Can you tell the difference between these two ladies? Can John McCain? See, one is John McCain's patriotic wife, and one is some telecom lobbyist who liked to show up at his events and tell her bosses that John McCain was doing her all sorts of favors. So did he go down on her? Can you do that with dentures? Did former campaign strategist John Weaver tell the media about how he had to chase Vicki Iseman away from McCain because he's still mad McCain didn't go along with his prescient plan to defect from the Republican Party back in 2000? Probably doubtful! But is this why that other McCain adviser says he's leaving the campaign if his guy ends up running against Mr. Nuclear Family Obama? Maybe so! More scurrilous gossip/hearsay/hypothetical conspiracy theorizing with me and Glamocracy Megan after the jump!
MEGAN: Is it grosser, do you think, to watch Gene Simmons bone a bimbo or to think about John McCain bumping uglies with a lobbyist?
Because, really, for me that is the question of the day.
MOE: My question is, is this what he was talking about when Obama said that thing about how John McCain was a good man who had kept company with the WRONG PEOPLE? Is this Huckabee's "miracle"? Is Vicki Iseman the MOTHER OF MCCAIN'S ILLEGITIMATE BLACK CHILD?
It was easier for me knowing that it was like eight years ago or something. I can't say why that was easier, it just was.
MEGAN: If Vicki Iseman is the mother of McCain's dirty little secret, I may have to call my shit closed for business for a couple of months until that image is banished from my mind.
Also, I love how his staffers told her to fuck off, and she considered to tell everyone what great ties she had to his office.
Typical bullshit consulting company lobbyist.
McCain's giving a news conference about it later this morning.
MOE: O yay! Didn't we look up Iseman's name before?
Or didn't we. I forget December.
MEGAN: Please let him say "I did not have sexual relations with this women."
I've been a really, really good girl this year. Sort of.
Well, I looked into it in December, but didn't realize it was a 10 year old story, so I didn't see her picture until then, but, whoo-boy did I see it several times in the Wonkette tips line after that.
Also, the pic the news is using of her in the formal dress makes her totally resemble Cindy McCain more than the profile on her company's website.
MOE: No, you know where she resembles Cindy MCain is this photo with Bush
MEGAN: You know you've trolled the minor corners of the internet too many times when you've seen that story more than once.
MOE: But yeah, her haircut in that pic is soooooo Cindy '00
MEGAN: Totally! Also, expert judgement is required... is she wearing a belly chain?
Press conference time! Cindy's by his side.
MOE: No! But wow, she looks pretty good. Um, soooo John Weaver went on the record with the Post saying HE was the one who told Vicki to "go away."
He also emailed the Times.
MEGAN: Yeah, I saw that. Also, McCain says he's proud of his service, and he didn't do any favors for any lobbyists. He's "disappointed" by the New York Times piece
He just characterized their relationship as "friends" for Washington.
MOE: Is he the source of this whole thing? Not for shoddy payment I guess!
MEGAN: Which means you know virtually nothing about one another outside of work and don't see each other outside of work functions like receptions and stuff.
MOE: He's all squinty.
Hahahaha he's smirking!
MEGAN: Those bad spots keep going on and off.
Cindy's suit is cute.
MOE: I know!
I HATE her outfits.
But this one is nice
MEGAN: Also, I'd like my eyebrows to look like hers. I have shitty eyebrows.
MOE: So John Weaver is indeed the same strategist who approached Tom Daschle about how his boss might leave his party.
MEGAN: Also, can you imagine telling your boss to stop boning someone?
MEGAN: I call shenanigans on that part of the story.
MOE: Here's another thing: is this why Mark McKinnon said he'd quit the McCain campaign if it meant running against Obama? Because if there's one sleazy tactic Team Clinton can't really employ effectively, it's the whole "HA HA HA HE'S SUCH A HORNY OLD GOAT HIS ADVISERS NEEDED TO SHOO OFF THAT TELECOM LOBBYIST" ...Which sucks and is a double standard since Hillary didn't cheat, but whatevs.
Well, that was over fast!
It's almost like he wanted to get out of there!
MEGAN: That spotlight stage right was annoying.
MOE: Here's another question: does it make it better that she looks soooooooo much like Cindy?
Like at that age, he might have just confused the two?
MEGAN: I have been wondering that all night, actually. The resemblance is a little freaky.
I dunno, I guess if my husband was going to cheat I would like to think it would be for something he wasn't getting at home (besides the sex, which he would most certainly be getting at home).
On the other hand, would that make me more insecure? Like, would he always be boning a younger version of me?
MOE: Well Vicky is not that much younger than Cindy. And McCain just said that he never talked to John Weaver about his relationship w. Vicky. (Is that true or do you make sure not to have that conversation if you suspect something is going on?)
MEGAN: I am just saying, I cannot imagine asking my boss, a Senator, if he is boning some chick and to stop it. Perhaps this is why I don't work on the Hill.
MOE: Because the whole story is so weird, it's just kinda hard to buy. She looks too much like Cindy, and she sounds annoying and clingy. Oh no is that woman hating of me?
MEGAN: But, for my part, when I "turned" up at an event at a Congressman's invite (when I was a lobbyist) not realizing said Member's predelictions, his staff didn't say a word to me, or to him... they just made sure I was seated as far away from him as possible and that he didn't have time to talk to me.
But, yes, I mean, everything the NYT is reporting is totally how shit works in DC. If you're trying to build a relationship with an office, you show up at every event you can, you make nice, etc. Maybe she had a crush, maybe they were boning, but on the surface the behavior, while slightly annoying, isn't outside the norm. Dudes who work for firms like that (mostly earmarks) also fixate on a Member because you only really need one.
But she's a woman, so obviously there was something else going on (and maybe there was), because, of course, she couldn't just be trying to do her job.
(I might be projecting here, but, still).
MOE: And the fact that the Wash Post had a story ready as soon as the NYT put its own story on the web is also weird. Like there MIGHT have been something going on, but...eh...1999?
MEGAN: Well, everyone was working on it as soon as it got linked to Drudge in December, and, as I said, I got a bunch of tips that it was her once I wrote my piece, so the rumors on the Hill, they wuz a-flying.
Is it funny that CNN is currently running a commercial for the NYT?
MOE: They run that fucking commercial every fucking second. Here's a question: do you think there was any encouragement at all from the Obama campaign to run this story? A few days ago Gail Collins wrote that Barack Obama INSISTS on referring to McCain as a "military hero, in tones that suggest the conflict in question was the Spanish Civil War." Things are icy between them. But are they truly that icy or does McCain just not talk to rookies? Further, isn't it nice to have something to talk about that ISN'T Michelle Obama's patriotism?
MEGAN: See, given that this story was around in December, I'm guessing it was initially a right-wing hit job
MOE: Oh yeah and that George Will column you sent me points out that "only" 12 of today's senators have been elected to no other office. Only? Jesus Christ. It's the fucking house of lords.
Oh it was DEFINITELY initially a right wing hit job.
MEGAN: I was laughing at that, like, it sort of possibly puts Hillary in good company.
MOE: I bet the Romney campaign flung it around. I bet that's one of the reasons (aside from sheer spite of course!) McCain so hated Romney.
MEGAN: God knows Giuliani didn't, what with pot, kettle, dark colors, etc
but i don't see as how either Obama or Clinton would've been able to get the NYT enough corroborating evidence in the meantime to allow them to feel safe publishing it
MOE: Nah I don't see the Obama campaign as having any corroborating evidence, and why would Clinton even bother.
But what I think is that here we go. It's Obama-McCain and from here on out it's going to be an Obama-McCain news cycle.
MEGAN: Next up: Barry's crack-smoking go-to guy for blow jobs.
MOE: Yay! I'm still fixated on this John Weaver thing though. Clearly firing him back in September looks like it was a good move for the McCain campaign. But shit, how has the campaign really moved since then? I thought McCain's rise was mainly a factor of "Well that Giuliani thing didn't work, and that Law & Order guy was better on TV...and this Romney guy is a dweeb..." and then "oh wait look the news in Iraq is actually not getting worse!"
MEGAN: Well, and McCain's got Joe-mentum!
I mean, I think Weaver was ousted as part of the whole "we don't have any money for anyone anymore" thing
But, in retrospect, probably a good decision.
MOE: Or not!?
MEGAN: I don't know, he might've just been another anonymous source anyway.
Or, he might've been not great at his job.
MOE: Yeah blargh. You know what? The endless cummer scandals totally ruined the fun of heterosex scandals.
Did you catch Jon Stewart on Larry King?
MEGAN: No, sadly! It was, um, the reunion episode of Project Runway.
They ran outtakes of Michael Kors losing his shit during the WWE challenge
Totally worth it.
MOE: Oh my god he was wonderful.
But so was JS.
MEGAN: I know! I totally meant to watch it, too, and then just spaced.