Hannah Montana is enough to make me puke most of the time. I can't believe Billy Ray Cyrus fell so far that he to farm out his daughter like that.

Sorry, beauty salons, free gin attracts ME.

A&F Quarterly is what made me realize that I am, in fact, a flaming, sissy, homosexual that was not in any way attracted to men that are 6'4'', completely worked out, blond hair blue eyes.

The socialite is surely Tinsley, on her way to Beatrice, right?

i have got to find me a beauty salon in d.c. with gin and a pool table.

geegaw : n. A decorative trinket; a bauble.

Jezebel has been brought to you by the letter G, the number 69...

Tara Subkoff?!

@leMaldeTete: If they want to attract me, then find someone who can give me a decent haircut for $15. I miss my old barber, but he was in his 70's when I was kid so I suspect he's long out of the business now.

I want the beer and pool table saloon too! Fuck the scalp massage.

If I could find a salon that fed me alcohol, I might stop cutting my own hair once and for all.

Is that Heidi Klum in that A&F pic?

The only good thing about A&F is that the occasionally have gigantic homoerotic displays when you walk by in the mall. And I stop and stare.

So it's the Hell's Angels that bought out the Hannah Montana concert tickets...this explains why they were so darn expensive.

@biscuitdoughjones: Thats what I was wondering. I cant see her as being an A&F model though.

@biscuitdoughjones: hmmm could be. how old is this pic?

Two things I like about AF, the big posters with hot men displayed in all their hotness and the music they play. Everything else, overpriced.

The A&F machine is evil. Every time I walked in there in high school, they asked if I wanted a job. As soon as I got boobs and lost the tan and highlights, they looked at me like a foreigner (gasp!). Now I get headaches from the music and cologne just from walking by.

I've never understood the A&F catalogs. I've only seen one of them. Someone tried to sell us one at work and it threw it away because 1) it's a catalog, and 2) it was too porny to go out. How the hell do you sell clothes when no one is wearing them?

Also, biker wear makes me a little sad. Is being a faux-biker the next big thing? Strange it would come right after faux-nerd. :P

My cousin works at an Abercrombie and she told me that they only hire black, hispanic, and asian people to work in the stock room. I was appalled.

What is a 'vague' designer? Someone from Project Runway?

We all know the blind item socialite was our own Athertonmerriweather ;)

I have never set foot in an A&F. A girl I was in the hospital with told me that when she was at her sickest, they begged her to work there every time she went in. "You have just the look we're after," they said. Assholes.

Somebody else said an Olsen twin was probably the vague designer.

@NefariousNewt: Yeah I think every dude I know would agree with you on that. Personally, I'm happy to have the price of my haircut hidden from me as the stylist gets me likkered up and massages my scalp. When time comes to pay, it don't matta!*

* Until I leave the salon and the cold air smacks me in the face and I feel a tremendous financial anxiety that spirals into guilt about faceless starving people in generic third world settings.

@hortense: Did she have anerexia?

jesus christ, quick, where are these beauty salons!?? I uhm, really need a hair cut right now. is the free booze for chicks too?

A&F stores all look like opium dens to me. I had a friend 9gay male, v. fashionable) back in Ohio (where they are based) interview with the owner/pres (big gay, also) and he said he was told by the guy in no uncertain terms that he was "too old" at 29 to work for AF. My friend suspected that it was more like he didn't fit this guy's idea of eye candy. Dude running that place is a creep.

@badmutha: Yeah. And she was very sick at the time.

I'm definitely not a designer or a socialite, but the blind item definitely describes my New Year's Eve. How I will miss 2007.

Also: do A&F stores smell like Axe? Because I made the mistake of wandering into a Hollister once, and had to run for my life, as the entire store REEKED of 15 year old boy.

@lesbiansayswhat: I was thinking more along the lines of cell phone cases.

@pantycrickets: Hells no. I don't take cabs.

Ok, I went into an Abercrombie the other day for the first time since high school (8 years). There was a skinny kid walking around and spraying all the clothes with a bottle of some Abercrombie scented spray shit. I was so intrigued I followed him around the whole store while my mom shopped for lil' bro. It was honestly the weirdest thing I've ever seen but at least now I know why it smells like the first hour of a frat party in there.

I was in there one time buying underwear for my friend in London when the salesboy said, "I'm wearing that style" and proceeded to drop trou. Ahhhh A&F!

What is it about hipster (and I use the term loosely) clothing companies and pervy, porny owners?

@stacyinbean: That's not even the worst of it! My ex worked there and he said that they would even mop the floors with that shit. I thought is was immensly an awesome idea so I immediately went home and sprayed my Burberry London stuff over everything in my room.

@howdybeep: Eh, this isn't hipster so much as frat-ish. Which I think is pretty much inherently pervy.

The WSJ has done the "men's salon that serves beer" story before, except it about salons that were so swank; it was about the Hooters of barber shops, Knockouts. [www.knockouts.net]

Just thinking about the smell of A&F cologne is bringing on a migraine.

...
I'm sorry, I was distracted by the phrase FREE SCOTCH. Free fucking scotch! Let the angel chorus sing!

(New Year's Resolution #2: drink more scotch. THANK YOU, universe, for helping my ass out with this.)

I had to do a lab with an kid that worked at A&F, and he was the dumbest person I'd ever met. He also smelled like Satan's asshole, aka that damn fragrance.

Oh Heidi, you and your amazing rack are too good for A&F!

Also, I cannot go into that store because that fucking club music they play is so loud I can't hear myself think. Wow, with that sentence, I think I officially became an old fogey.

@pantycrickets: Yep, that's pretty much universal. How have they not been slammed with lawsuits?

I want my salon to offer me drinks. Now I'm gonna spend time looking for a salon that will give me scotch.

@TruculentandUnreliable: Last night this frat boy/former Abercrombie employee who has barely spoken three sentences to me in three years looks me up on AIM out of the blue and starts talking to me about literature. I'm not sure if he was just bored and secretly smart, or if he decided after three years to try and get in my pants.

As for the store itself, I've never been inside; my father decided one day that it looked like a gay eighties nightclub, and I haven't been able to look at it with a straight face ever since.

@DorothyZbornak: don't worry, i think that's the POINT of the ridiculously loud music. they play it so goddamn loud no one over the age of 17 can stand to be in there for more than 5 minutes...i'm pretty sure their motivation is to get parents to hand their children credit cards and get the hell out.

on another A&F rant, has anyone noticed that their sizes are completely fucked up? my friends and i have a theory that they make their shirts extra tiny for two reasons: 1) the better to slut with and 2)so no one even approaching a normal size can wear them.

Do the sales-twirps still pretend to play volleyball or demonstrate some other sporty(!) behavior if all the customers are being taken care of? Because that was required in the late '90s. No, I didn't work there (too tall, too pale, too skinny). Shit. My boyfriend did.

I know friends from high school who still insist on shopping there and The Gap, just like they did when we were in high school. Then I make a run to Bath and Body Works and ask if they have any Strawberry Lemonade and everyone just looks at me quizzically.

@ArmCandy: actually, there was a lawsuit that A&F settled for $40mil: [www.naacpldf.org]

@chamarka: Jesus Cripes on a cracker.

"There" = A&F

Well, confession time. I worked at A+F for two whole years and feel the need to defend them on the whole "racism" thing. I worked with plenty of gorgeous black, asian and native american people. They are much more offensive in that they put "ugly" people in the stockroom. The regional manager would actually visit the store with a Polaroid camera and demand to know why certain people were on the floor when they should be hidden from view.

Honestly, they just had the most bizarre rules like your belly button should be exposed at all times (they kept a handy dandy chart posted on the stock room door). There is no rhyme or reason to why certain people are asked to work there except someone working on the floor at that moment thought you were hot and wanted an excuse to hit on you.

@tetracycloide: There is one! Its called the red and black. I think they only do hair cuts though.