Wow. We never had costumes like that when I danced. We never had abs like that either.

I can't look at that picture, the toes scare me.

Where the heck do they buy these dresses from?

HA! Big Thigh Country!

Besides that: cannot compute the costumes. Everyone looks like a haggard Fraggle.

Um, wow?

WOW, that was A LOT of thigh. I've had 235% of my daily recommended allowance of thigh.

PLEASE tell me the woman whose name is Maggie Ireland did Irish dance as her talent. Because it certainly looks like it from the shoes.
And is pageant life THAT hard?? Some of these women look so much older than their real ages.

As a belly dancer, I have to say that I disagree with the broad implication that belly dancing is slutty and ballet is not. However, dance has opened my eyes to whole new worlds of crazed cheesiness. It seems that dancers, even more than other types of artists, have no shame. As a result I am often gloriously amused.

I think Miss Montana's talent was proving to the judges her hymen is still intact.

Oooh, I had so much fun yesterday, I made notes for today. I'm such a dork.

If I had Miss Rhode Island's abs, I'd walk around in nothing but a bra on top all the time.

I'm more concerned about Miss Montana's one dark (DARK) calf than her thighs and how much I saw of them (although they are nice and muscly).

Miss North Carolina's dress obviously is in support of her Tar Heels.

And, Jen, did you reference a Streets song in your Miss Hawaii comments? 2,438 cool points to you if you did.

Those are all some poorly dressed ladies. What's worse is I think they spent all kinds of money on their outfits to look that bad.

Now I will be singing Rrrrrooooooooooxanne! You don't have to put on the red light for the rest of the damn week.

@westendgirl: HAHA

Grace Gore from Tennessee? Please tell me she is somehow related to Al. A many times removed niece or something?

@ridgegirl: I took a belly dancing class once. It was very hard. But the best part was this rather goofy woman who that that it was a ballet class. She read "belly" and thought people just were pronouncing it different, like "bellay." True story.

Kristen Mantooth? Is she related to Dorothy? That woman is a SAINT!!!

@badmutha: um that would be "Thought that"

@blondegrlz: or Wes?

"It's made with bits of real panther so you know it's good"

If this was really Miss AMERICA and not some hokey patriarchal conformity exercise, they'd have a beer bong contest, keg stands, etc.

@triedandtrue: It has to be Irish dance, I'm 90% sure those are hard shoes. And I can't fathom any other situiation that would put her in that physical position.

But really... if you're name is Ireland and you're doing Irish dance why not go all the way and make your talent "living stereotyope?" She should be pounding back pint after pint of stout, singing Danny Boy, cursing the English, eating a potato, and praying the roasry all at once.

@kellyhelene: Now that's what I'm talking about!

@notaclevername: 60% of the time...it works everytime.

@kellyhelene: HA!! love the idea!

Sing sing sing, dance dance dance, PIANO!

Tedious.

What's really bad about Miss Illinois is she was singing "These Boots Were Made For Walkin'" and some bitch not only stole her boots, but her feet as well. Those pageant ladies are crazy!

@lalaland13: Damnit. I meant Miss Massachusetts.

"This dress has a vagina"

Dodai, you kill me. God bless Dodai (and no one else)!

@kellyhelene: In green, whilst eating Lucky Charms. Wearing tights with little shamrocks! Maybe she should also recite excerpts from Angela's Ashes.

Belly dancers Holla!

Is Miss Idaho wearing Control Top hose? (Idaho = the piano "talent" one.)

@dingosmom1: if not Angela's Ashes, then selected readings of James Joyce.

@rhesusflunky: The red dress piano "talent" one.

@rhesusflunky: I knew exactly who you meant. That was the secnd thing I noted about her (other than that terrible curtain on her butt).

Also, I've totally been watching the TLC show, and these ladies learned absolutely nothing. Sigh.

@callheralaska: I've been watching it too. I mistakenly believed that all involved wanted to update this antiquated farce, but apparently not. Old habits die hard.

Please oh please let Kayne from Project Runway be responsible for some of this! The kid needs work.

Do ANY of them have normal outfits? Are you hiding them? How can every single one of them look so hideous? This boggles my mind. I feel like someone had to at least look cute by accident.

All the money, they spend, and they never seem to get beyond cheap Las Vegas bride.

LOVELY... #2 LOOKS LIKE A STRIPPER!

The ballerina dressed as the scarlet harlot really thought she was performing in the peep booth for Bret Michels. That's all. She was confused.

@ridgegirl: Yes, this is true of ballroom as well, of all things, and latin even more so. I believe that dance couples are more relaxed with the opposite sex and hence with sex in general.

TGY, Dance: The Last Free Mating Ritual