Jezebel
I think it's kinda cool that those disposable vibrating cock rings have made it into the mainstream, and are being advertised on TV and sold in drug stores. The NY Observer has an article all about the growing popularity of the disposable vibe rings, sold by various condom companies for about $10 a pop. But something about the Observer's coverage irked me because although almost all the women interviewed raved about the product, in reality, it sucks. I should know — I've tried about $200 worth of them!
Okay, first of all, the sort of vibration used in the ring is not my steez at all. It's that unchanging, steady kind that's so fast it's almost unnoticeable. I need a chunkier ride. (Think off-road terrain or when something heavy and unbalanced is in the washing machine.) Beyond that, the battery only lasts for about 20 minutes. That's not so bad, but you should get some more time with it. Paying 50 cents a minute for subpar action. I know I sound ridiculous, like, "This sucks and there's not enough of it!" But whatever!
The biggest problem with vibrating rings is that they sit at the base of the dude's dick. The idea is that it's supposed to rub up on your clit when it makes contact. But in order to feel any of it, the dude has to keep his peen in there, and press the vibe up on you, so inevitably, you have to choose between the vibe and thrusting.
Here's my suggestion if you're into penetration and vibration at the same time: You lie on your back, then have the dude lie on his side next to you. Drape your legs over him — so it's almost like you're sitting sideways in his lap, except laying down — and have him fuck you that way. This makes it so you can be totally free with your vibe on your clit, without any awkward maneuvering or body parts in the way.
But anyway, as far as those vibrating cock rings go, it is nice to see women's needs addressed beyond "ribbed for her pleasure." (BTW, have women ever derived pleasure from, or even noticed, the ribbing on condoms?) And it does help to kill off the retarded stigma that only ugly old maids or lesbians use vibrators. So this is progress! We haven't necessarily arrived, but we're cumming.*
*I actually just plagiarized myself there.
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzmmmmmmmmm ... oh ... oh ... oh ... oh ... [NY Observer]
Comments
Um, I think we need an illustration of that position you recommend.
uhhh i do beg to differ...
in my experience its all about position. girl on top + this lovely mechanical creation = glorious fun.
Is that the position from Munich? I still daydream about it. And Eric Bama.
@SarahMC:
On the real. I am having trouble imagining in. Is my back flat on the bed?
the "ribbed for her pleasure" ones piss me off b/c it feels like it is rolling off.
@SarahMC: Preferably video... ;)
My work computer freezes constantly and did so when I refreshed to find "Vibrating Cock Ring Stimulates Conversation More than Clits"
Awkward....
Yeah, they don't work worth a darn. Picked one up in Europe last summer and I can't say it improved anything.
I LOVE ribbed condoms. I was totally totally skeptical until I pulled one out of the RA bag one time all those years ago. At this point I'm kind of addicted.
Amen! I don't want to choose between the vibes and the thrusts. I want it all...and the o to go with it.
I need a chunkier ride.
Hehe, you sound like a chub chaser. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Remember on My Name is Earl when the conjugal jar of "ribbed for her pleasure" condoms was totally full, but the "thin for his pleasure" was nearly empty?
Yeah, that's all I got.
I never liked the disposable cock rings. I ended up just buying one that I only have to occasionally change the batteries in. Plus the disposable ones are kinda lame.
@brendastarlet: YES! Oh yes indeed. I felt bad for thinking Munich was a buffet of hot fake Jews.
Ribbed for Her Apathy.
we kind of liked it - it wasn't some crazy wondo thing, but it was cool.
whattt?? am i really the only person that LOVES this?? i find this difficult to believe.. someone back me up please.
Grammar objection! "You lie on your back." Not "lay." Well, I guess you are "laying" on your back in that situation, hurr hurr.
I presented one of these cock rings to staff during a monthly meeting almost a year ago. We were discussing whether or not the commercials would be a good fit for our networks. (They weren't.) Anyway, my ring sits between my computer monitors on the swing-thing that holds them up. (Whatever that is.)
I'm amazed to say that the battery has not died. It hasn't been used in the intended manner, but co-workers frequently pick it up, flip it on, and hold it while chatting at my desk. It's kind of like a stress ball for people. It's the office cock ring.
@wolf biter: oh God I drooled over Mr. Bana in Munich. Nom nom nom
@jenalicious: I second that emotion.
Well, I notice the ribs, in a totally annoyed, condom falling off kind of way. Never tried the vibe-o-ring, as with our luck it would explode or get stuck or something.
Have tried the sideways sex (I'm sure Cosmo has a picture somewhere), and it's quite nice unless, like me, your hand falls asleep from the vibrations and then wakes up at a totally awkward moment, causing you to do a sort of demented mattress dance.
@jenalicious: Oh no, I love it too. It's awesome. Like, Angels Singing From on High awesome.
Okay, sorry to be all lame, but I think these things are sooooo wasteful and silly.
Bullet. $10. It's pretty maneuverable wherever you are.
I have one in my nightstand, will have to try it the next time I get laid. Look for an update in 2-3 years...
those suck. first of all, the vibration isnt strong enough to make you feel anything and it dies down pretty fast. I would rather recommend saving your cash and buying a vibrating bullet (best to use wired ones and not battery operated ones).
Some of the ribbed ones work for me. Though they always make it sound like texture = mindblowing sex technology, and it's not.
@TruculentandUnreliable: I hate to admit that the first thing that I thought of when I saw this (besides the fact that it looked weak and sucky) was all of the needless landfill waste. And batteries, no less. Gah.
I've been looking for this everywhere but no luck. I think the benefit to this over a bullet is (for some men) using a bullet might be a little intimidating, whereas if Trojan makes it, it's a little more familiar even though it's essentially the same thing. That said, my bf was offended when I suggested that we should try these. So maybe my theory is wonked, I dunno.
I don't like the sideways sex that much...is it just me, or is it hard to get traction that way?
@SarahMC: after re-reading it a couple times, i think i understand. look at this picture. now imagine her sitting on top of a dude facing forward in that chair. his legs would be perpendicular to hers. now imagine them on a bed, her flat on her back. he would be entering from underneath, and she has hands free to do as she pleases from above. am i visualizing this right, slut machine?
In my experience: not bad, but not amazing, either. I would do it again.
@CHARLIEBUCKET: Yeah, I seriously want women to enjoy themselves, but there are plenty of alternatives that aren't disposable.
I know I've seen a handsfree vibe that straps on kinda like a jock strap. Not sure if it would get in the way, though, or provide a sufficiently chunky ride.
@TruculentandUnreliable: I don't like it either. (We are the same person today!) It hits me in all the wrong spots and none of the right ones.
But I'm not one for clit action, anyway.
I actually really like the different kinds of ribbed condoms, they do it for me- to the point where I prefer the feeling to just plain penis. Some work better than others thats for sure- durex is the best, the trojan "for her" ones are the worst. Plus condoms are better because its less messy.
"This sucks and there's not enough of it!" Isn't that from the monologue at the beginning of Annie Hall?
Ya'll? Seriously...
@spectatertot: I think you're right. It took about 4 re-readings of the described position but I think you have to be perpendicular? Right?
@SarahMC: Eric Bana in Munich, yes. Also a yes to Daniel Craig in that movie. I'm thinking the movie would be too excruciating to watch more than once without all the mancandy.
My boyfriend and I found this position by accident (and I have yet to see it in a Cosmo or something like that), but SlutMachine has described it perfectly -- it's like sitting in your guy's lap sideways, with your back leaning towards the bed. (I always end up at a ~45 degree angle away.) It does leave the hands free for other activities.
I nicknamed the position "The Distractor" because I find myself thinking of it during inopportune times.
I really don't understand how it can feel that great. Thrusting > vibrating.
I keep trying to find one of the boxes in a store so that I can read more about these things. Online retailers suck at descriptions. I just have a feeling the box for the product will be hilarious.
@mcemmie: My ex got sort of wounded about lube. Men want to believe they can do it all on their own, no help necessary. Or some do.
@TWSS: It exists. Babeland carries several of them. Straps on with elastic. I've never used one though. At this point anything weaker than the Magic Wand is just a nuisance.
@sequined: Yeah, what is up with those kinda guys? Like they expect you to be some kind of asexual being who's never known true pleasure until they unzipped their fly, and the mere sight of their members suddenly turns you into a screaming nympho?
@sequined: Jesus, was your ex aware that the WOMAN actually supplies the natural lube, so if anything the "failure" was on your part? hahaha.
It looks a little like those collars full of hot chocolate that St Bernard's wear in pictures...
I hate these sort of things, they don't seem to quite understand how bits work. How's that going to hit anything good?
THANK YOU Slut Machine!! This is totally my sure-fire position. Sideways sex rules.
@jessicarabbit: Well, the woman in this position isn't sideways. She's basically sitting in a chair position, on her back, legs slightly spread with the guy on his side, in a similar chair position.
It's like Tetris, except with more penetration and vibrating.
This position is also a good one, sans toy, if the man is straddling the woman's "down" leg. It's a very "deep" position and puts a lot of pressure on the man's cock. If he likes a lot of pressure. If he has the stamina of a smoking, drunk marathon runner, it could make for a short visit.
more sex 101! also known as: the lazywoman's position. also known as: half asleep. but it works. i must confess to using these subpar, wasteful devices. well, one device. i didn't re-buy. i just can never suck it up and spend 100 bucks on a decent vibrator without trying it first. such a cheap fuck! i got a hitachi magic wand but it is waaaaay too sneakers-in-the-washing-machine for me and now i sadly use it to massage my intractable right shoulder knot.
@J.D.Regent: I love my Hitachi Magic Wand, but it pretty much sucks during sex. Too bulky.
I really don't like this position. Am I the only one?
I think people who don't get the sex position description just havn't ever done it. I knew what she was talking about the second I read it. I did it last night. hah!