The show is on! Maybe you're in an Oscar pool at work? Maybe you have all your money on No Country For Old Men? Maybe you didn't see a single nominated film but you just want to check out the speeches? Tracie and I discuss the biggest night in Hollywood (and Moe chimes in!), after the jump.

11:50
dodai: well it's over.
tracie: i still feel like puke
tracie: i'm gonna drink my orange soda then walk the dog then lie down
dodai: good night!
tracie: night!

11:47
tracie: i want to see that diving bell movie
dodai: yeah
dodai: i need to see so many
tracie: did you see no country for old men. i thought it was good but not great
dodai: i saw it
dodai: i was like really? this is how it ends?
dodai: but in terms of tension
dodai: and not knowing what the fuck was going to happen
dodai: like some movies are soooo predictable
dodai: it was NOT that
tracie: wow
dodai: no country wins
dodai: thank you and good night
tracie: is this the first time that has ever happened?
tracie: best director and best film getting both
dodai: i dunno
tracie: i think it might be
dodai: well. that was interesting
dodai: i'm so tired.

11:35
tracie: so daniel day lewis is taking this right?
dodai: hmm
dodai: yes i think so.
dodai: JOHNNY I LOVE YOU
tracie: haha
dodai: oh viggo was good though

11:32
tracie: look at how sexy helen mirren is
dodai: she is so fucking hot. i have never been that hot
dodai: ever
dodai: and she is like
dodai: 62
dodai: i need a whole different gene pool to be that hot

11:28
dodai: harrison ford's nose is mad crooked
dodai: i never noticed before
dodai: or is it just aging?
tracie: yeah! i think it's aging
tracie: also, is he drunk or is that the aging as well
dodai: he's bored too maybe
dodai: wow. diablo!
dodai: you know what? good for her.
dodai: seriously.
dodai: in such a male dominated year
dodai: she also reads — and COMMENTS — on jezebel
tracie: her vagina is about to come out of that slit
tracie: haha i meant the slit of her dress. not the slit of her vulva
tracie: omg
tracie: this is vulgar
dodai: HAHA
tracie: hahha
tracie: hhhaahaha
tracie: she just used the envelope to cover herself up
dodai: you can take the writer out of the strip club but you can't take the strip club out of the writer?
tracie: ha. mabes

11:19
tracie: do you think that michael moore is allowed to win an academy award anymore?
dodai: no
tracie: since he gave that speech before
dodai: yeah no
dodai: they're over him

11:16
tracie: god, what the hell is this one even for
dodai: i don't know. i want to close my eyes
dodai: nice necklace
dodai: on that scuba dress
dodai: lady
tracie: that lady was freaking out, and it's like, uh, no one saw your movie

11:13
tracie: the statue is WAY sparklier in hd. i had no idea
dodai: oh really?
dodai: wow!

11:10
tracie: the atonement score was actually really good. with the typing
dodai: omg i loved it
dodai: i love the sound of typewriters
dodai: whee! it won.

11:02
dodai: there are very very few differences between hil swank and kd lang in my mind
tracie: hahahaha
tracie: oh. here it is. the deads
dodai: what is fucked is when some dead people get more applause than others
tracie: I KNOW!
tracie: heath ledger will get tons of applause
tracie: it's not just people who have been nominated. it's like everyone right
tracie: last year they snubbed anna nicole
tracie: i wonder if brad renfro will make it
dodai: well brokeback was nominated so heath will def be there
tracie: poor brad renfro!
dodai: aww.

10:59
dodai: cammie diaz
dodai: go home
tracie: right?
tracie: every time i see her, all i think about is anna faris playing her in lost in translation
dodai: yeah totally. my ex boyfriend was always like, she seems like one of those girls you think is going to be awesome and then is a total nightmare to be around

10:50
tracie: here he comes
tracie: mr. lacefronts
dodai: travolta...
tracie: hahaha
tracie: enchanted did win anything?
dodai: i guess not
dodai: this show is really killing me softly with its dullness

10:47
tracie: wait
tracie: enchanted is nominated for THREE songs
dodai: i deduce it has been a slow year for movie songs
tracie: everyone looks stoned to me
dodai: the magic of HDTV?

10:40
dodai: why do they have celebs in hair dye commercials?
dodai: does ANYONE believe eva longoria dyes her own hair???
tracie: hahahaa. i actually never thought of that!
dodai: penny cruz is my girlcrush
dodai: one of them
tracie: you've seen volver right?
dodai: YES!
tracie: she was awesome in that
dodai: totally

10:36
dodai: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
tracie: do you think the woman in the gold dress handing out the oscars is wearing underwear?
dodai: maybe she is wearing this?
tracie: hahahahahaha
dodai: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
tracie: dude, i'm going to die before this guy. FROM BOREDOM

10:33
tracie: i REALLY like nicole kidmans necklace. it reminds me of that garland type stuff my mom puts on the chandelier at christmas time
dodai: i like it too
dodai: her hair bothers me
tracie: the color?
tracie: i don't lik ethe color
dodai: the color and the over the ear sweep thing
moe: face...move...
moe: ugh creepy

10:30
tracie: renee zelwegger's eyes become more and more closed each year
tracie: what's wrong with her
dodai: i dunno
dodai: her clavicles could poke someone's eye out
tracie: for real. her shoulder blades could slice something

moe: oh my GOD Renee You almost wish she'd get an eye job, just to balance out all the other work she's had done

10:24
tracie: ok. jack nicholson is such a stoner
tracie: look at his eyes

10:20
moe: God fucking Cate Blanchett is so beautiful. That pregnancy bullshit is for realz. It's a good thing pregnancy makes you feel so rotten or else hot pregnant women would be running the streets getting taken advantage of in their vulnerable state. Or something. BTW that was not a great acceptance speech. "Thank you life, thank you love".... Speak English lady!
dodai: oh i liked it!
dodai: it seemed unpretentious
dodai: and just excited and not too thought-out
dodai: spontaneous
dodai: this show is so BORING
moe: There is unpretentious and there is illiterate. Not that it matters because she looked so hot she might be pregnant herself.

10:10
dodai: ok so
dodai: i think julie christie might get this one
dodai: unless
dodai: it's marion cotillard
dodai: hmm
tracie: wow!
tracie: awesome awesome!
tracie: she seriously deserved that
tracie: she really was edith piaf in that movie
dodai: i need to see it
dodai: i haven't seen enough
dodai: her dress is great in my opinion
tracie: hahaha
tracie: thank you life thank you love
dodai: cute
tracie: so cute
dodai: i like when people are excited
tracie: me too

10:02
tracie: ha! did you see that stank face that jessica alba gave?
dodai: she is such a malcontent
tracie: seriously
tracie: jonah weiner's tux doesn't want to button over that belly
dodai: wait why weiner HAHAH??
tracie: oh
tracie: ahahahaha
tracie: i mean jonah hill
tracie: hahahahahahahaha
tracie: freudian slip
tracie: hahahahaha
tracie: i'm loling
tracie: oh wait, there really is a jonah weiner though, right/
tracie: i'm googling
dodai: i thought maybe that was his real name, a jewish name he changed just like jon stewart is actually jon leibowitz or whatever
tracie: ok, jonah weiner is a writer

9:54
tracie: god miley cyrus is so famous
dodai: very weird
dodai: i mean i worked @ teen magazine and i still don't get it
dodai: her appeal
dodai: i mean
tracie: who'd've thought billy ray cyrus would produce another hit?
dodai: HA
tracie: yeah, i totally don't get her appeal at all
dodai: wtf is kristen chenowith wearing???
tracie: i was just about ask if i'm an evil person for hoping she trips and falls
tracie: just so we have something to talk about
tracie: what the hell movie is this from
dodai: enchanted
tracie: god, it was nominated twice?
dodai: which i saw with my mom at 10 am on christmas
dodai: we enjoyed it
tracie: hahah

9:48
tracie: ok, i over did it with this cheeseburger
tracie: i might give the rest to the dog
tracie: she's staring so intently and quietly at me
tracie: jessica alba is supposed to be in her third trimester, but she's looking pretty small
dodai: yeah again why her and not angelina???
tracie: i love james mcevoy i didn't realize that he is married to the girl who was his girlfriend on that show shameless
dodai: oh really? his accent makes me insane. HOTHOTHOT
tracie: seriously
tracie: did you ever watch shameless?
tracie: it made have the biggest crush on him
tracie: he plays a two-bit gangster/doting boyfriend
dodai: no!
dodai: where can i see it?
tracie: the first season is on dvd. but there are torrents all over for it
tracie: they showd the first season on ifc before. that or sundance
tracie: i would love it if someone would streak
dodai: it would liven things up, i am BORED
tracie: seriously!
tracie: there isn't even anything campy enough to make fun of. like interpretive dance
dodai: or roberto benigni


9:36
tracie: ok, who do you think is gonna win this?
tracie: cate probs, right?
dodai: hmm cate??
dodai: yeah
dodai: haha ruby dee's face
tracie: what's gone baby gone?
dodai: ben affleck directed
dodai: casey is in it
dodai: i LOVE tilda
dodai: love her
dodai: orlando
dodai: LOVE THAT MOVIE
dodai: no, orlando
dodai: OMG
dodai: OMG
tracie: wow
dodai: wow
tracie: tilda
tracie: her dress is awesome i love how she doesn't wear makeup
dodai: she has a 29 year old boyfriend you know right?
tracie: was she there with her young lover?
dodai: oh i dunno
dodai: did you see him?
dodai: he was a centaur
dodai: that is HOT
tracie: she said she never even watched the oscars before
tracie: i love how much of a joker she is
dodai: all this masturbatory shit about how awesome the oscars are WHILE you are watching the oscars is irritating
tracie: omg, i know
tracie: let's congratulate the way we congratulate ourselves
dodai: that jc penny commercial made me feel patriotic
tracie: haha
tracie: with the dress donated by the german girl?

9:32
dodai: no one has english as a first language so far
tracie: this short film guy's date looks like amy winehouse
tracie: haha, right? it's so international


9:29
dodai: owen wilson
tracie: ooh look who's here
dodai: !!!!
dodai: hmm
tracie: he kind seems depressed still
dodai: srsly


9:26
dodai: wait what is this?
tracie: um
dodai: where did these black people come from?
tracie: is this supposed to be sung by a woman
tracie: hahah
tracie: they came from harlem. they flew them in. that's literal


9:18
tracie: haha, remember when cuba gooding jr. was in snow dogs
dodai: yes! and the gay cruise movie
dodai: j hud looks good
tracie: hahahha boat trip
tracie: boat trip doesn't even sound like a real movie
dodai: javier is totes winning
tracie: i fucking LOVE his voice
tracie: so much
tracie: hot hot hot
dodai: agreed
tracie: julia sugarbaker!
dodai: WOOO JAVIER
dodai: HOTTEST SPEECH EVER
tracie: god, he is so fucking hot
dodai: fast quick dirty spanish
tracie: hahahaha
tracie: i really liked how he said "head"

moe: LOVE the seventeen layers of eyemakeup on Jhud. Wouldn't want to be charged with keeping wine stains off that dress though. And backless! Risque! But in a refreshing way! Maybe because she's not ninety seven pounds!


9:08
dodai: i don't understand why THE ROCK is there and angelina & brad are not
tracie: they didn't show up at all?
dodai: ryan secrest said they weren't invited
tracie: they were at the independent spirit awards. maybe they couldn't get a sitter
tracie: they weren't invited?
tracie: was he joking?
dodai: a mighty heart wasn't nominated
dodai: johnny depp i love you
tracie: but don't people just go anyway?
dodai: FOREVER
tracie: if they're famous?
tracie: like j. lo goes every year
tracie: she was only nominated for selena that one time
tracie: i was just about to say that vanessa's mouth looks great in that red lipstick, until she parted her lips
dodai: "TEEM BURTON"
tracie: haha

9:03
tracie: this amy adams perfomrance is making me uncomfortable
dodai: i have a headache

moe: This commercial is awesome.
moe: Which is to say, I'm lovin it

anna: love this mickey d's commercial


8:55
tracie: omg, this is so boring
tracie: did you watch persepolis yet?
dodai: no
tracie: it's so good
dodai: maybe i will tomorrow
dodai: i DID however see rataouille
dodai: which i liked
dodai: haha
tracie: hahaha
tracie: i saw surf's up
tracie: on opening night
tracie: omg! it beat persepolis?
dodai: see???
tracie: ratatoulle or however it's spelled
dodai: see???
dodai: it WAS good
tracie: whoa. katherine heigel is really nervous. shakey voice


8:51
tracie: when will they ever learn about the montages
dodai: i know. snooze.
dodai: titanic theme???? for chrissakes


8:44
dodai: is that woman GOLD?
tracie: the lady sitting with cate blanchett has my haircut
tracie: i want barbara streisand's old oscar outfit
tracie: it's like pajamas with sequins
dodai: omg glitter+comfort is the best
tracie: hahaha. totally
dodai: that is why i have a sequined muumuu
tracie: hahahaha
tracie: i was just typing that!
tracie: the perfect combo would be sequined muumuu with no brawrawn
dodai: not in the summer though, cuz then the dreaded breastsweat


moe: How do you feel about the costume designer's costume? I'm not quite feelin it. Nice arms though.
dodai: she was GOLD right?
dodai: or just on my TV?
moe: Oh yes. VERY gold.


8:40
tracie: hahaha. omg
tracie: that girl from la vie en rose girl just said, "i don't know who is that"
tracie: about "gaydolf titler"
tracie: i think she's like very esl
dodai: haha


8:38
tracie: i'm bored
dodai: me too


8:36
dodai: i'm already tired of this crap
tracie: hahaha. me too
tracie: and i feel like i'm gonna puke from last night still
dodai: oh no
tracie: this has been the longest hang over ever
tracie: i'm ordering a cheeseburger
dodai: yum


8:33
dodai: jon stewart is SO CUTE


8:28
dodai: is jack nicholson drunk?
tracie: he's probably stoned
tracie: or on ambien


8:25
moe: ICK HILARY SWANK
moe: There is something so malevolent seeming in her tight tight face


8:20
tracie: did you like juno?
dodai: i did
dodai: i'm not into the backlash
dodai: i thought it was fun
tracie: i saw it after it got all the hype and i was like, whatevs
tracie: also, a lot of the dialogue bothered me, but not to the point that i didn't enjoy it
tracie: something is a little bit wrong with hilary swank
tracie: and i don't mean because she's a lezebel
dodai: HAHA

8:18
tracie: aahhhhh! cute!
dodai: the old lady??
tracie: yeah
dodai: i know!
tracie: i don't think she's wearing a bra
dodai: they should show more her
dodai: less seacrest
tracie: she doesn't have a brawrawn
dodai: HAHA
tracie: what's the dude's name from no country for old men? he's so hot
tracie: with normal hair i mean
dodai: javier bardem
tracie: hot
dodai: word.

moe: Just a thought: is it fair to Scorcese to remind everyone Cameron Diaz was in Gangs of New York?
dodai: these Qs are stoopid
moe: I have not seen a single nominated movie besides Atonement. I am a total failure.

8:13
dodai: jen garner's boobs look squished
dodai: garner uses RACHEL ZOE???
dodai: omg
tracie: i'm shocked
tracie: she's like 30 lbs too heavy for that
dodai: haha hopefully she won't start wasting away

8:09
dodai: regis is really really EXCITED

8:06
tracie: oh the show doesn't start till 8:30?
dodai: WTF
dodai: well we've started anyway

8:05
tracie: haha
tracie: i was really shocked at how beautiful the la vie en rose girl is when she's not being edith piaf

8:01
dodai: the show is starting!
dodai: regis is SHOUTING!
dodai: george clooney is being charming
dodai: the crowd is CHANTING for him

Send an email to Dodai, the author of this post, at dodai@jezebel.com.