Jezebel

Yeah, that's just what I need on a plane, a fat, sweaty naked guy on one side of me and a naked crying baby on the other.

Ew, yuck.

Ew.

Nightmarish!

First class all the way

I went to a nude beach once in Massachusetts. NEVER AGAIN! Nudists are almost always the last person you would ever want to see naked.
-shiver-

I saw my share of scanitly clad German tourists in The Dominican Republic. Do.not.want.

I was just thinking to myself the other day, "There aren't enough naked people on airplanes. Sure, there's me, but I get a lot of funny looks from people."

I'm imagining them serving hot drinks anyway, and oh is it funny.

The only time I've ever gone to third base on a plane was with a German. I guess Europeans still see flying like Americans did in the sixties.

Aww, Germany. First you vote David Hasselhoff 'Sexiest American TV Personality' YEARS after he's been ousted from American television and now this? Y'all ain't right. But you can slang your beers my way any day.

My junior high health textbook said most people look better naked. Untruer words were never spoken.

Like flying isn't traumatic enough...

i'm not a big "naked" person. i'm an underpants person-- inside my apartment. alone or with boyfriend ONLY.

This reminds me of those Blue Fly commercials about a faster way to get through security

Naked flying would make going through metal detectors easier. They already make you take your shoes off, even if they're fucking flip flops. And what the fuck are those terrorism detectors that basically just blow wind up your skirt Seven Year Itch style?

@BeAgrestic: Burlington, Vermont is pretty openly nudist, right? I love Vermont but when I picture this I just think of pubes, like, EVERYWHERE.

As a former lifeguard, I saw too much of the Euro male in chains with the cheeta print speedo. Don't want to see them out of it either.

@BeAgrestic: I saw a ton of naked Germans a few years ago in Mallorca. They do like to vacation at the beach.

What a weird bunch.

There are so many horrible, horrible obvious jokes in here that I don't even want to start.

is the woman in the picture wearing one of those 'leg avenue' slutty air-hostess costumes?

But will sandals with socks still be allowed?

So the staff WONT be naked, just sun-burnt Gunter and Hans, enjoying some bratwurst and Hasslehoff music videos while giggling on thier 'specially-sized cloths'? No cloth could be ever be large enough. Yeeesh.

And what if there's a crash and Wolfgang has to make a run for it?

@meaghan2k: +1!

well, I guess that will speed up the security check-in, since they won't have to take their shoes off. Very efficient.

@cardboardbelt: NOOOOoooo. mental image of fat naked german man running. jiggling. my eyeeeeeeeeees.

@rhody: No, that's Brattleboro, VT. They are also voting on whether or not to arrest W. and Cheney for war crimes if ever they set foot in the town.

I have a German friend who is not a nudist but does have a uh, different body image, I guess? I tell him, "What's with you Europeans believing that the body is a natural thing to be unashamed of? Protestant guilt is where it's at!"

Airplanes are cold.

I would totally want to risk the damage to my goodies for a hot coffee.

DO NOT WANT.

I am almost certain that I would be seated next to Augustus Gloop.

Also, do they give out blankets? If so, do they sanitize them afterwards? Gross.

@titania1285: This could also be a potential result:
[youtube.com]

@rhody: I have never heard that about vermont! Maybe? The nude beach I was at was on Martha's Vineyard and I ran into a couple that hang out with my grandparents. Talk about awkward.

@Archetype: The ones I saw had native boys on leashes. Did I mention I won't be going back to the Dominican EVER?

@hortense: Brattleboro makes way more sense. I was in Burlington a couple weeks ago looking for all the naked people, but I figured I couldn't find any because it was 15 degrees outside.

LOVE Vermont and all their liberal towns.

@Miss Pelled: something tells me i don't want to watch that at work?

@hortense: Bwa ha ha ha!!! Oh dear me...

Haha- this is from Eastern Germany,which explains everything. I was wondering what was going on as most Germans aren't nudists, and could care less about David Hasslehoff.

@titania1285: Probably not. Sorry. Shouldn't have warned you (it's on YouTube, though, so it's not too naughty... especially if you don't have bifocals on).

Said Bret Michaels "Nude flights from Germany? That kinda turns me on."

Does the nudity cause the ticket prices to go up or down?

@BeAgrestic: It was Brattleboro, I am an idiot. We were thinking of swapping our regular Cape Cod vacation for the Vineyard this year so that is a good tip.

Oh god. All I can think of is the redneck I sat next to once who didn't make the compulsory announcement "I need to get up", and just squeezed past my aisle seat, shoving his stonewashed-clad junk in my face before I had a chance to unbuckle and get out of the way.

[Random joke about breezing through security]

Hey, they're just beating the TSA to the punch with the shoes-off, jackets-off, belts-off routine. Way to sail through the security lines!

Well done for not mentioning the Nazis yet guys, even if you've hit every other stereotype.

It's a hella expensive, extremely short flight. Weird.

@99centbar:
Under Communism all they had was nudity.

@Gumbina80:
Is this the beginning of your "And that's how I joined the mile high club" story?

@rhody: Cool! Definitely let me know if you do, my family has been going there for a long time so if you need any advice about where to stay, etc, I'd be happy to help out.
I used to go for the whole summer and work my ass off to live in a crappy 3 bedroom for $1000 a month. I'd much rather go for a week and live it up than spend all of September recovering.

@Miss Pelled: My mouth is wide open and no sound will come out.

@bangieb: He'd never have to worry about making a connection.

*Bah dah dum!*

Note to self: Walk.

All I can think of is..the smell? Planes are stinky and stuffy enough as it is..ARGH!

Ever notice how whenever you see a documentary on nudist colonies or go to a nude beach it is never the kind of people I want to see naked. Old guys with major grey chest hair and beer bellies naked as a jaybird wearing socks and tennis shoes and a Dale Jr hat.

@BringBackTheBustle: Does having the junk of a Miller-swigging Jeff Foxworthy lookalike pass centimeters from my face count as joining the mile high club? Damn. I wanted my boyfriend to be my first.

@99centbar: I grew up in the former West Germany and, trust me, all Germans love to be nekkid. Pretty much every swimming pool becomes a nudist colony after 5 p.m. My parents had some explaining to do when we decided to stay an extra hour during my brother's eighth birthday pool party. All the little American boys suddenly decided to strap on their goggles and play find the penny at the bottom of the pool. The things people do in front of the jet streams when they think no one can see!

I'll bet the tray tables won't be the only thing in the "upright and locked" position.

Ass cloth. Haha.

@BeAgrestic: I definitely will. The Cape has some serious sentimental value to the bf and I (in a corny way that I will spare the internets from hearing about) but I have lived in NE my whole life and never made it to the Vineyard. I think it is about time.

Wilhelm (not Willhelm), Captain Spell-Check.

OH MY GOD I want to introduce y'all to my German parents, uncles, cousins, etc. family members. Snark some sense into 'em. But, to be fair, when your blood has been polluted by beer and wars for generations, there's bound to be some oddness. Bless their hearts.