Yum, here's a "no shit" study that hits the spot: Researchers have discovered that junk food lowers stress levels! Go get a cookie, we'll wait. So, yeah. University of New South Wales pharmacology professor Margaret Morris took lab rats away from their mothers as babies and divided them into groups. One group was on a "lard-laden junk food diet", including cakes, chips and pies. The other was on a low fat diet. Then all the rats went through different behavioral tests, like being exposed to really bright light. Apparently the fat rats weren't fazed by the glare, like, "Dude. It's kinda like, bright in here? Burp." And the thin rats were mega-tense; all, "OMG WTF! What is that?!??!" Anyway, there could be something for humans to learn from this about stress and appetite and why you eat high-calorie food when you're freaking out. Great, right? Except not so much if you're in jail.
Scientists from Oxford University say that an increase in junk food over the past 50 years has led not to a stress-free existence but a rise in violence among inmates. A pilot study randomly distributed vitamin supplements to prisoners in England and Scotland — along with a placebo. There were a third fewer violent incidents among those given the supplements. Vitamins, shmitamins! I will cut a fool for some chocolate right about now. Maybe the problem is that they need to feed inmates more? How violent can you be if you're full of cake?