Oh sweet Jesus.

Oh I'm fucking terrified. Still would rather have it vaginally though -- that's what these damn hips are for.

What about the "clinically significant" fear of being sliced open?! While you're awake?! My clinically significant fear is of scalpels.

Whenever I think about how bad childbirth is, I think of Melanie in Gone With The Wind and how she had little Beau under that bridge or whatever. If she can do it, I can do it. (I know she it fake, but it helps). Besides, stuff like that probably happened.

I'm so scared. But I've had two different gynos tell me that my hips are too small to give birth "naturally," unless its premature. So I'm hoping for a c-section. Plus I was an unplanned c, which made my little sister a planned c. My mom said it was the greatest thing ever. She had her appointment, went in, boom, she had a kid.

I find this crazy. Vaginal delivery is nuts too, but I can't believe people would ELECT to have a baby CUT OUT OF YOUR STOMACH! The vagina can stretch back. And if ladies are so into elective surgery, then push it real good and then go back for vagaplasty, or whatever they call it these days.

When my son was born I was next to a woman who was moaning loudly. It made me not want to moan. It's a few hours (36 for my daughter) in a life time.

@rachystyle: Of course stuff like that happened. I think people forget that we are actually animals sometimes. We can give birth naturally, but there's a constant barage of "OMG CHILDBIRTH THE MOST PAINFUL THING EVER BE AFRAID BE VERY VERY AFRAID." Dude, our bodies are meant to handle it. Let your bodies take over. I'm not saying go out in the middle of the woods to have a kid on your own, but I think jumping too quickly into C-sections is a problem.

Ah yes, another natural body process to fear! Seriously, what do these women think their bodies were built for?! If they're so scared of pushing a baby out, then how the hell do they think they'll manage 18 years of raising one?
These ladies need to tap into Ina May Gaskin's "Spiritual Midwifery". Good, good stuff.

@bringbackthebustle: they may not be having that surgery, but the stars apparently are having tummy tucks after their c-sections. That's how they get "back in fighting shape" in four and a half minutes.

WWDD -- What would Darwin do?

I plan on doing it like ze olden dayz...walking around a room until junior tumbles out into a bed of fresh straw...

What wimps. They'll make great moms too. What's next, fear of poopie diapers? Get over it. Throw your arms up and holler, you can't get off the roller coaster now. That's crazy stupid.

I told the bf that he should try to get as many babies in there the first time because I can only imagine giving birth once. I find it totally terrifying.

I also have a completely fucked up reproductive system (I have a double cervix and uterus. That's right...two of both!) so I will probably have a csection. Ouch.

@BringBackTheBustle: i'm with you. get over it, moms-to-be. not all c-sections are easy, either. with all the people in this world paying tons of cash in fertility clinics to get pregnant in the first place, this seems like the stupidest thing to fear. generations of women did it without general anesthesia and little to no pre-natal care. and these women are afraid of pushing?!?!

You know what? Raising a kid is a lot harder than having it. C'mon! It's a scary experience, sure, but it's never been safer than it is right now. Also, women have been having babies since the beginning of time-without much assistance of note up until the last hundred years. IMO if you're that scared of going through the process you should think twice about doing it.

I mean, obviously.

@brendastarlet:
I've heard that too. People's priorities have been so fucked by patriarchal society.

My mom had me without drugs, and they had to pull me out with tongs. Your lady body is BUILT to give birth. Your bones get squishy and separate when you're preggers in order to accommodate the babies mammoth head.

The scary thing isn't childbirth, it's how western male doctors deal with it. doula and a birthing chair all the way. (though I won't know the drugs.)

Christ on toast. I had an unplanned C because my son felt a marked indifference about ever being born, and it was no big deal. By then, I'd have been perfectly happy to have him out orally, if that's what it took. I think the mystery wigs out people who haven't had kids before, but it's the same as any medical experience either way. Their goal is a good outcome for you and for the baby. Period. It's one day in your life and one day in your kid's life. Fetishizing this is as bad as fetishizing the bridal experience.

@rhody: Whoa. That's kind cool.

won't *knock* the drugs. I will very likely know them.

Childbirth in all forms terrifies me, but I think attempting to push something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon (shout out to Kirstie!) makes me vomit in my mouth a little bit more. There is just no physical way my hips can take that. And my vag would never be the same. Then there's that whole pooing in front of people thing. And don't they also have to uh, cut you? Down there? I think I'd rather have a sort tummy than a sore cooch.

Shudder. The whole thing is just scary.

@bifteck-frites: I was thinking the same thing. I've suffered my birthing hips, so I'm going to make use of them. My mother had natural and c-section (tiny pelvis and 10 month babies), and prefered natural. She could hold my brother without hurting, could cough without crying, didn't get pnemonia from being weak. Sound better to me to go natural.

If the birth scares you, what are you going to do with a tiny thing that cries and you don't always know why. That sounds more scary to me.

I got a little freaked out about childbirth when my mom told me I came out "sideways and kicking." But she was just making that up. I have a "head first" policy with the vag and it started at day one.

@TheFormerJuneBronson:
Heh. Is that an option now?

I think there's a difference between a doctor going the c-section route and people choosing to do it for their own vanity.

PS to everyone: while I'm not saying elective c-sections are necessarily awesome or anything, I don't think it makes any sense to compare the difficulty of giving birth to the difficulty of raising children. Men don't give birth at all (as you may have heard), but they still (ideally) raise the child.

I just can't seem to judge women who don't want to give birth the standard way. They're scared. There are risks both ways. Who cares?

@rhody: My gynocologist once told me I have a short cervix, which means a higher risk of preemies and miscarriages, so that was great to find out.

I'm not planning on having children, (at this point) but that was still tough to hear.

@vanishingirl: Yeah, and birth used to KILL women with regularity up until recently (and, obvs, it still does in places where there isn't medical care available). Not everything that's "natural" is safe.

Anyway, I'm biased b/c I'm terrified of giving birth. Seriously terrified - c-section or otherwise. I'm not that into kids anyway, so maybe I just won't have any. But lord, the thought makes me shudder.

@TruculentandUnreliable: Yeah, doctors love me. There is just so much to look at!

After my best friend went through 48 hours of back labor last week, I understand the fear.
Can I brag about my boyfriend's vasectomy again right now? Wheee!

@hortense: I am sort of indifferent to having children (it won't ruin my life if I don't) but it is kind of shocking to hear that you can't. I probably can, but it will be high risk.

Umm, I am WAY more terrified of doctors and major surgery than I am of giving birth! My sis and her best friend both gave birth (4 total between them) at water birth centers in the tub-no medical intervention at all. I know terrible things happen, but I really beleive that fear CAUSES a lot of those problems. Birth didn't used to be a medical event.

@rednrowdy: uh, yeah, generations of women before us also had a high rate of dying in childbirth. It is not a walk in the park just because people have been doing it for millions of years. Just saying.

I think it's a media effect. We see so much today about scary childbirths (with the ER baby delivery shows) because those are more interesting and exciting for television. Similarly there are more magazine articles about what can go wrong, and what you can do to fuck up the whole process that people become focused on that. I know that I have a general fear of a lot of things related to pregnancy than I had a few years back because of a bunch of reading (scientific and not), whereas my sister is constantly having these new unknown experiences because she's kind of in an insulated bubble (constipation? who knew pregnant women get that?...etc).

@RainbowBrite: ah, jinx.

@vanishingirl: So true! (Raising harder than childbirth). My spin is that childbirth is so hard because it makes you believe/realize you can do ANYTHING - such as deal with a newborn - which is freaking hard. At the risk of sounding self-righteous, I had a homebirth, my son was a month late, my mid-wife was awesome, there were moments I totally thought "Holy shit, I cannot do this!" But then I did. Would not trade that experience for anything.

One reason why I'm opting for adoption.

@BringBackTheBustle: I think there's a difference too, but there are so many judgmental women who view any C as a failure on your part as a responsible mother. My own mother-in-law was appalled that I wasn't against having an epidural, and dared to speculate that I've had issues with depression because my mother had one. I just wanted to take the whole experience as it came, not plan everything down to the last instant and then be disappointed if it didn't go the way I expected. And it's lucky I felt that way, because by 43 weeks, it really stopped being up to me. But what do I care? I have a beautiful son, and the recovery was nothing.

There's hope for women who don't want to give birth:

ADOPTION.

OK, I've never had kids, but isn't the recovery from a C-section much worse than a vaginal birth?
Also, isn't there evidence that a lot of doctors suggest C-sections because it costs more, therefore they make more money? I know all OBGYNs aren't that crooked, but it does make sense.

@dreamweave: uh, yeah, but, again, raising a child isn't ever going to literally KILL you.

@rhody: Well, from what I know I still can, but there are just higher risks involved. I can't imagine how tough it must be to hear that you can't. That's one of the reasons I try not to talk about my decision not to have children (and again, I'm 27...when I'm 37 I may feel differently). Because it's not a choice for many people.

@DorothyZbornak: And also so they can schedule it. A baby that comes during office hours is so much better then a middle of the night call.

I had an unplanned c-section with my twins and a scheduled one the second time around b/c I didn't want to have c-section problems *and* vaginal delivery problems. I was glad to have c-sections, and I am a kick ass mom. The end.

If someone would rather have a scar on their stomach and spend six weeks recovering from it instead of delivering their baby naturally and walking around the next day, that's just cracked. In some cases, it's necessary. But to prefer surgery out of a fear of the natural process is so clinically nuts these women are too messed up to be having children in the first place.

And yes, I had an orgasm at the peak of my first natural delivery.

@jessicarabbit: trust. at times it feels like it might!

@jessicarabbit: of course it's not a walk in the park. if you have fear of giving birth but want to raise kids, here's a hint: adopt.

@TheFormerJuneBronson:
I agree that it's the woman's choice, but the rise in elective c-sections seems to say something about where the priorities of women lie, and that is hotness and sexiness over pain. I may have been pulled out with plyers but my sister had to be c-section, so it's also not always the mom's choice.

Congratulations on your son.

I had both. My C-section was with my first under the advisement of my doctor due to his breech position. My second was natural. I was able to take care of my daughter right away and I recovered so quickly. The c-section recovery was painful and I still have a scar, which is numb, for the rest of my life.

It seems to me that a c-section is just as invasive as heart surgery. I hate the way the medical community treats it like it is a wonderful option. I am not judging anyones choice, just the way it is so easily obtained.

Also, people have been scaring moms to be forever, what is it so different now? Not being snarky, seriously wondering.

@jessicarabbit: @RainbowBrite: I'm glad somebody said it. Natural childbirth is very dangerous. I'm not saying it can't be easy for some people, but even in today's world, there can be unforseen consequences of natural childbirth. If the women are having the c-section to protect their children since they feel it is safer, isn't that a good thing? I mean, we all take antibiotics (or at least most of us), and no one thinks you shouldn't just because they aren't natural. Isn't the whole "well it's natural so it's safe" idea something that collapses with a little scrutiny? Arsenic is natural too...

@rhody: Because I saw that on Grey's once and am totally curious -- do they both function fully? My actual (and inappropriate) question is - two periods every month? Do they take turns? Feel free to tell me to mind my own business if you'd rather not answer, I promise not to take it personally :)