This Week In Tabloids: Twins For Angelina, Trouble For Mary-Kate

Every Wednesday we do Midweek Madness, a delicious look at the latest artery-clogging celebrity tabloids; this week, newly-pregnant Angelina Jolie wins 3 of 5 covers, with the other two devoted to the late Heath Ledger — and his relationship with Mary-Kate Olsen. (Last week, Life & Style and Star had frighteningly similar covers; this week it's Life & Style and OK!.) Anyway, the news that knocked-up Angie has been craving crap like Oreos and Doritos made us hungry for junky snack foods, so join us (and the amazing Intern Sharon) as we look for sugary crumbs of gossip inside Star, In Touch, Us, OK! and Life & Style.. all after the jump.

This Week In Tabloids: Twins For Angelina, Trouble For Mary-Kate

OK!
"Yes, Angie's Pregnant!" At the SAG awards ceremony, Angelina had morning sickness in the evening, says someone working the event. "I thought she was going to lose it right there at the table." She had her food taken away and Brad had his taken away too. As for other pregnancies, Cash Warren says fiancee Jessica Alba "gets cranky when she's hungry." Who doesn't? In other news, Mary-Kate was seen out dancing to a band two days after Heath Ledger was found dead. A friend says in 2006, Heath was hanging out in a hotel and "drank everything in the mini bar" and was looking for cocaine. But when he was high Heath talked about how much he loved Matilda and said he loved Michelle but couldn't see himself marrying her. Plus, some think Nicole Richie is a little blue after having her baby, but will turn to work: She's going to put out an album, a jewelry line and a style book.
Grade: F (Sno Balls)

This Week In Tabloids: Twins For Angelina, Trouble For Mary-Kate

Us
"Heath Ledger's Secret Struggles." Sources say Heath Ledger would drink to get drunk and that Michelle Williams wanted him to get drug-tested before she'd let him spend time with Matilda. Also, she drove him to Promises rehab in Malibu and he wouldn't get out of the car — he swore he'd clean up on his own. In Britney news, she may be finally getting help: Sam Lutfi told Barbara Walters that she's been to a psychiatrist and is maybe starting some kind of treatment. (But Britney had an attitude about it and wasn't taking it seriously.) Monday, Britney's mother tried to get her to go to an in-patient psychiatric facility and Britney refused, sneaked away and asked Adnan Ghalib to come pick her up. Also inside: Kate Moss is planning legal action against UK tabloid News Of The Word because the paper reported that she celebrated her birthday with an orgy.
Grade: D- (Honey Bun)

This Week In Tabloids: Twins For Angelina, Trouble For Mary-Kate

Life & Style
"Angelina's Dangerous Pregnancy." The magazine has some random ob/gyn named Randy Fink say things like Angelina could go into pre-term labor, suffer from high blood pressure or have "extra stretching of abdominal skin." Isn't that stuff applicable to any pregnant woman? The mag also notes that Angie was "alarmingly skinny" just a few months ago. What else? Britney Spears went to see 27 Dresses and left the theater in tears! Her mom, Lynne Spears, is trying to juggle Jamie Lynn and Britney's demands: Britney says she feels like she can't get her boys back without her mom's help, but Lynne says "Jamie Lynn's my baby and I will always be there for her." Meanwhile, Jamie Lynn bought her baby daddy a used truck: Her dad wasn't happy with the old truck her boyfriend was driving his daughter around in, so they went to get something nicer. In Heath news: Matilda Ledger is "The Baby Heath Left Behind" : A L.A. neighbor says "he was such a good dad, he taught Matilda to swim in our pool." Another source says that after Michelle kicked Heath out, his drug use got worse than ever. As for Mary-Kate, she's been spotted at several NYC bars and nightspots and insiders says he partly blames herself for Heath's death because she partied with him. Lastly, Nicole Richie is so thin "looks like she was never pregnant" ; Tori Spelling is pregnant again, and motherhood is changing Nicole Kidman; an insider says "It's as if Nicole's face is suddenly thawing." Sweet.
Grade: D (pork rinds)

This Week In Tabloids: Twins For Angelina, Trouble For Mary-Kate

In Touch
"What Mary-Kate Knows" Lots more here about MK calling her bodyguard instead of 911. Also, apparently Heath had a bit of a late night before he died; his last phone call was made at 2:20 A.M. and his blood alcohol level was high. In other news: Madonna has mysterious bruises under her eyes and it could be from a filler called Sculptra, which causes more bruising than Botox or Resytlane. Or it could be lower eyelid surgery! Madge turns 50 in August, maybe she wants to look ageless? Plus,Angelina will have three more babies this year: Angie is pregnant with twins — twins run in the Pitt family; Brad's sister has twins — and also the couple still plans to adopt an Ethiopian girl they had their eye before Angie got knocked up. And Matthew McConaughey says of his unborn spawn: "He or she will hang out at the beach and go on hikes wearing wild bandanas." Lastly, The List this week is "They Hooked Up With The Help" — Usher fell in love with a stylist; Ethan Hawke is dating the nanny; Patrick Dempsey married his hair stylist.
Grade: D (quarter water; aka sugary "juice" in a plastic barrel)

This Week In Tabloids: Twins For Angelina, Trouble For Mary-Kate

Star
"Yes, It's True!" Angelina's having twins! During the Critics' Choice awards, she ordered Oreos and Doritos, even though they weren't on the menu. The mag says Angie and Brad tried to conceive a few times before the in vitro took. Also: Portia de Rossi has been ignoring Ellen DeGeneres because she's addicted to Guitar Hero III and Halle Berry is anxious about being knocked up and doesn't want to appear matronly so she's looking for designer ensembles she can wear instead of maternity clothes. In other news, John Mayer has had a thing for Paula Abdul for years but is weird and shy about it and Tom Cruise saved a hawk! He heard the bird was struck by a car in Arizona and had his private jet pick it up and fly it to a hawk sanctuary in Colorado for treatment. More: Nine out of ten nurses at Cedars-Sinai preferred Nicole Richie to Christina Aguilera because Nicole bought other mothers "push presents" and had people in "stitches" with her humor. (They were happy to see Christina go.) Heath news: Mary Kate Olsen was obsessed with Heath Ledger; she thought he was a great mix of deep thinking sexuality; they would hook up in L.A. hotels or Heath's apartment in New York. The New York Post's Cindy Adams admits that she knows nothing about the circumstances around Heath's death — but knows that some stars have private security show up at a scene before the cops to get rid of illegal substances. Sigh. Lastly, Miley Cyrus, 15, is having trouble with her high-stress lifestyle! Sometimes she can't even eat and almost passes out on stage. She thinks she looks fat in fan pictures and that her legs and face are "all jiggly" to fans in the first row at concerts.
Grade: C (Twinkies)