A Sexy Lingerie War is brewing in Columbus! What, you thought next Tuesday's primary was the most interesting conflict underway in Ohio? How wrong you'd be! The lingerie war will be better-financed, affect the contents of your underwear drawer for decades to come and has the potential to finally put an end to tyrannical era era of the contoured bra we all hate. On one side of the tussle is Victoria's Secret. With over 1,000 stores, Victoria's Secret is entrenched, but rapidly losing ground. Some are wary of its recent embrace of "ultra-femininity." Some bemoan that its values have changed since its heyday in the nineties. Some bemoan the effects of its agressively free-trade policies. And some are just sick of the paradigm and worldview Victoria's Secret and its associated catalogs, scented body creams and porntacular fashion shows hath wrought. Either way, Victoria's Secret is promising drastic change from the current administration. NOW COMES THE DIRTY SEXY NEW NEWCOMER, Gilly Hicks.
Gilly Hicks is a fresh new lingerie chain that claims to be from "Sydney." (It is not from Sydney! It is from Columbus, Ohio. What, do they hate America?) Either way, Gilly Hicks comes with a host of attractive promises — like a "bra library" featuring 40 styles — and from the looks of its website, it is much more likely to produce a better variety of non-padded bras. But it has some un-attractive (and allegedly racist!) backers: Abercrombie & Fitch. Also if you go to the website and watch their video you will feel kind of dirty because it is total porn.
Also if you got half of those references, uh, you're a nerd.