Jezebel
A story on Newsweek may make those uninitiated with the "Bridezilla" phenomenon a bit, well, flabbergasted and dismayed. Take Noelle Nicolai. Nicolai, 24, got engaged in early January and says that no one has asked her about her future plans or honeymoon; everyone just wants to know what she'll look like on her wedding day. She has caved into the pressure of "aesthetic obsession" and now has a to-do list that includes teeth whitening, facials, waxings, hair treatments, tanning, creams and cleaners for her skin and a retainer to realign her teeth. She also plans to lose 12 pounds, even though she is thin and has a BMI of 20. There are, Pat Wingert and Sarah Elkins write, 1,350 wedding books for brides in print. (On TV, there are shows like Bridezillas, Platinum Weddings, Rich Bride, Poor Bride, Buff Brides, Bulging Brides and My Big Fat Fabulous Wedding.) The "standard" for weddings these days? "Red carpet-worthy good looks." Except! Guess what, ladies? You're not on the red carpet. A wedding is not an awards show. A bride is not a celebrity.
In some cultures, a marriage is a transfer of property. Sometimes there's a procession, an elephant, a woman being carried on a litter. But in the Western world, you used to just say your vows in front of a religious dude and call it a night. No six months of preparation for one day. How long is a wedding "day," these days, anyway? Twenty-four hours? A weekend? Oh, you say, but the pictures! Are forever! But look at old wedding photos of your Grandma (or your great aunt Blanche, or anyone before, say, World War II.) Doesn't she look beautiful? Chances are, it wasn't because she went into debt buying a Vera Wang dress, rare orchids and "buff bride" boxing lessons. It was because she was in love. What is the point of forcing one day to be "perfect" and unnaturally polished? What does the perfect wedding really look like? Shouldn't it just a day on which everyone is just damn happy to be there?
The Incredible Shrinking Bride [Newsweek]
[Random 1947 non-famous people wedding photo via Fashion-Era.com]
Comments
Stories like this are why I love you, Dodai.
The pressure put on a bride to be 'perfect' is awful. I still look at my wedding pictures and lament I wasn't thinner.
I'm starting a slow clap for you.
I LOVE my grandparents wedding picture. They were dirt poor (farm kids during the depression), and they married when he came back from WW2. He is in his Marine uniform, and she is in a homemade dress. She is looking straight ahead and beaming--and he is looking at her, with such a proud face. I LOVE it.
Can we have a Grandma's Wedding picture post?
Don't hate me but I LOVE Platinum Weddings and all the other shows that show really tacky over the top weddings.
The other night there was this trashtastic Jersey couple that spent 1.15 MILLION on a 600-person wedding. The flowers alone cost $250,000. And when the bride, resembling Dina Lohan, went dress shopping, she was like "OHMAIGAWWWDD eight thousand is such a bawgain! I thought it would be like $20,000!"
It's fun to get all dolled up, though.
And 20 years from now, when these brides look at their photos and see the fake tans and strapless dresses and three-inch heels, they'll say, "Gawd, what was I thinking?"
Honestly? The photo of JFK Jr. and Caroline Bessette emerging from that tiny little church made (and still makes) me swoon.
agreed: the Perfect Bride is a Happy, In-Crazy-Love Bride. THE END.
The best decision I ever made was to buy a wedding dress to fit my current body and didn't diet. Seriously. That's what photoshop is for...
The only thing you should worry about six months before the wedding is if you're marrying the right person. If that's sorted, all you really have to do is show up and smile.
Thank you! I'm in the middle of planning my wedding and it's such a stuggle to fight all of the madness. As I told my finace, I'm not working out to be 100 pounds after we're married and I'm not doing now either.
@Leiakat: Oh, and I got a copy of my Grandmother's wedding photo this Christmas. She was breathtaking, and I know the wedding was quick due to WWII.
Ah to the days where wedding were usually small and simple....and beautiful.
Mine were on the roof of their converted farmhouse in full hippie gear. They were married by a friend, a friend made the crappy cake, and everyone may or may not have taken acid (This depends on who you ask.) My mother made her dress and looked glorious; my handsome father - full hair & beard in tow - also looked magnificent. And they were so happy their eyes shined almost out of their faces.
That being said, a coworker just got hitched at the city hall in SF. The place is BEAUTIFUL. And I've always wanted to go the city hall route.
The one time I have been in a wedding, I almost passed out. I can't handle people looking at me like that.
Bridezilla exists within every bride-to-be
Not this one, sorry. If you surround yourself with people who are not completely toxic, you don't get stupid questions about "what you are going to look like."
Also, I'm letting my mom plan it. I could really give a shit.
@zivah: Uh, that should be "My parents . . ."
They'll regret in when they're signing the divorce papers, muhahaah!
Love you, Dodai
When my grandmother was engaged, she entered a contest that paid for wedding expenses held at some theatre in Manhattan. She had to write a letter as to why she felt so deserving of this. She was not the most literate lady, so her boss wrote the letter and she won the contest which included . . . wait for it . . . the Marx Brothers as entertainment and wedding "officials." True story.
I'm so with you. Even with my pale skin, crooked teeth, and flabby arms, I think I was a beautiful bride. So does my husband. Everyone else can go screw.
I totally relate to this. I was bound and determined to have a simple, pretty wedding, and the more I insisted that I didn't want a giant formal dress and I wasn't going to have a makeup artist and I had no intention of wearing six layers of suck-it-in foundation garments, the more upset and confused everyone got. It totally stressed me out.
Spot on, Dodai. So spot on I had to use the expression spot on.
If/When I get married, I'm grabbing my best friend and my man and going to city hall.
The "perfect" bride looks like herself, only she's cleaned up and smiling bigger than usual.
I have pics from my parents' 1952 wedding in various places in my house. A borrowed dress, their regular church and the local VFW hall made for one beautiful day.
@brendastarlet: Exactly. Good taste is never out of style, and bad taste is never in. And pretty much every single thing on those wedding shows is the absolute definition of Bad Taste.
The day before my wedding (this past October) members of my husbands family were slapping food out of my hand every time I went to take a bite of something because "You have to wear that dress tomorrow! Watch her!" By the way: I'm a size 4. A 4. And even if I weren't, eating a turkey burger isn't going to make me fatter. And even if it DID, fuck you!
@TwoScoops: Uh, sorry about "totally" twice. (Grew up in Cali.)
Dodai, you forgot to mention the "My Big Redneck Wedding" show on CMT, hosted by Tom Arnold. This crapfest is ALWAYS on in the gym when I go to walk in the afternoons. It's....scary.
btw, I love that picture.
I think the bridal industry is pretty morally bankrupt, but it's the consumer that buys into it. Why not spend that money on a house or the honeymoon? I'd rather have a longer honeymoon trip to someplace totally kick-ass then a one-time only $20K dress any day. I've never understood the whole fancy wedding obsession. Actually seems self-aggrandizing, ego-centric and cheesy. And kind of dismissive of the dude too.
My parents got married in their dining room. My mom wore a white, embroidered hippie-type dress and my dad wore a button down and slacks. There was a justice of the peace, some friends and family, cake, paper plates and plastic forks. They only have one wedding picture. That's about what I want, I think.
I look like butt in my wedding photos because my ladies and I got really drunk the night before and totally cocked up putting my hair into curlers.
I woke up the next day with about a pound of product on my pillow and some janky ass, slimy lanks of hair. The giant hangover I had also prevented me from waking up in time to take a fecking shower before the damn ceremony so my solution was to just get drunk all over again.
@brendastarlet: Exactly. Look at any wedding album from the 70s to understand what this means.
I had three weddings. We eloped first, then the traditional white dress in a historical church were I live, then we had a pyebaek (korean wedding ceremony) it took 4 months to do everything.
My parents got married at an old school house in the country. After the wedding, they played baseball in the field. All of their wedding pictures have comments written on the back like "Looking for the baseball in the field" and "Mescaline frisbee".
The men have their shirts off, and my dad's band was "Too drunk to play"
My mom still has people tell her it was the best party they've ever been too.
That's a wedding.
Dodai, you're so freakin awesome.
If I get married, it's family and maybe like 3 of my closest friends, in an historic house or a park or something, no grand production. Both sets of my grandparents were married at home, and had long and happy marriages. Who would I be trying to impress with the show anyway?
Ah, I so needed this post - the pressure, even from girlfriends, is absurd. I found myself beating myself up yesterday for not working out two days in a row because I "only have four months." Yikes.
I also knew a girl who started tanning three months before her wedding - bought a massive tanning package. She tanned for 40 minutes multiple times a week!!! She started showing visible signs of skin cancer (discolored moles, patchy skin) but still kept going because she "had to get her money's worth."
I'm all about simplicity and being unique on your wedding day...but have you seen the scourge that is "My Big Redneck Wedding"? Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick....some days I wonder about our country.
The sad thing is, all that work and you're putting on a wedding dress? Wedding dresses are hideous. Even the really really nice expensive ones.
@Spaceman Bill Leah: Hehe. It would've been a blast to be in your wedding party.
@KLondike5: same here. good luck with your planning!
I hate knowing people are staring at me. Which is why I got married at the Memphis juvenile courthouse (talk about bad taste!). And, I have no regrets.
For one time in my life- I looked hot - on my wedding day. I actually was pretty hung over and forgot to shave my pits - so my attendant ran and got me a lady bic from the drug store and I shaved in the bathroom at the church, then walked down the aisle about 4 minutes later.
So, yeah... tanning, teeth whitening..way beyond my comprhension.
City halls are typically gorg. On my wedding day, if this mythical event ever occurs, I'm going to shower, leave my hair down and wear a dress. Our day, we're gonna do it our way: Cheap 'n easy! No way can I see myself marrying anyone who'd want it any other way.
@brendastarlet: What's wrong with strapless dresses?!
i think you can want to look pretty and have it in a pretty place with pretty flowers and pretty music with pretty food without being a total bitch about it. i've seen it happen...even on a budget.
My queer ass is using any "wedding" money on a house, where we will throw the best party/open house ever.
I heart Dodai.
I anti-heart the wedding industry.
That is all.
@TwoScoops: Yep. People freak when I mention that I'm not having bridesmaids and I don't want a white dress. My mom is great about it though which is why she is doing most of the planning
My parents got married at my grandparents house, in front of the "wedding bench" - which you can bet will be brought out if I ever get married.
I was fat, untanned, and had a toothache on my wedding day. There, I said it. Also, ate my lipstick off halfway through and never thought to restore it. I didn't even get my nails done. I forgot about them entirely and my maid of honor was painting them while I was having pictures done at the house. And yet? Still married. Eight years in June. The same cannot be said of a lot of women who looked a lot better than I did on their wedding days. I mean, seriously, the fuck now.
My father recently attended what was supposed to be his law partner's engagement party and it turned out to be a surprise wedding. Yeah, a little ego-inflated of him. But my mom! My mom was unbelievably offended by it (to the point where I just couldn't unde