Jezebel
Last night's Hannah Montana: Best of Both Worlds concert in Hollywood featured a proper red carpet... And crappy red carpet fashion. Hannah Montana, in case you've been living under a rock, is the Disney Channel-conceived alter-ego of Miley Cyrus, daughter of Billy Ray "Achy Breaky Heart" Cyrus, and tween girl idol. On the show, Miley plays a girl named Miley (whoa: meta) who is really rock star Hannah Montana, but keeps her performance identity a secret, so as to live a "normal life" as a high school dork. Which is why the theme song declares that Miley/Hannah has the best of both worlds. Unfortunately, everyone in both worlds is poorly dressed! Maybe it's better to look hideous at a ridiculous event, to diffuse the horror of being there? Decide for yourself with the good, the bad, and the ugly, after the jump.
The Good:
We're willing to overlook our terror that 14-year old Miley Cyrus looks about 24 since, she's the best-dressed person here. And her vag is covered. And mentioning it is depressing.
You know what else is depressing? We're starting to think that the Jonas Brothers are sorta cute.
Vanessa Williams' outfit isn't exactly perfect (um, metallic boots), but giant sweater coats are great. And so are shamed former Miss Americas who came back with an even more successful music career and TV stint on Ugly Betty.
The Bad:
Apparently Ashley Edner is a 19-year old tween sorta-star. Perhaps her middling fame can be blamed on her unfortunate leggings/goth girl dress combo?
Someone ought to inform Samantha Harris, host of Dancing with the Stars, that it is best to remove your coat before having your photo taken.
Miley's parents Billy Ray and Trish Cyrus: Scary. Trish's eyes look dead. And Billy Ray is wearing leather gloves on the red carpet. Ay.
Mixing silver and gold jewelry is fine. But a gold dress with silver shoes on High School Musical's Ashley Tisdale? Not right.
The Ugly:
Listen, we love Lisa Rinna for her performance as Lynn Echolls on Veronica Mars. Also, during Fashion Week, she told us that she's had big boobies and small boobies and always wants what she doesn't have. And we thought that was kinda hilarious. But we cannot forgive this terrifying leopard print and wide-legged jeans ensemble.
[Images via Bauer-Griffin.]
Comments
ASHLEY TISDALE WHERE IS YOUR NOSE? WHERE OH WHERE IS YOUR NOSE? ITS AS BIG AS A BARBIE (actual size)
I refuse to hear unkind words about Vanessa Williams.
Clearly Lisa Rinna was dressed by Dolce and Gabbana.
Um, there's a perfectly valid reason for Ashley Edner's lack of fame but I will not be so cruel as to point it out.
Hannah Montana=Teen Jem, huh?
I want the REAL JEM.
I think Miley is actually 15 now (hangs head in shame for knowing that. . .)
The logic of Hannah Montana bothers me to such a point that I just want to rip my hair out. HOW DO PEOPLE NOT RECOGNIZE HER IN HER SCHOOL. IF HANNAH IS SUCH A BIG MOTHERFUCKING STAR, HOW CAN SHE BE SUCH A "DORK" IN SCHOOL? ARE THE PEOPLE AROUND HER THAT FUCKING STUPID?
Plus, I really hate Miley Cyrus. Painfully.
I miss The Famous Jett Jackson.
Perhaps Samantha Harris declined to remove her coat because said coat is fricking AWESOME. Covet, covet.
1. that top photo is going to come undead, stagger around my bedroom at night and eat my unborn babies. she got her mother's eyes, I see.
2. I had NO idea she was billy ray's kid. in 5th grade gym class they taught us how to do the Achy Breaky Heart. I was all like YEE-HAW, I'm line dancing! and then never did it again.
More terrifying than the leather gloves is the highlighted, flat-ironed hair.
@meaghan2k: Clark Kent Syndrome.
She's not just a tween girl idol. She's my idol too. I feel so much better now that the world knows.
Is it a Hannah Montana concert or a Miley Cyrus concert? Who are the Jonas Brothers? When did I turn 65?
I thought Billy Ray Cyrus was Keith Urban gone chubby and his wife was Raisin Face Zoe.
I love that one episode of Billy Ray Cyrus' reality show where it was Miley's Birthday, and the Soup did a re-cap of how many times Bliiy Ray had to name-drop his own mealticket-i mean kid- on the show. This family is going down the celebrity tube any day now.
rinna looks good. that's her steez, yo. i think she works it.
@Meaux: yeah, uh...I dress like that pretty much daily. guess that makes me unfashionable. meh.
@meaghan2k: Maybe she wears glasses and a ponytail. And perhaps overalls? I have no idea, I refuse to care.
@Meaux: ditto.
There are so many bad things going on here that I don't know where to begin. I shall have to think on it.
It's so creepy that these kids look nothing like kids. She also has a deep voice, which was mesmerizing when she was on Oprah. Why does a 14/15 year old need that much makeup, I kept asking myself. And why does she sound like she's 40??
@cupcakesofdeath: Dude, we did the same thing! So weird...
@meaghan2k: I think they have different colored hair.
@jenndavo: I know, I know. I just hate her. I hate her voice and her face and I'm much more willing to believe people can't distinguish Clark Kent/Superman because of a PAIR OF GLASSES than believe Miley Cyrus is a star. I hate her so much I don't make any sense.
Creeps me out that Miley is 15. Seriously, she looks 22 at least!
Are tween boys really donning ascots nowadays? I'm not sure whether I like it or not. I just may dig it.
@ineffable.me: Well, I guess if it works for Lindsay, it must work for Hannah Montana.
i think i might steal vanessa williams' awesome sweater, throw on some sweat pants, and take a nap.
and yes, it's not even 9:30 and i'm already day dreaming about nap time.
Oh, and that leggings girl looks just like the girl who wore Victorya's prom dress on Project Runway. The one who made the unfortunate peace sign when she got to the end.
@Trillian: well you said it first, and better. ;)
@jobsworth: And that he has succumbed to the middle-aged man fat head syndrome, a la Alec Baldwin and John Travolta. Wherefore do their heads expand so?
Her eyes looks demonic. Like there are no pupils, and she's just sucking the life out of everyone and telling them to buy her tickets for $2,000. She is an evil witch, that Miley Cyrus.
@blackbirdfly: oh jesus i know, how bad was that peace sign?! Although it was nice to see some girls acting age appropriate on TV ya know? If i was a frienemy of hers i would have taped that episode and just watched that part over and over.
@meaghan2k: hahahaha. exactly.
@Trillian: did you go to my school?? or maybe that was a universal thing in 1995.
@ineffable.me: she doesn't even look better than before the nose job. deviated septum, my tushie.
C'mon people. You're trying to find logic in the plot of a show for 8-year olds. If Rio could not figure out that he was cheating on his girlfriend with his own girlfriend on Jem, these kids can believe Miley is not recognizable in school.
is it wrong that I love Lisa Renna's outfit?
I'll admit I have no beef with Hannah Montana. It might be because my lil' sis worships her so, but she seems like a relatively normal kid, on Oprah anyway. It's a bit creepy that she looks so old, but I think it's the hair (yikes, black?!) and the makeup. What does gross me out is the people pimping 2 tickets to her concert for $1500...
Ohhhhhhh Hannah Montana.
I was forced to watch an episode of it last night by my boyfriend who, surprisingly, likes it and thinks its funny. After ten minutes of hokey gags and jokes, I chucked my book at the TV and had to leave the room. Naturally, I Wikipedia-ed Miley and her real name is Destiny Hope Cyrus. I'm pretty sure it should've been "Paycheck Cyrus" instead because Billy Ray is pimping her out for all its worth.
Arrrrghhhhh.
@Pinkosaurus: I know there is no logic to the show. It's just that if I didn't believe that Miley was the spawn of Satan, I would have an easier time accepting the bullshit nature of the show.
@thenwemadeout: How do their skulls expand?? Seriously!
What two worlds was this the best of? Can I never have to go to either one?
My 5 year old granddaughter LOVES her. Not my idea, not my fault, just sayin'. She goes "HannahMontana! Hannah Montana!" in this piercing voice, I can't tell if it's peer pressure or what. It's freakin' adorable when she sings the songs into a hairbrush though.
At my work, there is a fat man who smells like Love's Baby Soft and has pictures of Vanessa Williams from every decade plastered over his entire cubicle. It totally weirds everyone out. I'm going to check every now and then to see if this one makes the cut. It will be a fun game, fun like a nightclub!
@bananaballs: Yeah, she does. It's a little 1998, but I'm fine with that.
@KathrynwithaY: her real name is destiny hope cyrus? oh my god, that is SO wrong. i no longer dislike this girl and everything she stands for, i pity her. she never had a chance.
@meaghan2k:
The Famous Jett Jackson was the shit. end of story. I watched that thing like it was my job. sigh, too bad all shows now are crap. I blame Lizzy McGuire, she started it all
also, I think her eyes are beautiful. Here's hoping her parents don't pimp her out...more.
Billy Ray's hair (and soul patch-I hate those with an unending passion) could be worse--he could still be rocking that long flowing mullet of his Achey Breaky days.
Also, who the fuck are the Jonas brothers? Are they like the brunette version of the Hanson brothers?