While the actual competition and voting aspect of American Idol isn't really our steez, we can't help but love the auditions in the beginning. It's so representative of the freak show that is the American Dream — the quest for (often) talentless fame. Case in point: Alexis Cohen. The Pennsylvania native, who likens her voice to Janis Joplin and Grace Slick (and whom Simon likens her look to Willem Dafoe), admits that she marches to a beat of a different drummer. First of all, her face is painted in so much glitter, that one could probably see the glare of the reflection from outer space, especially if you watched it in HDTV. That shit kind of looked amazing. Anyway, she's one of those delusional people that the producers of AI mock for our entertainment, and she made it easy for them when she bent over and spread her ass cheeks in defiance of Simon Cowell. Clip above.

Contact information for this author is not available.