Dude, you can't text message breakup.

If someone feels the need to search through my shit, then we don't know each other well enough to get married.

I don't know. I think if you find out your guy has playboy pictures as the wallpaper on his Iphone, you may dump him by any means that is most expeditious.

I think it's shit to not break up in person in most circumstances (obviously there are some exceptions). No phone, no text messages, no email. Suck it up and act like a goddamn grownup.

i think your relationship is in trouble if you feel the need to snoop in the first place. PERIOD.

For a bona fide serious relationship, only in person. But if it's one of those kinda-not-really-seeing-each-other-sometimes things, then email is fine, I think (read: I'm guilty of this).

You should never snoop in someone's e-mail simply because you probably don't want them snooping in yours.

A friend's mother just hacked into her account and now they're not speaking because of what she read. But she totally deserves it for sticking her nose where it doesn't belong!

Spy on someone rather than confront them? Guess what you gonna find, doormats!

Either way, you lose.

My boyfriend has my password; I can figure his out. There's nothing in my e-mail account for him to be worried about. He doesn't know the right words to search for ^^

But I do have two e-mail accounts (no, I don't know why I have two) for misc. e-mails like facebook/myspace shit and j.crew free shipping e-mails. He only nominally knows about their existence. Don't know if that counts as "secret" but...

@Scoregasm: WORD.

This title was misleading. I thought you were going to crap on dudes for sacking their gf's via email - instead you unloaded on us for snooping. I feel like a kid who was tricked into eating a fiber cookie and now I'm left dealing with the mess.

Secretly invading someone's privacy by snooping is also invading their trust, even if you suspect they might be doing just that to you. Two peas in a pod, I say.

Also, I don't have a problem with breaking up over e-mail if the relationship is not that deep.

im guilty as charged (Im a snooper)..they dont call me nosey josie for anything! besides it proved to my exhusband how much of a lying douch he was when I hacked all his shizz..(he was dumb and kept EVERYTHING the same password!)I think if u have ur suspshuns go 4 it...but who the fuck am i?!?!

I'll own up to reading someone else's email, but not my significant other. It was someone who was already an ex-boyfriend and he had given me the password - he asked me to check something for him while he didn't have access to his email. I couldn't resist the temptation to read a couple other messages.

*ducks*

My douche ex read my e-mail (still don't know how he got my password) and ended up screaming, "Who's Keith? WHO'S KEITH?" Keith was my new boss. I was less angry than baffled, because I don't have anything interesting in my e-mail account, so he must have been triple-time jealous reading into every emoticon and sentence.

@Scoregasm: I broke up over the phone with my last boyfriend. I called him after he had told me after a year of being together that he 1) never wanted to have children, and 2) could never be with someone long-term who wasn't as Christian as he was. He wanted to take me out to dinner to finish the deed. I wouldn't let him - I wanted to stay in the comfort of my own home, in my sweats, bawling into my own pillows, thanks very much. If he'd wanted, I suppose I would have let him come over to break up with me, but he didn't bring it up and since I didn't have anything particularly nice to say to him, I preferred that he stay away.

My parents have the same email address. Of course, they also have the same phone line; get this: the phone is stuck in their house, attached to a wall! They can't take it outside, to talk in their cars or in line at a store! Crazy, crazy old folks.

The 25% of couples with a joint email account are probably all over 50 and didn't grow up with email or even incorporate it hardcore into their professional lives. My grandfather (69) is a lawyer and still doesn't know how to use email. If I want to send him a quick message, I have to send it to my grandma's email account.

An email break-up... yeah. No. Phone break ups are crappy enough, but, in the case of, say, a long distance relationship, at least MORE acceptable (seriously, if you want to break up with someone you are dating who lives in No. Africa or something, you REALLY gonna fly out there for that?)

And no, it's not acceptable to snoop on an SOs email.

I don't want to read my boyfriend's email just because I don't want to know how much money he really spends on newegg...and duh, because I'm not an untrusting nosy nancy.

@Josie-Boe-Bosie: That sucks, man. But, well, didn't he already know he was a lying douche? I would think he would at least know the first part, if in hardcore denial about the second part.

Having roomed with a cheater/snooper combo all I can say is snoopers usually makes the cheater feel justified.

@BAngieB: Just read in that Rolling Stone article that Britbrit asked for le devorce from Kfed by text. Was this already common knowledge? I had to read that sentence a few times to make sure I'd gotten it right.

@LaComtesse: My brother and his wife are both under 30 and basically have joint email. They do actually have separate accounts, but they each check each other's email. Everyone else in our family thinks it's totally weird.

Sorry, Jessica, I disagree. Some guys are fantastic liars. I dated a dude who swore up and down that he was faithful, no matter what my suspicions. It was only when he left his email open that I was able to get into the (several) fake accounts and realize that he was dating THREE other women. It's amazing he had time to work, honestly.

The notion of joint email account give me the serious heebee jeebies. Hell, a joint bank account that we recently got gives me the willies, frankly, but it's for special occasions (a mortgage).

@BinderClip: sorry, I meant downpayment. Yeah, I'm not the financial one in our relationship...

I feel no shame in it, especially since I had asked him to check my email for me when I was lost (on my way to an interview) and needed to make sure I had the directions right - and he went through all my emails from years back and read them. So... no. No, I'm totally glad I snooped.

@LaComtesse: Yes-- couples I know with joint (friend's parents) never had their own to begin with. None of my married friends have a joint email account. But the (younger) kind of people who would, I probably wouldn't be friends with anyway.

@lawlessly: Yeah, KFed was in the middle of an interview with MTV(?) when he got the text. It was all captured on camera.

Breaking up via email or telephone is just shitty. But I know people who have gone all ape shit when someone breaks it off too, so I can see somebody having the fear to do it in person. I think breaking up is shitty in general even under the best circumstances.

I have six different email addresses. It's not to hide anything. It is to keep myself organized, keep my shit in it's proper place. Good luck if someone can figure it all out and snoop. And if they can do that, can they please tidy it all up a bit for me. For that matter, my purse needs to be cleaned out too.

@BinderClip: I agree about joint email accounts. Not every last thought needs to be community property.

I love your username. Binderclips are my favorite office supply. Love them. I wish my work would not be so cheap, and get some in pretty colors.

I'm thinking of breaking up with my psychiatrist via email ... not OK? I just don't want to deal.

This guy that I was semi-dating, you know that stage before you're officially dating and when you're just flirting, gave me a password to his iTunes account so I could listen to something that he had sent me. He made the mistake of saying 'well now you know the password to everything' so I found out his email address, and read through his emails. I went away on vacation a week later and during that time, he hooked up with two other girls, both who I knew, one who was a friend and he decided to email all his friends about it. I can't say I regretted snooping.

@lawlessly: Now, I am not an authority on the B, but I seem to remember a video of him reading the text message.

Unless you are talking murder or child abuse, no. However, I've done it, and the main reason you shouldn't do it, is, as your Mom always told you, you are never going to find out something good if you go snooping around.

@major disaster: ... yeah. that's just totally weird. are they among those couples that poop in front of each other?

@lolainblackglasses: Yeah, if my husband ever suggested a joint email account, I think I would laugh him out of our apartment.

@petuniacat: Ha! When I was signing up for an account, I kept coming up with cool usernames but they were all either taken or got rejected, so I just typed in BinderClip out of total frustration (b/c it's the first thing I saw on my desk) b/c I thought the signup was broken, and of course the name went through. But I'm glad you like it! I would give you my binderclips if I could. But they're just plain black.
p.s. I like you username + pic too. I love the kittehs.

@LaComtesse: Not only do I not want a shared e-mail account, I don't want a shared computer.

Heck, even my GRANDPARENTS have separate e-mail* addresses, and they're...well, they're really old.

*I should note, however, that they're really tech-savvy and had a computer, the internet and a cell phone before anyone else in our family. But they're also cheap and refuse to upgrade from dialup.

@LaComtesse: Just so you know, every time you mention your apt., I am soooo jealous. :)

@ccchild: Heee - at least they HAVE email. If it weren't for my sister and I this would be my Mom.

No. It's not my morals so much as the the fear that I might find something. But, I wouldn't find something so.....yeah...no.

Depends what they mean by relationship, I guess. Obviously if you're in something long term, you should do it in person. But if I've only been on 5 dates with a guy, I really don't want to get all dressed up and take a cab downtown to find out he isn't feeling it. I don't care much about him at that point, and I doubt he has anything very meaningful to say anyway.

And yeah, as you can tell by the post, I've broken off a couple of short term relationships over the phone or by email.

@notaclevername: Word! I am a firm Mac user, my boyfriend has a PC clunker. Mine is sooooo much prettier.

@lawlessly: And I believe that he was in Vegas screwing around on her at the time. So maybe she could get a pass on that one - but then again she seems to think her Mom screwed him so maybe she's just nuts. Hmmm. Nuts it is.

@BinderClip: Aw thanks, that's my little one when she was actually little and not a big kitty all full of her bad self.

I have one gold binder clip. I refuse to use it on anything that might fall into someone else's hands. All the rest are black.

Joint email acounts? What? Why? Huh?

This seems like the dumbest idea ever. I mean, it would be pretty damn confusing to get an email and not know if it was from the guy or the girl. And if they want to share things, they could just forward them to the other person's separate account.

@lawlessly: I just read that today!

Is it bad that I want say it's OK to break up via email just to keep "Crap Email from a Dude" alive? But in all seriousness, I think email is a shitty way to dump someone. It's a way for you to have an essentially one-sided break up conversation, which I find cowardly. Plus, email does not always convey nuances and subtleties that are easily understood in face-to-face conversation.

@LaComtesse: Heh, I don't know, but it wouldn't surprise me if they did. Of course I love them dearly, but they are a little schmoopie sometimes.

I don't know, no matter how much I might love a guy, I need boundaries.

I do not believe in snooping through someone's email, let alone personal belongings. I would not want someone doing that to me, so I don't do it to anyone else either. Yet, in a stable relationship I would not care if they checked my email and such, but not with the intention to spy or squeeze some information out that they think is in my personal accounts. If you have a problem, have the balls to talk directly about it. If not, those people probably should not be in that relationship to begin with.

@Scoregasm: Yessssssssssssssss and do it respectfully. Any other way and you're just a douche.

My boy and I were always using each other's computers and passwords, so we got used to haphazard looks at the email. I never had anything for him to hide; I wouldn't have cared at all if he'd felt the need to pry. Which is probably why, when I saw something suspicious during one of those haphazard glimpses, I didn't feel too much compunction about checking it out. And I was right. He was flirting it up with some other girl. Which I'd suspected, but when I put on my "big girl pants" and asked him he denied it so convincingly that I utterly bought it.

The sad thing is that, of course, that girl didn't cause nearly as much harm to the relationship as the two-way lack of trust the lie and subsequent snooping caused. I hope I'll never fall into that mistake again.

@eseleth: A lot of older couples I know have them, and I just know by the signature (and content, usually) who it's from. And I just make sure to either write their name in the greeting, or reply to an existing string between me and whomever.
But I don't know that I'd ever want to have a joint email. Not because I have things to hide, but because I kinda like privacy. The emails between me and the girlfriends aren't big scary secrets, but I don't know that future hubs needs to know every intimate detail of our friendships (or their sex lives). Like not pooping in front of each other, some things are better left alone.

@Scoregasm: Question, though - what does breaking up really mean? Obviously if there's a serious relationship, anything but in person is shitty. But I once told a guy over the phone that I didn't want to go out anymore, after having gone out with him twice, and he laid a huge guilt trip on me over it, saying that he deserved to be told in person. I was all WTF? We went on TWO DATES! We didn't even kiss! There was no relationship!

Was I out of line? The more he went on (he actually called me back a second time to plead some more - it was kind of pathetic), the more I knew I dodged a bullet, but still, I don't like to think of myself as a bad person.