British Writer: Bring Back Big-Bottomed Undies!

In the wake of the story about how a pair of generously-sized underwear put out a fire, writer Caitlin Moran has written an amazingly funny piece for the Times of London on the "practical superiority of big pants." Is it time that big pants — or "granny panties", as they're known on this side of the pond [I call them "period panties" -Ed.] — made a comeback? Moran says she is "pro big pants" and argues that underwear is no longer something people don't talk about; unmentionables are totally mentionable! "In 2008, knickers are no longer a secret," she claims. "Pencil skirts, skin-tight jeans and leggings - they all allow us to witness an exact outline of the wearer's pants." The problem, Moran argues, is that "Instead of having something that, sensibly and reassuringly, contains both the buttocks — what I would call a good pair of pants — they're wearing little more than gluteal accessories, or arse-trinkets."

Moran pleads with women to try out granny panties:

'Why are we starving our bottoms of the resources - like an extra metre of material - to stay comfortable? Why have we succumbed to pantorexia? It is, of course, all a symptom of women's continuing, demented belief that, at any moment, they might face some snap inspection of their 'total hotness,' and have to reveal their underwear to a baying crowd, possibly featuring George Clooney. In this respect, women have communally lost all reason. Ladies! On how many occasions in the past year have you needed to wear sexy pants? In other words, to break this right down, how many times this year have you suddenly, unexpectedly, had sex in a brightly lit room, with a hard-to-please erotic connoisseur? Exactly. On those kind of odds, you might just as well be keeping a backgammon board down there, to entertain a group of elderly ladies in the event of emergencies. It's more likely to happen.'

She continues by noting that guys really do not care what kind of underwear women sport. "They're really not that fussy." (Didn't Hugh Grant's character in Bridget Jones' Diary still shag Bridget despite her pillowy panties?) So women have no one to blame but ourselves! And she clarifies that she's not promoting the horrible flesh-colored briefs you may be imagining. Instead, think "bright teal French knickers in silk, ribbony bloomers, frilly cancan scanties and amazing satin shorts from the 1950s."

So how 'bout it, girls? You ready to ditch the thongs?

Coming To A Bottom Near You: Pantorexia [Times of London]
Earlier: Pants On Fire

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