Jezebel
As previously reported, in 1950, British novelist/critic Marghanita Laski (aka Honorary Jezebel No. 1) called bullshit on women's magazines. She also turned her piercing, unwavering eye on those who critique and write about clothes (Lucky editors, are you listening?). "My study is of the fashion writer in the glossy monthlies whose language, while representing the quintessence of glamour to thousands of women, must be still virtually incomprehensible to millions more," she wrote. "It is in the bold misuse of our contemporary vocabulary that the art of the fashion writer is seen at its best; and for those who may wish to penetrate into hitherto unexplored fields I append an all too short glossary." "Cheap Clothes For Fat Old Women", Laski's informative and quite funny glossary, after the jump.
"I should add that the abbreviation G.W. indicates a Glamour Word, extremely evocative in the right context and of no real meaning whatsoever." — Laski
Amusing: cheap.To sum things up, Laski translates the title of her column, "Cheap Clothes For Fat Old Women" into fashion editor speak: "Limited-Income Clothess for Dignified Maturity." Were she alive today, surely Lucky would drive Ms. Laski insane.
Bold: G.W.; e.g., b. back-sweeping fullness.
Brief: very short in length: e.g., b. bolero, b. panties.
Bulge, Unseemly: stomach fat.
Classic: English garment (shoes, hat, suit) barely susceptible to fashion changes.
Crisp: G.W.; e.g., a c. silhouette, c. touches of white.
Demure: (of hats and hair styles) those which symmetrically frame the face.
Dignified: (i) of women: old; (ii) of clothes: for old women.
Dramatic: virtually unwearable, but photographs well.
-Est: Intensive used instead of "very" ; e.g., palest gray, softest and finest worsteds.
Everywhere: in a very few places; e.g., sable stoles are e.
Flattery: G.W.; e.g., the f. of mink, diamonds, orchids against your skin.
Frankly: would be ugly if we didn't tell you it wasn't; e.g., a f. jagged hemline.
Fuzz, Unsightly: superfluous hair on the legs.
Generous: (i) the designer is making nothing out of the dress length; e.g., g. cuffs; (ii) fat.
Hairs, Obstinate or Recalcitrant: the unwanted mustache; e.g., tweak out those o. (or r.) h.
Important: G.W.
Jaunty: G.W.
Limited-Income: cheap.
Midriff: stomach
Nostalgic: G.W.
Older: (of women) old.
Team: to wear one thing with another; e.g., t. your palest gray dress with the subtle flattery of a brief scarlet bolero.
That, Those: adjectives of distaste and elimination; e.g., eliminate t. unsightly bugle, or, as above, tweak out t. recalitrant hairs.
Cheap Clothes For Fat Old Women [The Atlantic, fee req'd]
Earlier: Awesome British Lass Gives Women's Magazines Her Best Left Hook
Lucky Magazine's Sexy, Glamorous "Caption Dementia"
Comments
Those dramatic carcass hats are going to be everywhere, frankly.
Heart.
Were she alive today, Lucky would drive her to her grave.
Fantastic.
@Ptarmigan: No kidding. If Lucky can drive a fashion moron like me insane, I'm pretty sure Lucky would do to her what the Ark in Raiders of the Lost Ark did to the Nazis.
Great. Now can she translate the posts over on Defamer?
"Cheap Clothes For Fat Old Women"
or
Dress Right for Your Body Type: Great finds under $100!
<3
That is all.
Were she alive today
I hope she's been reincarnated. Into someone I'll meet. While drinking.
She is a credit to womanhood.
@Scoregasm: I can feel my face melting off when I read Elle too.
@ceejeemcbeegee: For the win!
This is awesome. On the rare occasions when I actually do try to sit down and read one of the articles in my Vogue or Elle or Harper's Bazaar, I find myself so confused!
She kinda looks like Drew Barrymore ... except, of course, for the brain.
Y'all never focus on the use of the word "incredibly" in Lucky. Seriously, it's like twice a page. It wouldn't be so bad if they didn't pretend that the words were coming out of someone else's mouth- you know, like in "my foolproof outfit" when some supposed layperson says "this blouse is incredibly diaphanous, and I like how the jeans make the whole outfit a bit rocker-y."
Can we just christen her St. Jezebel already?
Sadly, Lucky is nothing like its premiere issue. It has evolved into yet another forum for overpriced clothing and accessories. I still like to read it for the cosmetics features. A few of those things are actually available in drug stores or Target! I completely agree with shoebunny about the descriptive words. Rocker-y indeed!
From here on out, I'm going to call my period my "glossy monthlies".
Especially love the obstinate, recalcitrant hair.
She wouldn't melt from Lucky; she'd eat it alive like it were a generous portion of beer marinated steak!
Just wait until she finds out that celebrity couples are having their names joined together!!!
Oh, man. I would pay to be at that shitfest.
Bennifer, I and II. Brangelina, Halo, etc... (but not excuding my personal favorite "Le Will Call" - Rock on Soup, rock on.)
Is that lady Moe's ancestor? Very similar looks.
Can I add one more? Because referring to plural fashion items in the singular drives me crazy. Like when you are told to pair a coat with "a black pant" or why not add "a red flat" instead of just saying "black pants" and "red flats." Grr...
You know those bitches at Lucky read this shit.
YOU MADE LUCKY SUCK! MAKE IT NOT SUCK AGAIN! KTHXBAI!
I still want to fucking spit tacks whenever I see the fucking word painterly.
@AnnieGetYourFun: Hilarious. And you can celebrate your cycle by playing that classic by The Weather Girls, "It's Rainin' Menses"
@NoInheritance: Totes. How have we never heard of this woman before? She is brilliant.
Genius. I'm placing an order on Cafe Press for a "What Would Marghanita Do" shirt pronto!
@themidget: I mean before this general topic came up on Jezebel, not before this particular post.
To anyone who has known of this woman for years, I'm in awe.
@NoInheritance: She's already in the Jezebel logo, just look at it!
I used to be a fact-checker at Lucky (most ridiculous f-ing job in the universe, I know) and was almost driven insane by their constant practice of sticking a "y" on the end of any noun in order to make an adjective: peasant-y, disoco-y, James Bond-y.
They would do this even if there was a perfectly good REAL WORD that meant the exact same thing. I almost snapped when some fool used autumn-y. Autumnal, you ninny! The word is autumnal! My blood pressure is going up just thinking about it, and this was four years ago.
@fulanita: my mom (a very cool lady!) hates that too, especially 'pant'
Great! Where do you find this? And why has a critique written long before we were born had absolutely no effect on the writing in these ad-vehicles? What is the point of sarcasm if it does not shame?
Want. Marghanina's. Lizard.
I love the way she's stroking it like a pet instead of a very cool brooch.
there's another fashion word, delightful,
i think it means 'not our sort, but amusing.'
Lucky magazine actually called the selection of one makeup product over another a "Sophie's choice." Jean Godfrey-June, that is unforgivable.
So, like, what is a fashion-obsessed Jezzie to do? Can we invent a women's glossy that caters to the fashionista writing snob? Because I love fashion nearly as much as I love correcting everyone's grammar and I have to indulge that love somewhere.
@NoInheritance: I second the motion. LOVE her
Do you think we could persuade Virago to re-issue her collected works?
Start a discussion:
Login with your username and password below. Or comment on this post via email.
Forgot your username or password? New User?