Some people just make it too easy, you know? Ridiculing Liz Jones, the Daily Mail columnist who has made a living chronicling the demise of her now ex-husband Nirpal Dhaliwal, calling American women stupid , and detailing her collection of couture clothing, is like shooting fish in the proverbial barrel. Which is not to say that Private Eye, the satirical British magazine, didn't do a bang up job of culling the most ridiculous Liz Jones excerpts from the past few weeks. Jezebel reader Helen sent us some scans of Private Eye's take on Jones's blather "for the shits and giggles as I believe you American ladies, would say." Prepare to shit twice and giggle copiously at Liz's ridiculousness, after the jump.
There were lots of laughable things about Liz's collected columns, but the best has got to be her attitude towards spending. According to Private Eye, "The failure of Nirpal Dhaliwal to spend more than £375 on his gift for wife Liz Jones last Christmas was a major contributing factor in their subsequent separation." I guess £375 is chump change to a woman who spent £585 on a pair of leggings. On 12/31, Jones wrote: "You have to be careful when wearing leggings...I bought a silver pair by Les Chiffoniers for £585 to wear on Christmas day, but made sure I wore them under a sheer chiffon skirt and a gray cashmere sweater."
A mere week later, Jones has this to say about wasting money: "Rare is the school-age child in this country who has ever been allowed to experience hunger...I have a friend with three young children who admits to spending more than £400 a week on food. There is no longer any concept that you might make do towards the end of the week." Are you making do because you spent all the children's food money on leggings?
The next day Jones asks herself, "What will be my number one style resolution for 2008?" The answer: I must look at myself long and hard in a full-length mirror." Maybe this narcissist will never write another column because she'll be so busy gazing at herself! Ah, we can only dream.