So... "female genital mutilation." Sorta hard to type the words without getting weak in the lungs! (Especially with the memory of the wine I consumed following Fatima's wrenching revelation she'd had her clit removed and her labia sewn together as a child last night on Top Model still so fresh in my gut; oh god, room spinning...) But, uh, hey! There is hope for Fatima (pictured after the jump so you can root for her in case you didn't catch the premiere) and others like her! A nonprofit called Clitoraid is collecting donations to build a charity hospital that will offer victims of genital mutilation free reconstructive surgery at a hospital in Burkina Faso. (Yes, you can fix the clit: as it turns out circumcision only removes the superficial 2 centimeters, but a full 8-10 centimeters of clit is located inside the body; who knew; okay maybe you knew but I did not.) So who is behind this grand humanitarian gesture? Just a crazy UFO church that believes humans are the descendants of aliens!
Yup, it's the Raelians. Maybe you've heard of their support for human cloning and free love, or the fact that they think humans were the creation of extraterrestrials who also created religion — the very religions that gave us the wacky practice of circumcision. Did you know women and men were originally circumcised because the Pharaohs believed the clit was the center of female masculinity and the foreskin was the center of male femininity and removing them differentiated us from the gods and thus offered up some sort of sacrifice that would in turn provide them favors over the generations? (Funny how history did all those favors for the cultures most closely associated with circumcision!) But yeah, anyway, think too long about it and Raelism or whatever will start to make a certain kind of sense. And like, who wouldn't like to clone Jon Stewart for a husband? Except I might leave him uncircumcised. I hear sex is better that way.