This Week In Tabloids: Britney & Katie Knocked Up, Brangelina To Wed

Welcome back to Midweek Madness! Today three tabloid covers feature celeb pregnancies: Two covers for Britney Spears and one for Katie Kate Holmes. Rounding out the pack: Angie and Brad are getting married while Jennifer Aniston sings, "The cheese stands alone." The ever-helpful Intern Sharon assists as we sample what the piping-hot weekly mags cook up, in our quest for moist, delicious gossip! Are OK, Life & Style, Star, In Touch and Us half-baked? Find out, after the jump.

This Week In Tabloids: Britney & Katie Knocked Up, Brangelina To Wed

OK!
"Is She Pregnant?" Katie Holmes wore a loose-fitting dress to the Costume Designers Guild awards, so she must be knocked up. A "longtime pal" says Katie's always wanted a big family. Also, she doesn't currently have a film project, so she has time. Moving on: Matthew McConaughey and Fabio are surprise look-alikes - when MMc is wearing a wig for his new film, that is. Paris Hilton facilitated a truce between Nicole Richie and Christina Aguilera by setting up a conference call. [She knows how to work a phone? -Ed.] The Top Ten Wedding Gowns include ones worn by Jessica Simpson, Avril Lavigne and Katherine Heigl; Katie Holmes' is number one. Lastly: Britney's sons visited her, and when Sean Preston was leaving, he said, "I want to stay with Mommy."
Grade: D+ (oat scone)

This Week In Tabloids: Britney & Katie Knocked Up, Brangelina To Wed

Us
"Stood Up By Angelina." The big showcase showdown between Jen Aniston and Angelina at the Night Before Party held at the Beverly Hills Hotel? Didn't happen. Sources say everyone was watching Jen intently, expecting Angie and Brad to show up — but Brad and Angie skipped the party. In addition, Us calls Ange's unborn fetus the "Shiloh sequel." Also inside: Nicole Richie might play Roxie Hart in Chicago on Broadway! (Aw, and Nic is wearing a little disc necklace with a diamond H for Harlow, how cute!) Plus: Javier Bardem has a hot brother named Carlos. Angelina took Maddox to the movies at Hollywood's Arclight theater, then they hit a gift shop and Maddox spotted a pack of gum that read "I ♥ My Penis" on it. Angie laughed and bought it for him. Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson are back on: "They have definitely been talking, hanging out and yes, hooking up," says a source. Lastly, a different source says Jennifer Lopez's babies' names are Max and Emme.
Grade: C (bran muffin)

This Week In Tabloids: Britney & Katie Knocked Up, Brangelina To Wed

Life & Style
"Britney Looks Pregnant." An eyewitness at a steakhouse saw Brit eating with her dad and said, "She totally looks pregnant." An anecdote becomes a cover story! But a source says Brit is on Depo-Provera. Plus, her anti-psychotic meds make pregnancy risky. Other sources say her larger girth is prolly due to the fact that she still eats junk. Moving on: Heidi Klum's John Galliano gown was donated to Elton John's AIDS foundation right after the Oscars. Marc Anthony calls Jennifer Lopez "mi reina" (my queen). Kevin's kids with Shar Jackson — Kori and Kaleb — are well-adjusted and not attention fiends like Sean Preston and Jayden James. A friend says Paris Hilton is "hellbent" on getting married and doesn't care who it is: Good news for her new boyfriend, Benji Madden! Jamie Lynn Spears is embarrassed about her addiction to cheeseburgers and has friends and family pick up her orders from a local place in Kentwood, LA. Jessica Alba has been working out hardcore — too much for a pregnant woman, some think. "It looks like she's training for a marathon," says a source. The mag pits a bunch of female celebs against each other in a spread called "Who's Really Older": Isla Fisher, 32, is "glowing," while Lindsay Lohan, 21, is "worn out."
Grade: C+ (lemon tart)

This Week In Tabloids: Britney & Katie Knocked Up, Brangelina To Wed

In Touch
"Yes, They're Getting Married!" When she was in Iraq she talked to soldiers with wives and families, so now Angie feels she should tie the knot after she gives birth. The wedding will be small and "private" and could be in Santa Barbara or France or a Buddhist beach in Asia. Thanks for narrowing it down! Also inside: Courteney Cox is gaunt. Jamie Lynn Spears is an "uh-oh" baby; when Lynne became pregnant, it was after her husband Jamie had had a vasectomy. He was angry and said that the baby couldn't be his; Lynne got a DNA test and duh, he was the father. (That's why JLS is named after him). Wow. Miley Cyrus has entered a "rebellious phase." Paris Hilton has a new reality show coming to MTV, The Bachelorette: BFF Editon, in which she finds new friends. "I never got to go to college, and this will be my chance to be in a sorority and have that experience," Paris says. Lastly, The List this week is "Hottest Chests": David Beckham, Hugh Jackman and Matthew McConaughey are the top three shirtless dudes.
Grade: B (chocolate chip cookie)

This Week In Tabloids: Britney & Katie Knocked Up, Brangelina To Wed

Star
"Brit's Having My Baby." A paparazzi source says that Adnan "knows that if he has a child with [Britney] he'll be made for life. When I last saw him, he said he planned to marry her and get her pregnant." Another source says Britney is longing for a daughter. Plus: Britney had tears in her eyes when her boys came to visit. She gave them presents and got on the floor to play with them and their toys. At one point, her phone rang, her father told her not answer it, but she said it was important and went outside to have a cigarette and talk on the phone. "It was probably Adnan," says a random source. Also inside: Kirsten Dunst had a sleep disorder, tried pills and "they nearly did her in," says a source. "She told me that several times she woke up in her car. She'd been driving while asleep." Kiki turned to drinking and is still in rehab in Utah. Jennifer Lopez is a "prima donna mama." Apparently the room in which she gave birth had "mood lighting, a pastel-painted interior, and a framed photograph of her later grandmother, Julia." A woman named Cynthia Leon gave birth to a son in the room but was then told to pack her bags because J. Lo was coming. Adrian Grenier has gone "from hottie to hobo." Victoria's Secret model Miranda Kerr to new boyfriend Orlando Bloom: "Take a shower." Lourdes Ciccone has a budget for online shopping: Madonna has told her not to go over $1,000 a month. Posh Spice and Katie Holmes are no longer BFFs because Victoria got a new tattoo and Kate called getting inked "trashy." Oh, snap! Plus: Angelina and Brad are "engaged." A source says: "She doesn't need the ring, that's not her style." Meanwhile, the night of the no-show showdown, Jen Aniston partied and hooked up with Sex And The City star Jason Lewis.
Grade: B+ (red velvet cupcake)