ideology to be somewhat less ill-conceived most of the time.
MEGAN: I mean, do they not consider Clinton smart? Because she's not stupid. And neither's McCain, even if I disagree with him politically. So why are these guys going for Obama, who is legitimately considered to be far more liberal than Hillary by more than just the National Journal?
MOE:: Yeah and it also gets to this nagging curiosity: Is Obama really a Leftist? Does he really hate NAFTA? What did NAFTA ever do to him?
MOE:: I like this snippet from the Andressen blog post:
We then asked, well, what about foreign policy — should we be concerned that you just don't have much experience there?
He said, directly, two things.
First, he said, I'm on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, where I serve with a number of Senators who are widely regarded as leading experts on foreign policy — and I can tell you that I know as much about foreign policy at this point as most of them.
Being a fan of blunt answers, I liked that one.
MEGAN: Um, Richard Lugar? But, ok, politicians have egos.
MOE:: Andreessen also, for the record, made a really big deal about how Barack Obama not being a Boomer is a really excellent change of pace. And none of his commenters got all like "Oh, so Hillary can't do anything right she can't even be born at the right time" on him. Not that I checked his comments.
MEGAN: But, omigod, Moe, everyone knows you hate Hillary for completely inarticulate and illegitimate reasons! And you're a misogynist! And you only want to vote for Obama because you think he's hot! Haven't you learned yet?
MOE:: Hahaha I told you how my mom wants everyone to vote for Hillary now. Seriously, women and the mind-changing thing! But I think anyway that it's mainly because everyone is REALLY REALLY PSYCHED that whoever we get probably, oh fuck, EVEN MIKE HUCKABEE WOULD BE BETTER THAN BUSH. So yes, anyway, we should discuss this NAFTA thing. What does it mean? Obama's economic adviser Austan Goolsbee met with an officer at the Canadian consulate. Not the consul general, but a political and economic affairs consular officer based in Chicago. And said some stuff. I dunno. I'm having trouble taking this seriously as a scandal. A Canadian diplomat based in Chicago... I dunno.
MEGAN: Also, wtf is up with the Canadian government leaking memos from their consulates
MEGAN: Are the Canadians for Hillary?
MOE:: She is the one who covets their healthcare system most brazenly I guess? I dunno. Michael Moore doesn't like her. Right? I guess we should talk about what is happening tonight. I keep hearing all these things about how the polls are suggesting they're in "dead heat." But then you actually CLICK ON THE LINK and the numbers say Obama is ahead. Meh, everyone who supports Obama is basically afraid of jinxing shit, which I suppose is smart when the Rush Limbaughs of the world are telling all their constituents to go cross the aisle and pull the lever for Hillary to keep the "soap opera" going. I think Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter and so on are actually afraid of this Alex P. Keaton phenomenon. So here's a question apropos of nothing: why can't Mr. Black JFK win over the Catholics?
MEGAN: Not that this isn't a completely horrible thing to say, but you know how people say the most racist Northern city is Boston? Yeah, what majority religion is Boston?
MEGAN: The real question for me is why they all like Hillary.
MEGAN: Because, God knows, Catholics aren't known for their forward-thinking stances on women.
MOE:: I don't think Catholics are as racist as other Christians.
MOE:: THERE I'VE SAID IT
MOE:: Oh but maybe the Latins? Are we blaming the Latins for this one?
MEGAN: You're probably right. The Hillary "brand" (as some commentator called it this week) does seemingly sell better in Latino communities and the Latino community is overwhelmingly Catholic.
MOE:: Says expert John Green: "He speaks in the cadences of the black church, with a real Protestant approach." Really?
MEGAN: Well, it is truly rare to get a priest that can given an inspiring sermon, it's mostly drone drone drone drone and now, back to the script!
MEGAN: So, if Protestantism is characterized by more inspirational speakers, no wonder Catholics aren't doing that gret.
MOE:: Oh I guess that's true. They're saying he inspires like a Protestant. Hillary speaks to the folks who grew up falling asleep during Latin Mass while the pastor faced the Crucifix.
MEGAN: Hooray for Vatican II.
MEGAN: Also, did you know you can still find Latin Masses?