Okay not really but! Everyone's favorite dictatorship is in the news today! (And: literally, nothing else is in the news today.) So the New York Philharmonic is playing Pyongyang. This is up there with the Altamont Speedway maybe. Will it be as wild? Are the liquor laws tough in North Korea? Is it really "just a country", like the Washington Post is telling us? Maybe we can sort all this out in tonight's Democratic debate. In the meantime, Fox News advances the theory that Barack Obama is part of some clandestine Skull & Bones for black geniuses, and Gennifer Flowers proves to be something of a fair weather friend to her new pal Hillary! All that and more (uh, not much more) from me and Glamocracy's Megan Carpentier after the jump.
MEGAN: Oooh, oooh, so the woman ABC is suggesting started the photo controversy (though she denies)? A Washington lobbyist previously identified as in charge of Hillary's unsuccessful Drudge outreach initiative.
MOE: I love that they called that an "initiative." You wonder how they burned through all that cash and it's hard to conclude it wasn't by setting up "initiatives" to achieve such complex tasks as leaking shit to Drudge.
MEGAN: Because, really, you know Tracy wasn't doing that for free. She's a lobbyist.
MOE: So have you been paying attention to these mailer scandals? And did you read Michelle Obama's thesis? Because those things seem to be the only things we haven't discussed that are not "hey did you see that story about Hillary losing?"
MEGAN: Can we call them "scandals"?
Basically, according to the Post, he's using a Newsweek characterization of her feelings (a "boon").
She's likewise taking his shit out of context
And neither one of them hates it as much as the unions.
Also, one time I lobbied a pro-union Congress member on a trade agreement and he told me and the other lobbyist I was with that he couldn't vote for the one we wanted because he'd just met with the unions and they told him they were mad that "NAFTA sent their jobs to China."
And I was like, um, sir, did you perchance correct that ever-so-slightly inaccurate impression that the North American Free Trade Agreement doesn't include China? And he laughed at me.
MOE: Hahahaha WOW. I don't even know what to say about that. Can you even isolate which trade agreement lost which jobs? Or like, what about fast track? OH, I know what we were supposed to discuss
Oh yes, I Refuse To Buy Into The Obama Hype
MEGAN: Ok, well, I applaud her research.
That's a lot of it.
Though she misses the fact that resolutions have no real force of law, but, good. And, um, well, I don't do that much bill research unless someone is paying me.
MOE: Um like I'm so glad re: "S.RES.222 : A resolution supporting the goals and ideals of Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month."
Oh are you watching CNN?
I didn't realize it had gotten so mean!
MEGAN: Oh, and everyone? The next time you get that Lifetime TV breast cancer bill forwarded email? Delete it. It's a PR campaign for Lifetime and the bill never passes. It just racks up co-sponsors and nver goes anywhere because no one really cares.
MOE: And Hillary's voice: sho shrill?
MEGAN: Oh, God, you didn't see that little sarcastic thing from the weekend? Yeah.
MOE: I fucking feel like death. "Grassroots mom" is cool though. It's like, aw: "Truth be told, it was very depressing doing this research to see all these great ideas and how little actually gets done."
OH we should also discuss North Korea. I love how CNN is dictating my agenda today.
MEGAN: Yeah, that's like the reason I thought Grassroots Mom is true. Like, I thought everyone already knew that that's how Congress works.
Wow, Alina Cho's aunt starved herself to avoid Korean rape squads? Is that the subtext of "kidnapping teenage girls, but only the healthy ones?"
We might want to explain for people that don't obsessively watch cable television that the New York Philharmonic performed in North Korea today. Also, by the way, we don't have a peace treaty with them. We're, like, still at war with them, technically. It's not good. And Kim Jong Il is a crazy fucker. The end.
MOE: Um, and according to this Style piece about the visit
"It's just a country." And, one might add: It's the music that matters most.
MEGAN: Just a country with nuclear capabilities and a mentally disturbed leader who claims and expects people to believe/confirm lies like he only gets holes-in-ones while golfing.
Also, he didn't apparently attend the concert.
MOE: I'm kinda uh surprised the Post ran this thing!
It's very counterintuitive!
North Korea = normal!
Somehow I don't really buy it though.
I know, I know, I've been brainwashed.
MEGAN: Yeah, I actually don't buy it either. I love that it starts off with "musical pundits don't know anything about politics" and then quotes a British singer and a Austrian professor about how normal everyone is.
MOE: Yeah it's really stomach churning. I think we must have discussed the story in the much-acclaimed Parade magazine in which the guide tells the writer Kim Jong-Il wants everyone to play basketball, to help close the 8-inch height gap between North Korean adolescents and their southern brothers.
MEGAN: Probably. It seems like one or the other of us might've mentioned that not starving said adolescents would be a better plan. Crazy fucking Kim Jong Il.
MOE: Um and by the way this Eugene Robinson piece marveling that Obama has made it okay for Fox News viewers to accept the idea that black people can be smart may be my favorite thing ever.
It starts with Geraldo posturing that Deval Patrick and Barack Obama got together at "black genius camp" and plotted to take over the world.
MEGAN: There's a new cabal! And it's members are waaay more attractive then the last one!
Also, Mr. Robinson is a Fox News commentator.
Not that that tidbit of info is in the piece.
OMG, he calls the Obamas the new Huxtables.
MOE: Hahaha he is? Mannnnnn. I don't know if I've ever seen him. Um also there's a story about how some Democrats are worried McCain might win. Meanwhile McCain is worried the war might make him lose! It really is a boring fucking day, right? I guess there is another awesome debate tonight we can talk about tomorrow.
MEGAN: It it boring. Chris Dodd's Obama endorsement is news.
MOE: Aw, Chris Dodd.
Oh my GODDDD I feel so crappy.
I think this is the crappiest crappy hour ever.
MEGAN: No one else is going to get why that's funny.
MOE: Why don't we talk about Angelina Jolie and how awesome that she's pregnant again.
MEGAN: Or why, perhaps, advice colums are better in print.
Because I don't want to see my aunt discussing a dude's big wang.
MOE: Do you think she could figure out how to adopt a starving child in North Korea and then bring global awareness to the tragedy of North Korean famine and the Obama Administration could meet with Kim Jong Il and play basketball and his sheer height and charisma would cause the Kim regime to fold in a bloodless coup and bring freedom to the poor starving short North Koreans...
MEGAN: Ok, it is officially a slow news day when CNN is airing a story about the Tokyo lost and found. They have 130,000 umbrellas turned in over the last 6 months.
MOE: You know it's a tactic of that "be a millionaire before 30" dude to never buy an umbrella because you should really just lie to bartenders and hostesses and tell them you lost your umbrella and get free ones that way. I guess that's the difference between them and us, huh!
MEGAN: I think the difference between "us" and "them" is that "they" wouldn't pay $25 for a book that tells them the key to financial success is stealing umbrellas.