Lesbian Rape Is Good For Mankind And Other Heinous Revelations

Welcome back to Missdemeanors, where we issue a virtual spanking to the internet's most popular gossip bloggers for their Crimes Against Womanity. I'm officially and totally back to my typical bad mood so don't worry, there will be no boring awards for the bloggers this week, only ranting feminazism and copious amount of foul language. After the jump, unfair ageism, fantasies of girl on girl rape, and more criticism of Jennifer Love Hewitt. Let the Jezebel Justice System begin.



The Charge: Spreading Traditional aka Misogynistic Marriage "Values"
The Accused: Mario Lavandeira from Perez Hilton
The Evidence: "They better not keep making [Kate Middleton] wait to get engaged. She's not getting any younger!"
Points For Good Behavior: Why do we even have this category? Kate Middleton is 26. Perez seems to think she's almost at that hateful spinster age! I suggest to Perez that he take a good look in the mirror.
The Sentence: This is hard because normally I would wish a life of pathetic miserable loneliness on a person like Perez, but I think he's already got that covered.


The Charge: A Double Whammy: Homophobic Sexism!
The Accused: Sadly unavoidable Drunken Stepfather
The Evidence: "I guess the confusing thing for me is that if a girl gets raped by a dude, she usually can't stomach cock the same way ever again, and turns dyke, so if a girl gets raped by another girl, that would lead to her to loving cock, and that can't be a bad thing, especially if it's your cock she's lovin.....maybe all girls need to get raped by other girls so that more of you can get laid."
Points For Good Behavior:: Wow. This one might take the cake. It's posts like these that kind of make me want to quit this gig and enter into a life of crime...mutilating these bastards, that is.
The Sentence: A visit from the lesbian gangs of which Jesus speaks so fondly.


The Charge: Being A Passive Aggressive Bitch And Also Freezing My Fucking Browser With Her Bullshit
The Accused: BFF Rian from The Skinny
The Evidence: Insinuates that Jennifer Love Hewitt (who we all know falls into the "obese" category on Rian's site) is doing the suck-the-fat-in pose on the red carpet that only really works for super skinny celebs.
Points For Good Behavior:: Rian never comes out and says that she thinks J.Lo.Hew is a fat ass, but it's implied. With a dash of caramel-flavored sarcasm.
The Sentence: That The Skinny gets shut down for being devoid of nutrition and full of empty calories.