Marriage will never go out of fashion - it'll just get more expensive.

So, in lieu of joining a church group -- which seems to be where Kay is inexorably headed with this argument -- what the fuck are we supposed to do?

I'm turning 30 in a month and a half and I'm not married. It's actually not half bad! After having been in relationships one after the other for 10 years, I'm enjoying being single. No rush to the alter here, thank you very much!

I don't want to get married, but I agree %100 that dudes need to grow the fuck up. I swear.

If there were a bunch of proposals sitting here in front of me I do not think I'd be any closer to getting married. I might have a little growing up to do too.

Then again, I live in NY.

@hollywoodenflames: a-fucking-men.

Um, who needs em?

I mean, I know I'm a lesbian and this doesn't really apply to me, but most of my smart, independent, wonderful straight girlfriends don't need no man, except for one thing.

And yep, it's sex.

oh, i'll dispute it sister!!! maybe it's because i'm all maaaaarrried and shit, but every dude i ever dated was trying to settle down when all i wanted to do was have an anonymous fuck. i don't really think it is guys' problem. i mean, are you really ready to marry? no. why is it guys' fault? i don't get it.

I have a friend who'd boyfriend just broke up with her because he claimed she had promised to buy him PlayStation 3 for Xmas, and she did not (as she is broke). The age of this insufferable tool? 35.

Being married =/= growing up. My husband plays more video games than most 14 year olds. He owns every game system and gadget known to man. Right now he is slaying internet dragons on World of Warcraft instead of talking to me. He does stop for the sexing anytime I want though.

@hollywoodenflames: Seriously! Goddamn motherfucking sportsball and videogames and Adam Sandler and spinny tires and for Christs sake YOU ARENT IN COLLEGE ANYMORE.

Yeah, I might be a little bitter at the moment. I'm 27 and feel like guys were more mature in high school then they are now. Major regression happened in the last few years.

@J.D.Regent: i once had a 24 year old cry when i told him (when i was 18) that i didn't want a relationship and just wanted sex.
he CRIED ACTUAL TEARS.

my brother is 27, works part time, is in a band, and smokes a lot of pot. i don't ever see him getting his crap together and getting a real job or being able to buy a house. i don't know how his girlfriend deals with it.

i, on the other hand, am very happily single at the age of 33.

@bowlingfordollars: aw, the lesbian "yep." like ellen on time: yep, i'm gay!

@hamsterpants: PLEASE tell me he did it via email which you can send to Jezebel on behalf of all women everywhere?

@hamsterpants: Wow. I'll venture out on a limb here and say she's better off.

@number13: this totes sounds like my husband for the first year of our marriage. it was fun!

@J.D.Regent: er, sorry. am having the kind of day that is making me leave psychotic posts.

Yeah, I really don't think this is a problem, but I'm so glad somebody finally looked at the rising age of married men, instead of just bemoaning the fact that women are getting married later and how that's the downfall of society and it's all their fault and don't they know they're ruining their lives?!!

Anyway, I hate when people call women who wait selfish and foolish and whatever, so I'll refrain from telling men who wait to grow up.

@titania1285: Were they tears of joy?

@ccchild: no, he called me selfish and couldn't understand the concept.

Solution? Find the guys that DO want to marry. They do exist. And from what some users are saying (and personal experience), it's not the men that neccessarily have problems.

Granted, there's quite a few who have the whole Peter Pan, I-never-wanna-grow-up thing going on, but a guy playing video games and whatnot is not an indication of immaturity. It's possible to be ready for marriage and still play WoW. If that doesn't fit into your ideal of a perfect marriage, then it's time to own up it's not the men who are to be found lacking, it's you.

@titania1285: oh sure, NOW i'll fuck you, after you've asked for my hand in marriage and insulted me. the insults are usually just a breath away from the demand for commitment.

if men were bombarded with articles discussing women's disinclination to marry, how women viewed living together as a mere distraction, how to land a mate-for-life, etc. men would be dying to get married.

this whole culture sets up this premise that men are less inclined to commit and then
a. woman that buy into it act clingy/crazy because they have to hang on to who they have now/go out of their way to find a man
b. men are taught to think they can get a woman anytime they decide it is time to settle down

and then the women doing a, ultimately "prove" that the men doing b are "right", and the whole thing sucks.

I will say, if you want a young man who wants marriage, join a church group. All the churched young men I know are either married or on their way. But they're also True Love Waits kinds of people, so take that for what you will.

I, for one, am glad that I'm not considered an old maid at 24 and have the option of cohabitating and putting off the marriage discussion UNTIL I'm 30.

Well, except among those churchy people. I dread the "I'm praying for you" conversations at my 10-year reunion when everyone finds out I'm "living in sin."

I know this guy who's 27, plays video games all the time, has no interest in wearing anything besides a navy hoodie and sambas, eats junk food all the time and can't figure what he wants his career to be.

He's also financially responsible, wants to have children in the next five years and is married to me.

Why do video games and not dressing like a douche bag make you irresponsible or not able to settle down? What is the median age for women to get married, has that risen too?

Remember hippies? They were totally unwilling to grow up, but they still got married (or at least lived in sin) up and had us.

@J.D.Regent: Cause the columnist says so. Surely the columnist is right, right?

Hmm. So the marrying age for men is getting slightly older. Is this because women are marrying later as well?

I think they can smell it - if you want a relationship they don't, if you don't want one, they are suddenly all nice and responsive and shit.

@J.D.Regent: funny how that doesn't work. and how we'd all rather have a pint of New York SuperFudge Chunk than a dude who spews insults on a daily basis.

I was almost thirty something when this show was on.

Loved it. Peter Horton. Yum.

Okay Carry on.

@titania1285: but i'm sure he thinks of himself as the nice guy.

@LadyNo: Er, are you my husband's second wife?
Yes the median age of women getting married has risen too, but I think the point is that men are being called old maids and hopeless basket cases.

"In your spare time, you play basketball with your buddies, download the latest indie songs from iTunes, have some fun with the Xbox 360, take a leisurely shower, massage some product into your hair and face - and then it's off to bars and parties"

um, and what's wrong with this? why do men or even women have to grow a plutonic family? I was under the assumption that being born didn't come with a to-do list.

I would think that having a job, following the golden rule and not being a burden on society was enough to get your in.

What the hell? ANOTHER column I have to read that ignores the possibility that maybe it's not just men but also WOMEN who are disinclined to get married. Jesus. Has that occurred to anyone out there? Anyone?

@noseriously: I know, this is confusing me. I thought I was just reading people (well, people from the U.S.) are getting married at younger ages again for the first time in a long time. Or is it just that they're more immature?

@lisas: If only, cause that would be some tasty good emailing for us to attack. I can tell you, though, that this amazing catch of a guy did pitch a live tantrum and threw the world "selfish" her way more than once, and said that she didn't buy it for him because "she didn't care if he has a good time", and "doesn't want him to have fun". Ladies, line up, cause he's available!!! Pacifier not included!!!

@blondegrlz: Oh, well then, I am 100% on board with calling men old maids. Carry on!

I also think some of this late marriage stuff comes from so many people in my generation being turned off of marriage by their parents' failed relationships. If all you've ever seen is divorce, marriage might not sound that great.

i'm 22 and my (pot-smoking, music-playing, marginally-employed) boyfriend is 26. right around the time we hit the one-year mark, people started asking me if we are talking about marriage yet .... FUCK NO. we talk about who is sitting on the remote and whose turn it is to go get the take-out. i mean, seriously, people. then i realized it's because people see him as being "close to 30" and therefore prime marrying age. scary thought, really.

@Pancakelover: Well, of COURSE women want to get married by 25. Their uteri are crying out to procreate.

@titania1285: No shit. I'm 20 and I feel like I get that all the freaking time. Why can't they just be happy with the sexing? Maybe I have freaky pheromones that attract the commitment lovers. Can I get a transplant?

@neuroticcharm: It actually sucks worse than you think.

'Cause there are a LOT of stats (going back to that Harvard-Yale study that showed that 30+ women were more likely to be killed by a terrorist than married) that show that the happiest people are:

1) married men and
2) single women.

So IMO, the whole thing is a huge con so that women will act against their own self-interests to "Serve Man."

Now that doesn't address why we fall for it en masse (other than the fact that you're made to feel like a pariah by both men and women as a single woman and social ostracism can be a very powerful tool, working on the limbic system), but ...

btw, I live on at a construction camp with 1000 men. I play softball with my buddies, am a gym rat, play xBox 360, download music from iTunes, take many leisurely showers, massage product into my hair and face etc. etc. I'm not fussed about getting married or having a commitment.

it's not just the men. good times.

@Lizawithazee: Dah! Science is passing lies again! Somebody take her outside and smack her!

No, wait, I'll do it.

I read that the median age for women to get married (for the first time) was 3 years younger in 2002.

@coisepants: then again, i can't really be grumpy because 2 months after dumping his ass, i started dating my boyfriend. that was 3.5 years ago.
but, boyfriend doesn't insult me. and likes sexy times. and doesn't want to get hitched. so it's a win-win-win situation.

hahaha, I linked to this article in a computer irc chatroom I frequent (which is mostly guys, of course). You have never seen a group of men more fired-up and defensive. They took a break from talking about boobies and WoW to savage the author of this piece...you would not BELIEVE how pissed they were.

I was all, "/me sits back to watch men worry about their function in society...FOR ONCE".

It was awesome. I like to kick a hornet's nest every now and then.

/evilmode

Forget men and their weirdness; I'm just grieving all over again that thirtysomething was cancelled.

@LadyNo: I know seeing a lot of couples in my family divorce definitely tempers any desire I have to get married.

Let's see...between two sets of grandparents, three aunts, and one uncle, there's a grand total of seven divorces in my family. If you add in relatives by marriage, there's a couple more. Good times!

@dosido: omg defensive how? i hardly know any regular guys. what did they say?

@petuniacat: I should add - that's one divorce per person who's been married. The one aunt who isn't divorced has never been married. I guess I should have left her out of the tally.

Bottom line, I think, is that some people would prefer to face the world as part of a team (no judgment if you prefer to be solo). And we are no longer FORCED into marriage as our only option and babaymaking and staying home as our only career aspirations. So yeah, some of us are waiting to marry, some of us prefer cohabiting, some prefer non monogamous coupling. Whatev. Its more options for us, not a reason to panic. That said, I do think men are babies until they are nearly FORCED not to be.

Holding off till maturity to get married is a sign of maturity.

@itstherooo: going back to that Harvard-Yale study that showed that 30+ women were more likely to be killed by a terrorist than married

"That's not true, that statistic is not true. There's practically a whole book on how that's not true."

@LadyNo: The divorce thing is true fo sho. I am one of the only people I know who's parents are still (happily) married.

Oh! And the blonde woman from Thirtysomething is on Brothers and Sisters (greeeeat show) and her real life husband who was the brunette lady's husband (on Thirtysomething) just did a guest appearance.

Lame-o, but I was proud of myself for putting that together.

I can only say that 33 was a great year to get married for me, and 41 for the hubs. I did not have to tell him to say please or thank you or call me if he was going to be late. He plans. He cooks. He is a master badass snuggler.

What was I doing dating 20somethings through college and grad school? I was Lassie. I was pulling idiots out of wells and wondering why we couldn't communicate.

@LadyNo: I also think some of this late marriage stuff comes from so many people in my generation being turned off of marriage by their parents' failed relationships.

Thank you!

I'm one of the only people in my circle of friends with divorced parents (and my dad got a second one!). They all keep telling me, "You'll get married" and I'm thinking, Maybe, but it's going to be the right time and the right person. When I protest, they tell me I'm different. Yes. Instead of being just one of them, I have DNA from BOTH of them, and the values they BOTH raised me with, so by that logic, I'm TWICE as fucked.

Also, my lovely boyfriend is as marriage-phobic as I am and we agree it's due to his parents' divorce, as well.

Yeah, so, I go to church (way up in the choir with the amazing gay organist playing a HUUGE pipe organ) and for the record in case any of you were interested, there are certainly no single young men there. Oh no. Only old men/crazy religious bachelors/young married settled men. So no, they aren't hiding in church either.

@bowlingfordollars: God, I wish I could get married. I would be SO married if I could get married, that one time I got married but it was, um, invalidated notwithstanding.