Pretty Bitch Jessica Alba Has It All

  • Jessica Alba says, "It's the best time ever. I have two movies coming out, a baby, a fiancé - everything." She also claims her ass is "getting bigger by the second." Is anyone else vaguely annoyed? Maybe it's her name. [People]
  • Britney Spears and paparazzo Adnan Ghalib checked into the Rosarito Beach Hotel just south of the border in Mexico on Wednesday. They shopped; Brit bought a knockoff Gucci purse and Adnan purchased a rosary. His photo agency says they are "happily dating." [People]
  • Oh! Britney and Adnan are back in L.A. That was quick! Please God don't let them have gotten married in Mexico? Kthxbai. [TMZ]
  • Meanwhile, cops found a bite mark and bruises on Britney's son, Jayden James. Federline's bodyguard says the injuries were there before JJ ever got to Britney's house and the bite was from his older brother, Sean Preston, of course. Anyway, a learning-to-walk 1-year-old without bruises would be weird. [Us Magazine]
  • barak [sic] obama is an empty suit selling 'hope' in lieu of Truth... Oprah, you are a closeted republican and chose Barak [sic] Obama because you do not like other women who actually stand for something to working American Women besides glamour, angels, hollywood and dieting!" — Roseanne [Perez Hilton]
  • "Oprah has given us Swartzenegger [sic] and Dr. Phil. If that was not offensive enough to decent thinking people, now she brings us Obama." — Roseanne, again. [MSNBC]
  • Janice Dickinson says her former fiancé, Sylvester Stallone, took steroids — and injected her with them as well. "He juiced me," she told Fox News. "I'd wake up and my arm was as big as Popeye." Ew. And yuck. [Page Six]
  • Producer Scott Storch, once linked to both Lil' Kim and Paris Hilton, seems to be having money problems, and may owe almost half a million dollars in unpaid taxes. Maybe his friends can help? [Page Six]
  • Kate Hudson is "happy being single" and not "interested in guys," says a source. Yes, but how long will it last? [Page Six]
  • Did Oprah's eyes well up with tears while watching the scene in The Color Purple in which two characters find happiness after becoming lesbian lovers? [Page Six]
  • Lady sings the blues: American Idol runner up Katharine McPhee has been dropped from her record label. [Rush & Molloy]
  • Katie Holmes says Suri Cruise is "a very strong woman. She's actually teaching me a lot - probably more than I'm teaching her." Like how to say no to daddy? [People]
  • Rosie O'Donnell has made up with her frenemy Elisabeth Hasselbeck. They've been emailing and Rosie sent EH a baby gift. [People]
  • A man who was trying to extort a million dollars from Tom Cruise for copies of the actor's stolen wedding pictures has been sentenced to two years probation. [Reuters]
  • Wesley Snipes made $37.9 million from 1999 to 2004 but failed to file his income taxes, uh-oh. The IRS does not mess around and Snipes will be on trial for tax fraud. [Reuters]
  • The photographer Nicole Kidman testified against in December is still following her around; he's been snapping pix of the pregnant star in Sydney this week and says, "So what." Jeez. [Sydney Morning Herald]
  • The man who was found naked in Nicolas Cage's L.A. home in October has been ordered to six months of drug rehab. [Reuters]
  • And Nic just sold that house, for a record $35 million. Bad memories? [WSJ]
  • Kanye West wants the 150 inch plasma screen TV seen at the Consumer Electronics Show. Who doesn't? [MSNBC]