Jezebel
"I was using the industry. I used the fashion industry, the whole business, for money, for chicks, for a lifestyle. But I never let them use me. And now they think I'm still desperate for a job, for work. Like I'll do anything. I don't care if I'm never on TV again." Ah, how we love the smell of bitterness in the morning! Especially when it emanates from the lips of the one, the only...Fabio. The "hunk" is profiled in this month's issue of Details magazine, and if you think he's a little pissy about the fashion industry, he's downright disgusted by George Clooney. And what, you might ask, could these two men possibly have to do with one another? Glad you asked!
"According to Fabio," says Details, "Clooney called [Fabio's female] dinner companions — who'd won the date at a charity auction benefiting the California Highway Patrol — names." What names? "Bitches [and] even badder words," says Fabio, who continues:
This guy, he ate more than he could chew. He laid a hand on me, so it would have been self-defense if I had beaten him down. I could have fucked him up. Oh my god, I could have beaten the shit out of him. I was so pissed off. So I go over and I'm like, 'Listen, I will fuck you up.' Right then, I could have knocked him over and beat him. I could have punched him in the face while he was on his back. That's how you really hurt someone — their face can't amortize the punch so it takes, it takes the whole impact. I am still so pissed at him. To insult women like that. He is a dog whose noise is worse than his bite.Such tender words from the man who calls himself "a testosterone machine"! And so sensitive to the needs of women! Take Fabio's tale of losing his virginity at age 14 to a 17-year old girl: "She was telling me 'Don't make me pregnant,' and I was like, 'Don't worry, I don't even have sperm yet.'"
Fabio [Details]
Comments
Fabio: I Can't Believe It's Not Relevant!
"She was telling me 'Don't make me pregnant,' and I was like, 'Don't worry, I don't even have sperm yet.'"
I cry myself to sleep every night wondering why my first time couldn't have been as special as this.
Whaaaa? Fabio, please realize that Clooney is too far out of your league to beef with. I believe Donald Trump may be available for throw-downs though. Maybe Danny Bonaduce?
"...the face can't amortize the punch..."
That's some serious stuff right there. I got punched in the face, once, but I got my banker to amortize it over a thirty-year, 5.5% fixed rate plan. I'm still suffering, but only a little bit at a time.
Fabio still loses at the game of life.
BLECH!! And I don't believe that about Clooney. It just sounds strange.
This word, "amortize", I do not think it means what he thinks it means.
I've never met a "testosterone machine" with man-boobs before. Kudos, Fabio.
@braak: Crap, you beat me.
@mocena: Inconceivable!
@MissSamAdams: as usual, i dont need to say anything because youve said it best.
@braak: That was funny! Great rate too.
Can someone please explain what "amortize" and "punching faces" have to do with one another. My only definition comes from an accounting class, so I must be missing something here...
I'd like to see George Clooney on the cover of a romance novel. Maybe a Regency, in a cravat and those tight pants.
@braak: You said that waaaay better than I was gonna.
"She was telling me 'Don't make me pregnant,' and I was like, 'Don't worry, I don't even have sperm yet.'"
Slick!
I kind of like it that he got all up in Clooney's shit. Team Fabio.
I cannot believe I just typed that.
@braak: Fabio apparently attended the Mike Tyson School of Public Speaking.
I have to admit I think it's kind of cute how he screws up our colloquialisms. But I don't think I want to see a picture of him with his shirt unbuttoned ever again.
@braak: Give me your brain! Too fucking funny!
This is phenomenal. If I was the subject of Fabio's bitter derision, I'd get his derision framed and refer to it whenever I needed a good, hysterical laugh.
"What names? "Bitches [and] even badder words," says Fabio"
oooh, I wonder what those badder words were...
Fabio totally has Real Ultimate Power. His ninja punches are so totally sweet. He's gonna pop the hugest, blackest ninja boner and then go wail on an axe.
"And now they think I'm still desperate for a job, for work. Like I'll do anything. I don't care if I'm never on TV again."
Totes did the "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" commercials for the art.
Put a shirt on! You overgrown gorilla!
Honey. Your high point was "Oh, he's the guy on the Harlequin romance covers." Even if you beat up George, you're still going to suck. Deal with it.
@MissSamAdams: oh man. i read an article about this famous (and disgusting) german magazine for teens that gives sex advice (to, like 15 year-olds), and one question was from a girl asking whether she could be impregnated by her boyfriend who didn't yet ejaculate. filthy mcnasty.
and that fabio quote is great. it pretty much sums him up, don't you think?
@hortense: "I Can't Believe It's Publicity!"
I hear faces have a hard time amortizing birds, too.
@sane_in_berzerkeley: I can assure you that it didn't get any 'badder' than that.
And now they think I'm still desperate for a job, for work. Like I'll do anything. I don't care if I'm never on TV again.
I can't imagine why anyone would think he's desperate for a job after seeing his commercials for insurance and margarine.
@Pinkosaurus: I don't know, Danny has been on The Soup, which earns him major coolass points in my book.
@katastic: "I Can't Believe It's 2008 And People Still Know My Name!"
I can actually picture Clooney being that way. One hell of an ego on that guy.
The past two weeks, I've learned so many things I know I'll end up screaming at random people when I'm drunk "Your face can't amortize this punch!" is on the top of the list.
@pferde_schwanz: More than he realizes.
@hortense: "I Can't Believe I Met George Clooney!"
I bet Fabio got pissed that his "dates" were more interested in taking pictures of George Clooney than engaging in what must have been incredibly stimulating conversation with him.
"'Listen, I will fuck you up"...I read that with the Dana Carvey/Kevin Nealon characters voices from "Pump you up" on SNL.
I still picture Fab here on the roller coaster when his face collided with that bird...good times.
I did a shoot with Fabio a few years ago...and he's actually a really nice guy. He's standing in his garage in that pic and those are all of his motorcycles. He's a huge motorcycle nut. In fact, a couple of our crew guys went biking with him well after the shoot and did so on a fairly regular basis.
He also probably coulda screwed up Clooney pretty bad, he's got all kinds of martial arts training.
@braak: You are hilarious. Foreals.
@braak: "I Can't Believe Women Find Me Attractive!"
@PICKLES_IN_MY_TUNA: Can you believe, of all people, it was Fabio's face that was smashed by a bird??! I know, it's not funny. But it still really, really is.
@bowlingfordollars: I love this story.
@leMaldeTete: I heard the bird died, though. Ripped to shreds.
I can't look at him without seeing him bleeding on that roller coaster.
And Fabio claims he's not desperate for work? What about that god awful reality show he made a few years back?
@braak: That is EXACTLY the first thing I thought when I read that sentence.
@braak: @hortense: "I Can't Believe Women Were In Public With Me In the First Place!"
@MissSamAdams: If looks could kill, he'd be an uzi.
@bowlingfordollars: He might be a nice guy, but he really needs to learn when to let things go.
@katastic: They actually won a contest to go out with him.
@braak: Are we sure the California Highway Patrol didn't send them there as punishment or something? Like cleaning highway latrines, but without the relief of urinal cakes?
@bowlingfordollars: I have to admit I'm kind of intrigued by his punching technique. Something's always seemed "off" to me about George Clooney anyway.
And his career can't amortize his lameness.