Hey Uncle Barry, Guess u have heard on CNN how my mom didnt no which canddate to endor$e in the election but then us Flossberg kidz had a little "Intervention" at teh compound and set her str8. I dont no much about politics but Tati says she read ur book (DOOD! Do you have any pix of you blowing linez in the 80s 4 my Facebook? That wd be the shiz.)
Anyways my sis Rose also deserves sum of the credit; she bought her one of those Obama 4 Yo Mamma T-shirts from the Harvard Square Urban. For some reason my mom didnt like the tshirt and gave it to the au pair but whatevs. Anyway Uncle Barry, no need to thank me; I kno u would do the same for a fellow G...
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MOE: Good morning Meg. Guess who did not watch the State Of The Union address last night?
MEGAN: One Ms. Tkacik?
MOE: WHAT DID I MISS?
MEGAN: Not a damn thing.
Unless you missed the last 7 years of this Administration.
MOE: Did you catch the frosty moment between you know which presidential contenders????
MEGAN: Wow, damn, that's that woman's whole job.
To avoid that.
I didn't see it, but I was a little occupied.
MOE: I have major problems listening to Bush. It's so embarrassing. Seven years later it's still like, How the shit did that happen? He still talks like the fifth grader running for class president who beats the goody two-shoes girl even though everyone knows he is bullshitting. That's his level of bullshit: FIFTH GRADE. Maybe fourth. It used to infuriate me. Now I just deny deny. Anyway, did you play drinking games or anything?
MEGAN: Well, I drank and I also live blogged it with a couple of guys.
MOE: Whoa, how'd you code that?
MEGAN: Very, very slowly. By the last 45 minutes, I wanted to kill myself, or shoot my computer.
Or both. A murder-suicide.
MOE: Well it looks nice! That reminds me about how a long time ago in the land when we still hoped Gawker Media would make good on such promises, we were supposed to get some special blogging program whereby you could just liveblog or IM with someone in the blogging program and it would CODE AUTOMATICALLY. They also promised us some system that would allow us to resize photos automatically, just by entering the number of pixels we wanted.
THOSE DAYS = SO OVER.
Oh! I thought of something we should discuss last night.
What Tatiana, Rose and John did for the election
The Kennedy Schlossberg children. Oh, and you know what's depressing? The oldest was born in 1988 and that means she's TURNING 20 THIS YEAR.
MEGAN: I'm really, really not prepared for people born in the 90s to be old enough to vote.
But, as for Tatiana, Rose and John, I guess it just goes to show kids that their voices can count... as long as they're from wealthy political families.
MOE: I think it's kind of interesting that parents raising kids these days would listen to their kids' opinions about anything. I mean, no offense to my hypothetical kids, but the odds are stacked against them actually knowing anything at all about anything.
Rose Kennedy Schlossberg looks like she knows how to apply subtle makeup and get her hair blown out, but beyond that...
MEGAN: At this moment, I have to take back what I said about Hillary Clinton not being that funny and her speechwriters not being funny. She gave a speech yesterday which was actually perfect, which I will transcribe for you from CNN:
When this Administration was elected way back in 2001, I don't know about you, but I spent a lot of time yelling at my TV. But, then I realized I was in the Senate and I was going to have to do a little better than that. Some of the things this Administration has done, you couldn't make this stuff up. Turning balanced budgets and surpluses into deficits, getting us into trouble all over the world... And then when the Vice President shot that guy in the face I just though, well, this is it.
Because Dick Cheney shooting someone in the face is actually going to be funny in perpetuity.
So, I would like to apologize for saying she's not that funny. I snickered at that.
MOE: Hahaha that's awesome. I wish I'd heard that on the television! Instead they just cut straight to the part where she was all "IT'S PRESIDENT LEARNING DISABLED'S LAST STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS I DEFY YOU TO SOUND SHRILLER THAN THIS RIGHT NOW HOWARD DEAN."
MEGAN: I tried to YouTube it, but no dice. Her delivery, though, was also perfect.
Oh, wait, go CNN! The start is meh, but she works it,
MOE: Well it was meh at the start because she wasn't specific enough. She could have said... "Starting a war on the basis of weapons that didn't exist and then trying cynically to fight it on the cheap; interrogating, detaining and imprisoning Muslim immigrants with no due process; flying detainees to secret CIA prisons where they could be tortured; propping up murderous dictatorships like Uzbekistan while alienating our European allies," etc. etc. Because she was in the senate
MEGAN: But that might've ruined the joke!
MOE: Not ALL those things. Just I'm over her "turning surpluses into deficits" line already
Give me some new ammo.
MEGAN: But that's Bill's economic legacy!
Yeah, NASDAQ 5000 was bullish for tax revenue.
MOE: I think that's the number one thing that bothers me about the Clintons; they take credit for this "economic legacy" that did not, by and large, leave most Americans with a higher quality of life. For one thing, none of them invented the internet or the technology-aided productivity gains you saw during that time. For another thing, manipulating the market is the same thing as campaigning; it is entirely focused, laserlike!, on short term Wall Street fluctuations. And you know how I feel about Wall Street. (I love it! Really!) But in the post-union era the government needs to BALANCE Wall Street, to regulate it and ponder the possible impacts of this tiny little uberrrich liquidity-obsessed community on the citizenry, not constantly be sucking its ...uh...teat.
I'm sure that's what was going through the mind of Rose Kennedy Schlossberg when she told mom to endorse Obama.
MEGAN: Speaking of Wall Street's giant but ultimately failing teats, there were 405,000 complete foreclosures in 2007, up 75%/
MOE: Although hey what do I know the Heritage Foundation claims there probably won't be a recession.
MEGAN: Well, if Heritage says it it must be true. Because they would never, say, come out wildly against immigration reform just because their donor base is a bunch of foaming-at-the-mouth anti-immigrant right-wingers despite economic evidence that immigration can have positive economic benefits.