Matthew McConaughey ALWAYS thinks you're saying 'high'.

Excellent deconstruction of the cover! Hah, thanks.

And when you say "like we fake having new ideas" you mean "like we fake our orgasms", yes?

HA! It's touchingly naive that Glamour might think an interview with the Chimp-In-Chief and his zombie bride would sell copies. Awww, Glamour, you're so cute when you try and be political.

I have 3 minute hair today. It does NOT look like Kate Hudson's.

Great faux cover - if only editors we so honest!

As for "There are hot black-and-white photos of ... Will Arnett ... " Am I the only person thinks he is not at all attractive? Seriously. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I know my Jezzie compatriots can!

"Just kidding, but here's more crap to buy." Not only makes me laugh out loud every time I go back and read it, but is true of basically every feature in every magazine like this. Y'all are brilliant.

@hamsterpants: Stick to the awesome secret of the man-nipples, where you belong.

I thought you said "pies."

Omar Epps. Yum.

@rhody: it's actaully just a "new" way to wear a ponytail. thrilling

The Bush interview was like, 4 pages from the very back.

He's looking old.

@rhody: Ha ha! I have three minute hair today, too. And unfortunately that is evidenced by 1) headphone hair across the top (job hazard) and 2) a little cowlick in back like Opie.

Atrrrrrrrac-tive!

He was moving his hand towards her crotch, but she stopped him in time. That, or he was checking her pocket for a spliff.

@StrawBerryShortCake: Is it the ponytail held together by a pen trick? If so, I am totally ahead of the game.

@hamsterpants: It's funny how I can tell which girls have been reading Cosmo and its ilk when they go for my nips. And I hate having my nipples played with. It's not like it feels bad or something; it's more like it feels like nothing. But they get all into it like it's gonna give me the orgasm of my life. And then I have to guide 'em away. And then I have to worry about what other ridiculous sexual maneuver I'm in for. Fuckin mags.

I'm getting this magazine for some reason (I did not subscribe to it), and I was sorta excited because I thought the habits to protect yourself was going to be an article on physical protection, as in "vary your routine," or "have your keys out before you get to your car."

This issue was pretty boring, IMHO. I spent more time reading this month's Nylon, and there's ardly anything to read in Nylon.

The funny thing is, all the good stuff on their ugly website is right up front--big picture of Laura Bush, man who didn't eat for a week to understand his wife's battle with anorexia, the entire retarded transcript of Kate Hudson and Mr. Owns-No-Shirts...not that print is dead or anything.

are the hot black and white photos online? i don't want to have to actually buy Glamour.

@rhody: I was SO proud of myself when I figured that trick out for myself when I was about fifteen. It even impressed boys at that age.

@KimberleeJ: were you a Jane subscriber? i remember reading when it folded that people were going to get Glamour for the remainder of their subscription if they didn't cancel.

Hey, McConaughey, 1991, he wants his outfit back.

Hey, Kate Hudson, you suck.

@meaghan2k: FUCK. 1991 CALLED, MCCONAUGHEY. I HOPE THIS DOESN'T PREVENT YOU FROM GETTING THE MESSAGE.

@mbprice: Now that's the kind of useful male advice they should print in these magazines!

@meaghan2k: If it's any consolation, I read you loud and clear and laughed anyway. And then laughed again at the correction.

Kate Hudson, indeed, sucks. I haven't watched any of her movies since Almost Famous.

@LadySkittlehattington: Okay good as long as someone laughed. It's been a long day at the office.

I just can't stand her. I don't know what it is. I think it's because when I saw Elvis Costello in Central Park a few years ago she was backstage and I could see her (Chris Robinson opened for Elvis) and it was just driving me nuts.

Glamour's fixated on heart disease. It's their pet project. I'm almost hoping for a heart attack just so it remains relevant to my life. Bwahaha...just kidding...I'm letting my subscription lapse regardless of the state of my coronary arteries.

Three minute hair? It's called dry shampoo, ladies, and I highly recommend it. You spray it on, wait two minutes and then run a brush through your hair.

@mbprice: Ummm...really? Guys don't like to have their nipples licked? *hides* Is this all guys?

Tracy Morgan: I Do Not Think He Is Still Off the Alcohol?

@MakeMeSmile: Well, i dunno haha. I'm sure some guys like it. If he gets into it, then yeah, he probably does. Just my own personal preference, I suppose.

@MakeMeSmile: My man loves it, but they're pierced.

@meaghan2k: I'm the same way. Just the sight of her annoys me. I think maybe it's because she started out on a track to be a legitimately respected actress and then made a series of stupid romantic comedies that involved tripping over things hijinx. How original!

@mbprice: You mean, you don't like scrunchies tied around your dick?

@langtry: i don't mind will arnett. hell, he was one of the best things from "arrested development." but yeah, uh, SEX SYMBOL? i guess i would do him cuz he's funny, but his name ain't written all over my jackrabbit, nah mean?

@meaghan2k: @LadySkittlehattington: not to sound catty, but she's a bitch in real life, too. i dislike her immensly.

@meaghan2k: Dear lord, I don't know what I'd do! Like, if things were proceeding normally and then all of a sudden a scrunchie appeared and was headed for my dick? I guess I'd ask what she thought she was doing, but from reading this website I'd already know perfectly well... I think I'd have to ask her to leave/excuse myself from the situation. I just... no. No, I couldn't deal with that.

Ok, maybe if Maggie Gyllenhall wanted to.

i've taken to buying men's magazines, (Details is very good actually), i just can't bear this shit.

@bananaballs: Really, really, really not surprised one bit. I never bought the "I'm just a lil sweetie" act.

@bananaballs: Well, you are missing out. I love Will Arnett. The voice. The chest. I just want him to read the menu to me all sexy-like. "...with club sauce"

@mbprice: I think girls use scrunchies on guys dicks because they can't really use them in real life, they're a fashion faux pas, so what better place to put them than on your johnson?!?

@spectatertot:

Yes, I was. Mystery solved, thank you!

Man, I almost wish it had been ANY other mag than Glamour. Like, Marie Claire would have been ok.

@meaghan2k: Your hair will not live vicariously through my cock!!!

@MakeMeSmile: I live with a man who happens to LOVE it. So I think it's man-specific.

@mbprice: DAMMIT.

@TheFormerJuneBronson: Not to defend Glamour or anything, but women + heart disease = seriousness. Be aware of family history (I'm 50 percent fucked), eat your fiber and get some exercise. And if you're a smoker, try to quit (or at least cut back). I want to read y'all's comments when I'm 80. **smooches!**

OK, now, down to business. I hate women's magazines, but I'm going to resume working out and I need something relatively mindless to read while I'm on the bike. It used to be Jane (sniffle) but there doesn't seem to be a good alternative. Any good mags with lots of pictures and not a lot of text that will occupy my 30 minutes of cardio 3 times a week so I don't have a heart attack at 40?

@mbprice: comment of the day. (Sorry, DorothyZbornak).