Before her twentieth birthday, career office thief Ameenah Franks slipped past security at the Federal Aviation Administration, the Nuclear Regulatory Commission, the U.S. Treasury Department and various other high-security federal office complexes. She stole wallets, and digital cameras and even a Secret Service badge and was a total head-trip to anyone in charge of assuring that the nation's most sensitive government agencies weren't vulnerable to a terrorist attack — and she did it all because she was a fool for a man, and she needed to provide for their four motherfucking kids. Even detectives were charmed by her story! "Her motive wasn't based on substance abuse, which is 98 percent of these types of crimes," said one. "Her motivation was to support her family. I'm not in any way condoning what she did. But she was very good at what she did. She could have made a very good career in Hollywood as an actor."

Yeah, that's always the tragedy, right? Too bad all skilled hucksters, hustlers and bullshit artists can't just pick up and go to Hollywood and become actors or like, rappers or whatever! And like, too bad that mentality has sort of, like, permeated the conventional wisdom to the extent that even from her jail cell someone like Ameenah Franks is still bullshitting reporters, spinning her narrative about love and cunning and how she was sort of like "Robin Hood" and redemption or whatever without ever once pausing to curse whoever it was held a gun to her head and forced her to have those four motherfucking kids.


Desk Job [Washington City Paper]