Hollywood madam and ex-con Heidi Fleiss has grandiose plans to build a fully-sustainable brothel and accompanying "Stud Farm" in the "Prostitution state" of Nevada. It will be powered by the wind. And there's probably a pun in there but I sort of wanted to use the February ELLE story of this lofty endeavor to put my finger to the wind of Jezzie public sentiment about a specific issue: do you think Heidi Fleiss is awesome? (And also: why are sex workers always so wise?) (And also: would you fuck a male whore?) Having dined with Heidi once — she ate the food off my plate and did not appear to puke in the whole evening I spent with her so I was confused as to why she was 80 pounds, but that's neither here nor there — I remember thinking Heidi was a pretty admirable lady. And this story only reinforces that view!

Sure, she's 80 pounds with a face mangled by surgery and she cheated on her taxes. But she has been a kind of amazing hustler ever since she started a middle school baby-sitting ring in high school that became a sort of a precursor to the Madam business. (Did the Baby-sitters Club series inspire a prostitution ring?) "When you walk in Fleiss's front door, you are met by a large white poster of a devilish red man under the words 'Male Aggression Now Playing Everywhere,'" writes ELLE. Also: she lives among a few hundred parrots, was a prison lesbian even though she hates screwing girls, inspired one prison "girlfriend" to get out of the drug business and start her own business, and comes across like a genuinely good person. "Who was it, Oscar Wilde, I think, who said people can adjust to anything. I was perfectly adjusted in the penitentiary, and I was perfectly adjusted to living in a chateau in France," she tells the magazine, in one of the numerous instances you can't help but think "Oh dude wise." Seriously though, a lot of dudes think sex workers have all sorts of fucked-up opinions about men because they only see "clients" but I think this just assumes women are as incapable of appreciating nuance as men are. Sex workers are some of the wisest bitches in this country.

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The Once And Future Madam [ELLE]