Oh yes! Finally John Mayer will tell me why all guys aren't assholes!

This cover represents everything that is wrong with everything.

I know it's been said before, but that dress is like reinterpetation of a vagina made out of pink seatbelts

I love the "fun fearless female" shit. I makes me think of someone farting in an elevator and then laughing and pointing at someone else.

What, you guys don't like woman on top?

Speaking of Katherine Heigl it's the week after 27 Dresses opened and not one post about it? I saw it and Teeth this weekend and enjoyed them both more than Cloverfield and all three of them were about genre cliches.

Hmm, now that you mention it that dress does seem like a large, fruity ribbed-condom...

haha patronizing a$$hole, oh man I couldn't have said it better myself!
*continues laughing*

Please tell me about the "3 Ways to Embarrass Yourself." I haven't read Cosmo for years and I am intrigued.

One them has to be a finger up the butt.

@hamburgerhotdog: Oh God, and now you made me think of the vagina puppet on Tyra.

*laughs*

@hortense: agreed. whoever designed this needs to implode.

@hamburgerhotdog: HAHAHA. Vag dress.

Arouse Him Like Crazy, or, rephrasing that same article about getting a guy off for the 23178th time

*applause*

I love it.

LOL @ "Nighttime beauty tips because we know you sleep alone". Tremendous.

"What Major Should You Choose?"

-Three out of five GUYS(!!) say history majors turn them on!

If they tell me one more time that massaging my guy's nipples is the key, I'm going to scream.

This illustrates my biggest complaint about sex articles in women's magazines: they're all about how to get HIM off. And the men's magazines just offer tips to GET a girl to get HIM off.

Phallic-centric sex indeed.

@sheistolerable: Before this article, I didn't even know that the woman on top position existed. Thanks, Cosmo!

@Archetype: I'm sure another one has something to do with handling his testicles in a way they should probably never be handled.

Katherine Heigl: We Airbrushed Everything...Except Her Snaggle-tooth ('cuz we're bitches like that)!

You totally left out a Cosmo fave:

This Woman Was Just Like You!
AND NOW SHE'S DEAD
An investigative report

I can't find scrunchies at any of the stores in my town. Can I replace it with a hairclip?

Favorite ever Cosmo article was basically "10 ways to turn on your man," one of which was, and I am not kidding here, to walk around naked. Unsurprisingly, guys like naked chicks. In the same issue were tales of surprise orgasm, to which I must say: I can has?

This is awesome and hilarious!

@heathermylove: If she was sitting on the cooter couch from last week she'd look like a disembodied head.

I have never once slept with a guys who had any interest in nipple action. At all. They get creeped out to the max. Stick to the dick, that's my motto.

@hamburgerhotdog: It's like a sausage casing to me.

Ugh, I had a Cosmo subscription for years until last August, when I finally realized that their brand of "feminism" was nothing more a way to beat women down about their looks, wardrobe, relationships, etc. I had enough of their ridiculous fashion spreads, ludicrous relationship advice and crazy exercise tips, but the final straw was when I read an article that blamed women when their boyfriends cheat by saying "maybe you weren't acting jealous enough." Like when Tori Spelling's husband left his first wife to marry Tori Spelling, they actually said that because his wife encouraged him to be nice to Tori, instead of being jealous and controlling, it was partly her fault he left. Gah!!! I also never liked the fact that they constantly tried to make women feel like they were in imminent danger at all times. There was always one "You could die!!!" article every month. Yuck.

So the John Mayer thing . . . does he explain why ALL men aren't assholes, why all men aren't ASSHOLES, or why all men are NOT assholes?

I'd like to read one of those articles, but it's probably not the one in the magazine.

@hamburgerhotdog: Last time I criticized that dress, some troll called me fat and ugly. It was like 5 hours after the post but it still made me angry all evening. It really does look incredibly uncomfortable.

wait, what's "his g-spot" ? are they making this up? or does this involve a questionably-placed finger?

there was a time that i wanted so badly to work at Cosmopolitan and even went on an interview. Thank you, Nicole, for not believing I was fun and fearless enough to work for you.

100% of anything isn't anything.

@pferde_schwanz: It's usually called a p-spot, and yes.

@ladyno: My boyfriend dislikes nipple action in the extreme because it's his tickle spot and makes him laugh like a tiny french girl.

@Jeremy: wonderful.

@hamburgerhotdog: Agree! I believe last time a pic of it was up, I called it a vagina dress. Someone else said it looked as though it was made from the skin of an earthworm, which is also an apt description.

A Cosmo subscription is the female equivalent to a set of ninja swords.... a sure fire way to stay single for a long time!

@blondegrlz: You know they had to talk her into wearing that shit. I bet the assistant threatened to take away her cigarettes until she put it on and took at least two or three pictures.

Yep, GHB and roofies sure are "wacky!"

As a male, I enjoy reading the covers of Cosmo to get a good laugh while waiting in supermarket lineups. But I enjoyed the snarky comments even more.

As for the 30 billion ways to get a man off? What the hell's so complicated about it? No, seriously. Women? Well, I've found it to be a rather steep learning curve (but fun.)

Note to John Mayer. We males are all assholes, but it's a matter of degree and timing of our assholishness.

@blondegrlz: That dress sucks. Notice how few women wear them outside of photo shoots. That dress will find any bit of less-than-firm flesh on any woman and exaggerate the hell out of it. Don't even get me started on the horizontal striping.

Uhhhhhhh. *drool slips out*

Eye iz dummer nowe?

(major props)

@pferde_schwanz: yup, my roommate has said issue of cosmo.

@petuniacat: I think it looks like ace bandages...although if it's really Harve Ledger, then it's called the "bandage dress" so I guess that's the idea?

@BiscuitDoughJones: What about the ripping? I'd be afraid to sit down in it, for fear that it would tear at each of its 57 seams and leave my ass hanging out in the cold!

@blondegrlz: DIY bandage dress coming to ivillage any day now!

@notaclevername: That's a tough one, because having a dude laugh like a little French girl is a total turn on, right?