Coffee: Causes Miscarriage, Helps Ovaries, And Makes You Fat

Okay, remember the reports earlier this week that coffee and caffeine can terminate a pregnancy and protect ovaries from cancer? Well, news reports today suggest that all that java is making women fat. A report issued by British consumer watchdog group Which? says that "a Starbucks large white chocolate mocha with whipped cream and made with whole milk was found to contain 628 calories - nearly a third of the recommended daily amount for women." (Emphasis ours.)

And you know what happens following all that coffee-related weight-gain? Rates of miscarriage and ovarian cancer fatalities increase! But! Coffee helps prevent gallstones and decrease asthma attacks! But it can also increase fibrocystic changes in the breasts and cause acid reflux! Oh my god we're all going to DIEEEEEEEEEEEE. (Though, have you tried those new $1 cups of Joe at Starbucks. So cute and small!)

Coffee: The Good, The Cheap And The Fattening [Guardian]
Women And Coffee: How Many Cups A Day? [MSNBC]

Earlier: Coffeee Causes Miscarriage, Except When It Doesn't
Coffeee Causes Miscarriage But Prevents Ovarian Cancer
Why Coffee Shops Should Discriminate Against Women