Jezebel
"Vegetarians, and their Hezbollah-like splinter faction, the vegans... are the enemy of everything good and decent in the human spirit." Ha! That's Anthony Bourdain in the best-selling memoir Kitchen Confidential, and the writer/celebrity chef's famous phrase made an appearance in today's New York Times, which, on the eve of Valentine's Day, delves into the issue of dietary restrictions as potential dealbreakers among couples. A vegan quoted in the article, Lisa Romano, says that she recently dumped a boyfriend because he liked grilling his burgers alongside her soy patties, something she found "unenlightened and disturbing." Explains Romano: "I need someone who is ethically on the same page." That makes sense: If not killing animals for food is so high on someone's ethical scale that she refrains from eating meat, I imagine that her moral compass is set pretty differently from that of a rampant carnivore.
Maybe it's just me — and I'm already anticipating the hate comments I will get about this — but something about a man refusing to eat meat seems sort of...sissy-like. I realize it's probably cultural brainwashing, but when I hear the phrase "male vegetarian", I picture a dude with matted dreads and a patchouli stink who cries when a tree is felled. In short: I picture a hippie, and I cannot hold with hippies. Take the male vegetarian and Florida real estate agent quoted in the Times, Ben Abdalla, 42, who says he prefers to date fellow vegetarians because meat eaters smell bad and have low energy." Anyone using the word "energy"? Definitely a hippie.
To be fair, these are not entirely fair assumptions about men who shun meat. But they are real. An (admittedly old) study commissioned by the Vegetarian Times conducted way back in 1992 found that "of the 12.4 million people who call themselves vegetarian, 68 percent are female while only 32 percent are male." (We're looking for more recent statistics.) And the women at Feministing, in fact, have an fascinating post about a set of new Maxim-like PETA ads which assert that (in their words) "it's okay to buck the stereotype of Real Men Eat Red Meat, because here are some naked ladies to reassure you that you're still a superhetero manly man!" (Plus, there's an entire book called The Sexual Politics of Meat by Carol Adams, which apparently intertwines feminism and vegetarianism. Go figure!)
I also polled the other Jezebels, and honestly, most are a little prejudiced against the idea of a male vegetarian. Moe admits that she's "prejudiced against sissies but would date a vegetarian... only if he wasn't a sissy about it though. Like, no freaking out about chicken boullion or whatever." Tracie says she converted a vegan to a full blown flesh-eater: "My ex was a vegan for 10 years when we met and I used to use eggs and chicken stock in recipes after a while and not tell him. Then I got him to eat fish and now he eats steak like every day. I changed him for the better." And Jennifer? She says, she's only gone out with one vegetarian in her lifetime. "I met him at yoga class," she says. "He was a sissy. Hence the reason we only went on three dates. That and he was a really bad kisser."
Then you have someone like my brother, who only ate meat and potatoes growing up, and is now married to a vegetarian. She won't cook meat herself, but she is never judgmental about it when my brother orders a burger, proving that love can conquer carnivorous instincts. Question is, how much of a dealbreaker is a person's issues with food? And how often do people put aside major dietary differences for true romance?
I Love You, But You Love Meat [New York Times]
Related: The Sexual Politics Of No Meat [Feministing]
The Gender Gap: If You're A Vegetarian, Odds Are You're A Woman. Why? [Find Articles]
Comments
I've been a vegetarian and not and dated both. I have to say the vegan one drove.me.nuts.
I don't eat beef though and would like to cease eating all flesh (except seafood b/c I'm from New Orleans.)
A lot of my male friends are vegan/vegetarian. I guess maybe because they're so many, I don't see it as a sissy thing... or maybe it's because they're all sort of art-rock faggy to begin with, so what's one more thing.
As for me, I think my feelings on meat would best be described by this quote from the made for TV cartoon, The Simpsons:
"Butter up that bacon!
Bacon up that Sausage!"
I have tried, half-heartedly, to go lacto-ovo a few times. It was mostly for my health and my finances, nothing really ethical. Then I'd see GentlemanTscheese chowing down on a burger, and I'd be like..."f that noise" and proceed to masticate some cow.
I think it's really hard to navigate food choices when your significant other's diet is significantly different, but I have loads of respect for folks who do make it work.
Wait, that's hilarious. I've actually suggested my husband and I cook his hamburgers and my soy burgers together so we can feel like we're having dinner together. Oh well.
I have no issues with vegetarians per se, just the judgy-preachy kind (of which an inordinate amount are actually vegan). Last time I was out to dinner with a militant veg I ordered the steak tartar out of spite.
It was delicious.
also vegans taste weird.
Oh, what the fuck ever. I've been a vegetarian, although I am currently not, and have dated a LOT of vegetarians, mostly after I started eating chicken again. THEY'RE JUST MEN. Albeit, men who tend to be sensitive. Never hippies, though. And none of them has ever said boo to me about eating meat.
Coincidentally, this was on Feministing today: [feministing.com]
Guys who eschew meat & meat products are not necessarily any more sensitive than those who don't.
Blech.
I read this article this morning and found it interesting.
A dude who is a vegetarian wouldn't bother me as much as a dude who is just plain picky. Picky eaters get on my last fucking nerve.
@katastic: Actually, recently, I've been wondering why I tend to attract so many vegetarians. What, do I taste like Fakin' Bacon or something?
Vegans are insane. Honestly, I think their obsession with what they eat is just an excuse to have a raging eating disorder. I mean, they're obsessed with being "healthy," but obsessed nonetheless. Plus, as evidenced by that vegan who broke up with a griller, they are so sanctimonious and uncompromising, they drive me up the wall.
But that's just in my experience. I'm sure not all vegans are that way.
On the absolute worst date I ever had in my life, the guy took me to a vegetarian restaurant although I had consistently SAID I am a meat-eater and would like to go to a restaurant that we would both enjoy. I wouldn't take HIM to an Argentinian Steak House and I was not impressed that the dragged me out to a veggie place on the first goddamn date. He also proceeded to talk on his phone the entire time, leaving me alone at my table with my faux chicken (which was DISGUSTING), and then forced me to hand out flyers for his band the rest of the night. He was a horrible, mean PIG.
And I slept with him. ARGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
@Cavorter: Have you heard about that book "Skinny Bitch?"
I became a vegetarian after I started dating my boyfriend, and three years down the road it still hasn't been a problem. If I cook supper, it's going to be vegetarian, and if he wants chicken or something on the side he just makes it himself. It would only be a problem if he was one of those guys who thinks that not having 5 servings of meat in every meal is a cardinal sin, but happily he's not like that.
I think it'd be easier if you started out a non-meat person rather than switched midstream in the relationship. Like I always think of those Dear Abby columns where girl writes in and says her boyfriend won't have sex with her anymore because he's become a born again christian. Your sexuality is not everything about you, but it's pretty fundamental. Same with food. If you start out dating a vegan I'd imagine it's easier to come to a compromise than if she/he changes midstream.
well I was vegetarian for 9 years, and eating only fish when I met my husband. he brought me back to being a carnivore. And it was really, because I'd watch him prepare chicken and think it looked really good. Then I started having dreams about eating meat and I knew I couldn't be a vegetarian anymore. The final straw: my first xmas w/his parents and I smelt that roast pork cookin' all day and could not say no.But when I was veggie it was never an issue that he ate/prepared meat in our kitchen. And he was always makin me yummy vegetarian food too.
To vegans meat-eaters taste (and smell) weird. I love animals. Grilled, roasted, deep fried... sigh. I wish I were a stronger person.
And I have a raging crush on Tony Bourdain.
I kind of have to agree with you here. All the vegetarian guys I know are very thin and fairly frail. That's not society's idea of a manly man. It certainly doesn't take away from their awesome personalities, but it's not the type of guy I go for.
I hate the all men must eat red meat stereotype, and any guy who bucks it is more likely to get a second look from me, since obviously his masculinity isn't bound up in retarded shit that has NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING MALE.
I am vegetarian. I will cook meat for my family and friends, as long as it is not in the same pot at the same time as my stuff.
I would fuck a non-vegetarian.
I would fuck a vegetarian.
I dislike people who make a big fuss about their eating habits.
And I really dislike people who judge other peoples eating habits.
I had a vegetarian friend that wouldn't drink from the same straw as me if I was eating meat because of "meat juices".
I hooked up with a vegan that I met at a concert once. He tasted...different...
i cook meat for my boyfriend whenever i am not too lazy. it makes more dishes and is more work.
What the fuck, jezzies? I am seriously astounded by your sexism. Honestly.
I've been ovo-lacto vegetarian for 24 years. I've mostly been with carnivorous partners. (It was never a deal-breaker for me; I'm not a judgemental veggie. But I don't cook meat for others very often. As in, almost never.)
I know some male vegetarians though, and they aren't 'sissies'. I know what you mean - there is a "sissy" stereotype. However, I have to point out that if guys stereotyped women they way you just labeled them, we'd be rightfully pissed.
More than the sissy-factor, the label issue is a turn-off to me. You don't like to eat meat? Fine. But why should that be a major part of your identity? I don't want to hear about it at every meal, nor should you act like you're a selfless saint and meat-eaters can't understand what it is to love animals.
I've been vegetarian and vegan and I'm back to meat-eating. I could never date another vegetarian because I just love food too much. That's it.
it is more socially acceptable for women to be vegetarians (or perceived as being particular about their food) than men because a woman who's picky about her food would on average be perceived as being concerned about her health and, natch, her appearance, i.e. her weight. i'm not saying that it's true, b/c i've known lots of chubby vegetarians in my life of both genders, but i think that people as a whole feel that way.
that said, as a carnivore i don't mind vegetarian food. i like having the option of having a cheeseburger - not every day, but when i feel like it. i don't think i could date less marry a vegetarian, though. personal preference.
I think that if it is a diet/health choice to not eat meat/dairy, then one can get along with someone who doesn't subscribe to the same. But if you make those choices based on your ethical/moral beliefs, then I would think you wouldn't want to date someone of the opposite persuasion.
I was vegan for a short while because I lived with my vegan boyfriend (cut to Samuel Jackson in Pulp Ficiton), and he was very preachy. But he wore fake leather and ate fake meat, which I thought was still promoting the lifestyle choices he allegedly abhorred.
Does the fact that I wouldn't have read this post if the name "Anthony Bourdain" hadn't caught my eye make me shallow?
I think an understanding can be met if there is mutual respect for each other's eating habits. I, for one, would not cook meat next to someone's soy patties because, clearly, there would be meat grease cross contamination. I would also be greatly offended if someone told me I stink because I eat meat. It's a respect thing. Meat-eaters and non-meat-eaters can live in peace and harmony.
I'm vegetarian - have been for 6 years. Fiancee of 7 years is not. We don't eat meat at home, but he eats it elsewhere. I used to cook it at home for him, but not for a few years - just became too weird. I really, really, really don't care what he eats as long as he's healthy. And he loves my cooking, sans meat, so it's fine. The only meat we have in the house is turkey deli-slices for the kitties.
I lived with Vegan roomates, a couple, and they were constantly taking "tinctures" and tons of supplements because they suffered from mystery ailments and extremely low energy. They looked absolutely miserable. The girl ended up dropping out of grad school because of her low energy. So in my limited experience, I found Veganism to be a little lame. Plus the food they made tasted like shit.
I'm currently a veg. I get a little wet every time I smell bacon cooking. I don't eat it, but boy, do I miss it.
also, my (male) roommate was vegan once. now, he cooks chicken livers, potroasts, and cheese dogs - only the foulest of all the meat groups. I don't understand it.
People have really weird food hang-ups. My father is personally offended by my brother's vegetariansm, but not my sister's (though it peeves him nonetheless). My mom had a minor nervous breakdown when I lost a lot of weight and families diets changed (sports, vegetarians, health, etc) and she couldn't cook aka show love the way she used to be able to.
Humans and pretty much all other mammals, bond hardcore over food. Most taboos out there have to do with dietary restrictions and allowances. So this being a relationship issue doesn't surprise me.
A friend of mine and I were just talking about this. She asked if my husband and I compromised on food items at all. I realized (quickly) that yes, we did. He didn't change the way he eats based on my desire to be "healthier", but he accomodates my ability to do so and will even join in from time to time (fat free cheese, turkey meatloaf, etc). I think at least understanding where he other person is coming from is important. I think understanding where you're coming from and why it's important to you that the other person understands it is even more important.
I am vegetarian and husband is not...although he doesn't eat meat everyday so that helps. Never really been a big deal for us.
@ineffable.me: Also from the Simpsons:
Mmmmmm....unexplained bacon.
Also, I have a friend who has tried to go vegetarian/vegan several times, probably because one of his hags is vegan (and also bisexual, and formerly a stripper. I love saying "vegan bisexual stripper). And he keeps coming back to meat because he likes it too much. Mostly chicken, though. And maybe he's gone meat-free and stuck with it. But now I want to call him and make a joke about how he can stay away from animal flesh about as well as he can stay away from man flesh.
I very rarely meet vegetarians (if I do, I just don't find this out about them). Maybe it has to do with the fact that I hang out at places with the words, "smokehouse", "brewing company" or "grill"? What could be the cause?
@rachelrob: God no. I may be biased...
I'm a vegetarian; boyfriend is not. Sometimes we eat together; sometimes he cooks his meat separately. End of story. There's no real problem. There are other issues we don't necessarily agree on, but that doesn't mean that everything we feel differently about has to be a deal breaker.
Also, I have to say that it was kind of uncool of SM to put eggs and chicken stock in her vegan boyfriend's food without telling him. That's his belief, not something for someone else to "correct."
I'm a vegetarian and my fiance is not, and it really causes no problems. He rarely cooks meat at home, but when he does, it's fine with me. We go out A LOT (too much) and orders meat. I have to say though, I am prejudice against vegans. I have never met one that didn't annoy the shit out me.
Im a "pescatarian" (to be a pretentious asshole) and my fiance loves him a steak. Do I care, no. Nor have I tried to convert him. Im also not an d. bag and if my veggie burger rubs up on his steak I don't flip my shit.
@sybann: Bourdain is my foodie hero!
Using ingredients such as eggs or chicken stock to cook for vegans and then not telling them is unethical. What's more, it's just plain rude and disrespectful. I'm a lacto-ovo vegetarian, and I don't eat fish or fish products, but once someone cooked stir-fry for me using fish sauce after I expressly asked him not to. His reasoning, said with a "gotcha" grin: I couldn't tell the difference, so it didn't matter.
My boyfriend is a steak and bacon loving guy, but he always asks to make sure I can eat something he makes and he doesn't care what I eat or don't eat. I don't care that he eats meat either really, but if he went vegetarian, I certainly wouldn't think he was "sissy." What era do we live in where a man's food choices determine his masculinity? That kind of thinking is just so...dated. And backwards. I don't want to come off as a Peta-loving Nazi vegetarian, but you guys truly disgusted me on this one. Grow up.
I like vegetables and don't cook much meat myself (mainly out of laziness), so I think I could deal with a run-of-the-mill non-judging vegetarian (probably not a vegan though. Too much thinking involved.)
I don't think I could deal with plain old bland picky eating though. You don't like garlic? You're not for me.
Pfft, whatever. I'm all about the vegetarians. And the tight-pansted emo dudes, wearers of "guyliner," trimmers of body hair ... all of these things indicate that a guy *may* not be uptight about gender roles and general manliness, a good thing in my book.
I'm a vegetarian but have dated plenty of meat eaters. As long as they're not dicks about it we're good. A guy who thinks he will magically turn gay if he goes near tofu -- now that's a turnoff.
I dated a male vegetarian for a few months and I didn't think he was a sissy at all. Just, y'know, stupid for not wanting bacon on his baked potato. If that wasn't the deal breaker, refusing to let me keep my salmon takeout in his fridge was.