Because of the writer's strike, last night's 'People's Choice Awards' were shot "on location," which is an unconvincing euphemism that means that stars accepted awards via satellite so that no one had to cross a picket line, etc. And while we could care less about who exactly "the people" chose to anoint as winners of this round of entertainment industry awards, we were sorta devastated to be denied the opportunity to put stars through the ringer in regards to their sartorial choices. So we decided to play a little game of make believe! After the jump, the looks we would have put on last night's big winners. Ladies of Hollywood: Ditch Rachel Zoe — let us style you instead?
Drew Barrymore: Favorite Leading Lady, 'Music and Lyrics'
We are more than a little tired of seeing Drew Barrymore play her "OMG-I-Am-Such-A-Hippie-But-Also-I-Come-From-A-Famous-Family-So-That-Somehow-Doesn't-Make-Me-A-Poser" card. A Which is why we would put her in British designer Jonathan Saunders (who frequently dresses the always beautiful, if not frequently frighteningly thin, Thandie Newton) futuristic sportswear-goes-night time. We think this would make Drew look chic, cool, not smell like patchoulli, and will keep her knockers in place, to boot.
Rihanna: Favorite R&B Song - 'Shut Up and Drive"
Enough already with Rihanna's legs, which she reportedly had insured for like a gajillion dollars. All her talk about how she's a young woman in flux and needs to express her bad girl side? Bullshit. We think she needs to learn how to express her minimalistic side. If she really wants people to "Shut Up and Drive," she should step into this sleek Francisco Costa-designed Calvin Klein number: That'll get 'em listening.
Ellen DeGeneres: Favorite Talk Show Host
Yeah, yeah, we know that Ellen wears the pants. And only the pants. But we'll poke our eyes out before we see her in yet another pantsuit with broad lapels and flared legs. Why not mix up the silhouette with these high-waisted, wide-legged trousers by Abaete? They're so sexy, all Ellen has to worry about is having main squeeze Portia di Rossi steal them from her — and not waiting 'til Ellen's done accepting her award to do so.
Katherine Heigl: Favorite TV Female Star
Katherine Heigl seems to have found her groove in sticking to classic, old-school, glamour-girl looks. And while she always looks pretty, it's starting to get a little boring. Girlfriend needs to know you can look glam and still look a little, well, weird. Which is why we are dying to get her into one of Miuccia Prada's giant patterned skirts she showed for spring. We suggest, however, that Katherine invest in a better bra than the model shown here and skip the scary tights and shoes, too.
Reese Witherspoon: Favorite Female Movie Star
Reese Witherspoon is someone else suffering from "Pretty-Girl-Who-Plays-It-Safe" syndrome. And we know she is in cahoots with Olivier Theyskens at Nina Ricci and can only wear his designs or whatever, so we're pushing hard for her to step outside her comfort zone with one of his more edgy looks, which shouldn't be too difficult, considering that his spring collection was inspired by the idea of the girl who had a little too much to drink and stayed out a little too late the night before. This look is the perfect combination of polished and dirty, we think.
Chandra Wilson: Favorite Scene Stealing Star
Since Dr. Bailey is the only redeeming thing nowadays about Grey's Anatomy, we think she deserves to be dressed by one of latest faves, Phillip Lim. This white dress is fresh without being infantilizing, and since People's Choice is a little more chill than other awards shows, the short length keeps things fun: We think it would make Wilson look ultra-femme and stand-out like the winner that she is.
Keira Knightely: Favorite Female Action Star
Why does Keira always look so angry on the red carpet? We dare her not to smile in this chartreuse Vena Cava sheath. That "No-Sense-Of-Humor" syndrome she suffers from? This look would remedy that.
Gwen Stefani: Favorite Female Singer
Hey Gwen — how 'bout you don't wear L.A.M.B for this one? Good? Good. 'Cause we're putting you in up-and-coming boy wonder Chris Benz instead. We think you are one of the few stars who has the balls to try his bold color palette on for size. After all, after you've had hot pink hair, what's one little hot pink dress? You're funny, you're cool. He's funny, he's cool. It's a match made in fashion heaven.