Magazines! You know they're all just glossy insecurity factories trying to suck your time away, but sometimes their cover lines are soooooooo tempting. Not to mention misleading! In "Cover Lies," Jezebel assistant/intern Maria and Cheryl rewrite the newsstand's magazine covers to better reflect the stories within.

Okay, ELLE: are you outsourcing your cover line writing to a literacy class or something? Because, like, whoever wrote them obviously faked reading the stories. Thank the lord for us! And it's too long a name even for your tiny fonts, but we found a theme: you could totally call it the "Gratuitous Irrelevant Yet Self Aggrandizing Revelation Issue!" Like, we learned in a story about how Holly Millea was so insecure about her old hands that she got potentially-lethal surgery on them and that she has the "vagina of a teenager." Her gyno says so! Also, she's a size four. And speaking of size, writer Min Katrina Lieskovsky is a whopping 130 pounds. (And she dates models. How does she do it?!) More lies revealed after the jump.

Image by Cheryl Campbell

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