consumer kiddie porn, harper's bazaar, mag hag, top, gawker, maghag

Harper's Bazaar's Nefarious Scheme To Talk To Your Kids

For months we've been asking ourselves, why are the fashion spreads in Harper's Bazaar actually fun? First they get the Simpsons people to do an entire like 13-page spread featuring Versace gowns modeled on cartoons, then they got those little children to dress up like Donatella Versace and Olivier Theyskens...and now this month, well, we just have to show you. Where's the con? How does any of this awesome, quirky irreverent shit appeal to the people who actually buy stuff? But we think we figured it out with the March issue, which boasts photo shoots featuring Lindsay Lohan and Frances Bean Cobain and sundry supermodels dressed up as Evita, Wonder Woman, Beauty & The Beast...and much much more.. It's a desperate appeal to hook your kids! Those Harper's demos aren't getting any younger.

Grease: I know little kids love this movie because my sister wouldn't stop singing "Tell Me More" when she was going through a "naughty" thing. That was the same year she kept peeing in a shoebox in her room. She was four. They all think they're gonna be sluts when they're four.

And that's when the "nun" phase starts! It's like the first sign of self-hate.

And what little girl doesn't at some stage want to be a populist dictator?

Okay, Wonder Woman, duh, evergreen. Who isn't still kind of obsessed with Linda Carter?

The second sign of self-hate: that movie that prepares all young girls to settle for the first jerk with back hair willing to marry them.

5:20 PM on Fri Feb 15 2008
By Moe
6,291 views
33 comments

Comments

Le Kangourou de Kataroo at 05:39 PM on 02/15/08
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 658

Aw, I really liked these spreads. I'd rather look at them than some of the crazy ass shit vogue comes up with.
HelloNos at 05:40 PM on 02/15/08
Reply by Email
*

Methinks they're trying to appeal to the Internet.
Pinkosaurus at 05:45 PM on 02/15/08
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 218

See, that shit just convinces me that no, I can't pull off that adorable Evita-like suit without actually looking like a pathetic Evita wannabe. I like photo spreads that aren't so literal.
haguenite at 05:50 PM on 02/15/08
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 145

I'm trying to see who that last picture's supposed to be, and all I can think of is Buttercup from The Princess Bride. But that doesn't fit...
Perhaps I'm not worthy of studying American Studies?
Lazy Line Painter Jane at 05:55 PM on 02/15/08
Reply by Email
*

Lindsay looks so cute. I've always wanted a wonder woman cape to replace the one I had when i was little!
nardo218 at 05:55 PM on 02/15/08
Reply by Email
*

What's the last one, Gone With the Wind?
sybann at 05:55 PM on 02/15/08
Reply by Email
*

Where did they get a LiLo wicked wasp dress knockoff already?
heykoukla at 05:56 PM on 02/15/08
Reply by Email
*

@haguenite: @nardo218: Beauty and the Beast.
LaComtesse at 05:57 PM on 02/15/08
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 321

@haguenite: Is it Belle from Beauty and the Beast?
Le Kangourou de Kataroo at 05:57 PM on 02/15/08
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 658

@haguenite @nardo218: Belle. I didn't think it was very "Beauty and the Beastish" at all
nardo218 at 05:59 PM on 02/15/08
Reply by Email
*

Thanks. "Back hair" makes more sense now. Heh, funny.

I so don't see Belle there. She had the bangs, ykno? Didn't we all want the bangs? And yeah, she wore a yellow dress, but it was a wedding dressy ballgown.
scarysheri at 06:01 PM on 02/15/08
Reply by Email
*

if shes belle why is she in the woods, wouldnt a library or something help, weird but pretty
Scoregasm at 06:01 PM on 02/15/08
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 147

@kataroo_kangaroo: Yeah, the color of the dress is right, but that's about it. I wouldn't have had a clue if it weren't for the text.
jenndavo at 06:02 PM on 02/15/08
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 538

Bad outfits aside, Frances Bean is stunning. I see nothing of Courtney in her, thank the gods.
haguenite at 06:04 PM on 02/15/08
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 145

Ooooh, I read the 'back hair' as 'black hair'! I still don't think I would've seen it even then though. Right colour, most definitely wrong dress. And wrong hair colour, if I remember correctly.
Le Kangourou de Kataroo at 06:04 PM on 02/15/08
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 658

@Scoregasm: at least have her with a candlestick and a clock! and a tea set- can't forget Mrs. Potts!

(guess which Disney movie is my ALL TIME FAVORITE)
olivia2.0 at 06:09 PM on 02/15/08
Reply by Email
*

@haguenite: ha! Me too - and I kept trying to make that last pic into Scarlett O'Hara. (It wasn't working.) I hate that Frances Bean is out in public. I feel like she needs to be protected and kept in a bubble. That is all.
foree k. at 06:17 PM on 02/15/08
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 443

whoa frances!!!!
haguenite at 06:21 PM on 02/15/08
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 145

@olivia2.0: Ah, I tried the Scarlett O'Hara thing too! No way I could make that work. I stick with Buttercup. She will always be Buttercup for me, and I just might lovingly boo her like the old crone does.
mystery_bouffe at 06:32 PM on 02/15/08
Reply by Email
*

J'accuse Harper's Bazaar of photoshopping Marge's chest down a size. Also, I'd dress like Evita if Antonio Banderas was guaranteed to sweep me up in a passionate song and dance number.
LaComtesse at 07:53 PM on 02/15/08
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 321

@mystery_bouffe: Fuck, I would learn and perform the role of Evita and sing that bitches praises unto the ends of the earth if it meant I could lick just one of that man's rippling abdominal muscles...
missdelite at 08:50 PM on 02/15/08
Reply by Email
*

Not as creepy as back cover ad I saw with 8yr-old clutching Chanel bag.
Pubeinmysoup at 09:34 PM on 02/15/08
Reply by Email
*

@missdelite: or Dakota Fanning in mini Marc Jacobs couture. Shudder.
ArtBitch at 12:34 AM on 02/16/08
Reply by Email
*

@kataroo_kangaroo: ooh, me too! Your taste is excellent, dahling.
Limosineliberal at 01:36 AM on 02/16/08
Reply by Email
*

@olivia2.0: Frances has Kurt's eyes but that's it. Check out any picture of her on a regular day without having been styled for HB and she looks almost exactly like Courtney did at that age (minus the track marks.)
NefariousNewt at 08:25 AM on 02/16/08
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 695

Did someone say "nefarious"?

Sorry I'm late... was a long day...
NefariousNewt at 08:29 AM on 02/16/08
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 695

@jenndavo: But you know, when Courtney is sober, clean, and behaving herself, she can be rather stunning. Still, yay that Frances has come into her own.
dandles at 08:39 AM on 02/16/08
Reply by Email
*

Frances Bean is lucky she's a celebuspawn, or that round face wouldn't get her into Harper's Bazaar.

But she's an attractive girl. It's nice to see someone with a different look than all the usual vapid, anorexic models.
Trashtastic at 08:46 AM on 02/16/08
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 548

@NefariousNewt: Hi! Where were you yesterday?
mepo at 01:33 PM on 02/16/08
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 109

Francis is all face. That is all.
brokestephenswoman at 12:07 PM on 02/17/08
Reply by Email
*

When my h.s. did "beauty and hte Beast' my sophomore, we a: sold out almost every night, and b. were bombarded after she show by little girls dressed up in their Belle gowns.
ShoplifterOfTheWorld at 12:06 AM on 02/18/08
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 0

Oooh baby baby it's a white world.
Mabimab at 12:29 AM on 02/18/08
Reply by Email
*

FB's face is freaky - and they could have done a better job lighting her nose. I think she's interesting to look at, but I don't think I'd be tempted to buy anything just cause she's wearing it.

And... why did I feel compelled to even comment on this???